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NSFW: It's Meltdown Time! Rivalry Week Edition

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This week's edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others.

Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

All good things have to come to an end, the all-too-short college football season included. Welcome to the grand finale of Meltdown Time, folks. We close out the season in fine fashion as Rivalry Week seems to increase the vitriol.

Leading off we have the Texas A&M Aggies fans who saw their offense get completely shut down by a rather average LSU Tigers defense that was playing inspired football in the midst of all the Les Miles speculation. They have been sick and tired of OC Jake Spavital for some time now, but some are starting to turn on Coach Swag. Next up we have the Auburn Tigers fans who, as usual, have all sorts of conspiracy theories, followed by the Notre Dame Fighting Irish who saw their playoff hopes evaporate in heartbreaking fashion at the hands of the Stanford Cardinal. Most of them blame defensive coordinator Brian VanGorder, particularly for the prevent defense that allowed Kevin Hogan to get the Trees into field-goal range for the winning kick.

Fourth we have the Texas Longhorns fans who simply never get used to losing to all of their (former) little brothers. WR coach Jay Norvell is calling the plays these days, and he is apparently not doing a very good job of it per the 'Horns faithful. Closing it out, we have Michigan Wolverines fans who will never accept a drubbing at the hands of the Ohio State Buckeyes. Harbaugh is still in his honeymoon phase, but if he gets smoked in Columbus next season that is likely to change.

As always, the language in this post is abhorrent, vulgar, and offensive. If you are sensitive to such things, you should stop reading now. You have been warned. Otherwise, enjoy and tell us who won.

AGGIE SWAG

So we sucked so bad we saved Les's job

Jake spavital does not know what football is.
His pinnacle is probably running a gas station. It would probably explode within a week.

I don't even care if we win this game. I just want it to be over so I can spam refresh and wait for Spavital to officially be out.

Does anyone else hear the footsteps of John Chavis walking down to the field ready to slap Spavital with the dad dick?

Can we fire Spav before the game ends?

Shit. LSU remembered they can run the ball.

I bet Sumlin felt they could win this game if they kept Fournette to less than 200 yards. He has 140 yards right now. Sumlin, this is a game so many teams could have fucking won. But we won't win. We can't win. We can't win because we have a fucking down-syndrome child calling plays and you're letting it happen.

LMFAO, YOU RUN A PLAY ACTION ON 3RD AND LONG? NOBODY IS EXPECTING YOU TO FUCKING RUN YOU DUNCE

No matter how little I expect I still manage to be disappointed by A&M football

If I could rid the world of ISIS or TAMU of Spavital, I'd pick getting rid of ISIS. But goddammit it would be close

Can we give a 12 year old an Xbox controller and let him call plays instead?

If we even had a medicore offense, we could have won this game. We don't even have that. Our offense IS FUCKING TRASH. Our oline is so god damn bad.

We suck. Two five-star QB recruits and we can do nothing with them. Holy shit, we could barely score a touchdown on fucking Vanderbilt. And Spaz is sitting in the fucking sideline with his fucking notecards completely unable to fucking call a decent game to save his goddamn job. This offense is literal, actual overhyped cancer and Sumlin should be on the hotseat for promoting this idiot to OC.

Spavital does not deserve the plane ride back to College Station. Spavital does not deserve to board the team bus. Spavital should be fired the moment this game is over. This is fucking ridiculous.

Fuck me i swear it's third down every single play

This is the most frustrating season to watch and I thought 2011 was bad, I thought last year was bad, fuck this shit man what a fucking terrible season

SPAVITAL DRAWS UP HIS PLAYS ON CARDBOARD PAPER WITH OFF-BRAND CRAYONS

Someone deck spav in the face.

apology for poor english
when were you when offense dies
i was sat at home drinking brain fluid when fried ring
'offense is die'
'no'

Honestly I'm just sad. I don't know what it is but I feel like we always just get fucked. Our dudes always seem like they are just less intense compared to whoever we are playing. Idk, fuck. At least I have thanksgiving leftovers still

Hypothetical question: Anyone know how much weight can be suspended from a ceiling fan?

I'm so fucking disgusted with Spavital this game/year. Our defense consistently does great work and our offense hasn't shown the ability to do anything at all with it. I haven't wanted him here for 3 weeks but I sure as hell don't fucking want him for the bowl game and if he is here next year I want Sumlin fired. This is fucking disgusting

GUS BUS

Will Muchamp leaving would be the cherry on top of this shiteshow of a season.
To be an Auburn football fan is to walk in sack cloth and ashes while flagellating with only brief moments of reprieve
AUBURN JESUS, Why Hast thou forsaken Us

fuck you gus
god fucking damnit
what a fucking waste of a god damn year

#offensiveguru

At least Muschamp is doing his job. Gus is embarrassing Auburn with whatever abortion of an offense we've had this year.

His arse ought to be on the hot seat. 4 mil for this crap show. HE is in over his head. IMO

JJ is a living crutch. He's so comical I sometimes forget I'm watching Auburn Football and think I'm watching some shitty fucking Adam Sandler comedy. Fucking eh.

Coker is a fighter JJ is a dripping, moist, pussy.

They het a warning we get a penalty. I hope Lawson goes cock deep in Ritters arse.

Sitting close to wear ref went down. Fuck him. I hope he is broken in half for calling that a late hit.

Bug eyes fucks us again

And just like that the SEC takes over. Disgusting.

OL just lays down. That's what happens when you have a hapless motherfucker at QB in a winnable game and a perfectly capable QB on the sidelines watching

I think I'm changing the channel to the bodyguard

I hope soneone fucks up Henry's knee

I can't handle Verne sucking off Bama for the next 5 minutes.

I wish I was a referee so I could get paid off by Bama.

I'll take all the Bama dick gobbling they can throw at me if I can just hear Verne or Gary say on TV how fucking garbage JJ is. I mean just flat out say "I've taken a shit that could throw a better pass than this guy" and just shit on him hard.

jeremy Johnson killed this game. He should NEVER EVER .. EVER see playing time again at JH.
Fuck him and Fuck our absolute joke of a head coach.
I'm actually excited about next year because at the end of the season both of those stubborn untalented jokes will be gone.
Gus's offense and JJ being a fucking special olympic untalented unintelligible fetal position fuck are the reason why we have lost the majority of the games we have been in.
Fuck both of them forever. Fuck THEM.
Speaking of JJ.....
Im realllllllyyy gonna need some of our caucasionally disenfranchised sheep on campus to make a demands list and demand Jay Jacobs to resign.
He is also to blame.
We are leaving as are thousands of others bc we will not support this stubborn, talentless absolute bullshit. Fuck. You.
/melt over, going to the hotel to break some shit.

Now we can really focus on the most important sport. Basketball.

Florida PLEASE keep the Heisman from Tuscaloosa

These refs need to be held responsible for this garbage. They are intentionally affecting a game

They're not even hiding it anymore $$$

If nothing else we need to make sure that they get film of all the holds from Bama this is ridiculous

Gus should be on the hot seat next year for never pulling JJ this game. A permanent wildcat would have given us a better shot than this piece of garbage offense. No excuse for this decision making.

Nobody has wanted to hit henry all game. Nobody. Its like they came in saying "we'd love to win but we are not quite willing to tackle that guy"

2013 was the "kick six"
2015 was the "the refs had to step in or else Alabama would have lost their sec championship birth and #2 ranking"

I can't believe how many blatant holds don't get called on opposing teams...

EYERASH

My brother just walked in about 20 seconds after that field goal:
"Hey, I just got back, how's your day been holy shit is something wrong are you ok?
cue me, staring into nothingness

I am gutted. Completely heartbroken. Bummer.

Dave Wannstedt looks like he really wants to sell you an extended warranty

If this douche says ukulele one more time I'm muting my tv.

What a satisfying relationship this ACC thing is They fuck us in every way possible and dare us to do something about it. ACC officials screw us worse than Big 10 officials ever have...I didn't think that was possible. They set up the schedule to give their little teams every advantage against us. Their teams are boring and shitty and I have absolutely no interest in them other than when we play them.
Swarbrick has done a good job overall I suppose, but he seems to think this ACC deal is a big win, and I think it fucking blows.
The only thing that blows more is Brian Van Gorder.
Please Coach Kelly fire Van Gorder before I go fucking nuts.

Bunch of fucking soccer mom productions that wouldn't know their fucking ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to football, sitting in that shitty little fuckbox cheering on their dorkified band. Oh, did a football game fucking break out? Whatever is that?
Fuck them, and fuck that whiny douchebag that coaches them and got his cabal of Pac 12 refs to do him a solid tonight. Not one call. Not one fucking call. Fuck you Swarbrick, for allowing that shit show. Fuck you. Did I mention, fuck you?
Those little twats actually make me long for the do-nothing little fucksticks at Southern Cal.
Fuck me.

The next person that says we need a more aggressive, blitzing, takeaway defense instead of a bend but not break defense, should be summarily executed.

I just thought of BVG as Vizzini from Princess Bride, thinking he's so smart with his complex blitzes
and then we give up a big play and he's like "INCONCEIVABLE!!"

All the cusswords

Fire BVG. Acceptable candidates to replace him include:
- Literally any defensive coordinator in the country
- A RNG linked to a numbered list of our defensive calls
- My 14 year old cousin who plays a lot of Madden.

This isn't a "fire Kelly" comment or anything remotely close.
but I feel like there's so many little things, mostly mental, that a coach like Saban would correct and have us just crushing people.

THE ONLY F***ING THING IT F***ING PREVENTS IS A F***ING VICTORY
BVG you incredible idiot.

The meanest thing my daddy ever did
was raise me a Notre Dame fan...

Their kicker looks like a Hobbit

Welp.
Fire Van Gorder. Leave him at the airport Kiffin-style.

Please send help. There's no more beer. Or hope for me.

Am sobbing into ice cream
Or maybe just eating fro yo with the tv off. Same thing

Oh dear it actually hurts to live

VAN GORDER GET FUCKED YOU IDIOT

i swear to fucking god notre dame finds the most agonizing way to lose a really big game every fucking year without fail. FUCK

BEVO

THROW THE FUCKING FOOTBALL
Jesus

Heard going full retard

Dallas and Texas. What do they share in common. Both get 1st and goal and end up with fgs all the goddamn time. How in the state of fucking Texas is everyone scared as fuck of the goal line

Whats the over/under on the number of bottles of Axe body spray Kingsbury uses in a week?

My god this is depressing. We're a shit program playing meaningless games in a dead conference. Nobody in America gives a fuck about this game, including me.
Right now it feels like we are 100 years away from being relevant.

yeah its depressing, if we had just said fuck it in 2011, Aggy wants to stay in the Big 12, and we left for the Pac 10 instead, we would be sitting pretty good in terms of conference play.
Yeah we would have been the assholes that left OU and Aggy holding the bag, but instead we went the high road, accepted Aggy putting the kaibosh on the Pac 10 merger, and then let the assholes leave for the SEC without punishing the shit out of them by enforcing their fucking $25million dollar penalty for leaving the conference 1 year after signing on for 10 years

Defender's can't get their fucking hands up just in case it knocks the ball away?

Was the older Vaughan brother electrocuted at halftime?

I would seriously pay the fine for th coaches if someone could cheap shot and hurt mahomes. This team isn't built for this damns hoot out

FUCKING O LINE!!! fuck you!

And we're shooting ourselves in the foot with naval artillery.

Play calling sucks dick

Fuck!! Might shit in the shower after this

Fuck you refs you fuck ass motherfuckers!

fuck me in the ass

Four downs. We pass three times.
That is our coaching staff in a nutshell. Retards.

Fire fucking everyone. Fire them now.

Talk about fucking our kids over. Norvell just tripped on his dick.

Charlie's a grade a fucking retard

Shit on my chest

All you #trendingupward fuckers can suck my average sized cock. Fuck you. Fuck you Charlie.

And to shove it up our asses all nice and proper. Tech goes in dry. No lube. No roofies

Dog Show on nbcsn, FYI

Texas tech can burn to the ground along with all their fans, coaches, and alumni

I'm really tired of pissants like Tech/baylor/TCU fucking us on our own field.

We just got out-coached by someone who probably spent half the game on twitter

This is Charlie Strong. He is what he is. He ain't gonna get smarter.

We are holding the rope

Well. Fuck. Time to go get inebriated beyond belief

just so so sick of this shit. It's not only that we can't execute or have decent coaching in all phases. We just can't get any calls or catch some breaks either. Fucking tired of the pain

Whore cock!!!!! Fuck!

Fuck Brando, fuck the Sooners, fuck the Big XII & fuck this season

was kingsbury grabbing norvels ass?

4 fucking wins.. Jesus fucking christ

Ypu beat the shittiest Texas team in 70 years. Celebrate it up sand aggy. Go back to your shithole in the sand and learn how to manage a motel 6. Don't forget your herpes medication.

MAIZE 'N (VERY) BLUE

Well, just about time to root for MSU - I mean, unless you want OSU in the playoffs.
Isn't being a Michigan fan full of wonderful choices?

Fuck this I'm watching my dog take a shit instead.

Hoke Olinemen suck! Rudock got blind sided. may have broke his collar bone! Sucks!

This is epic. Rich Rod level coaching adjustments and team play.
Wonder how many recruits on the sidelines also have OSU offers? How long until Walker apologizes to Urban and begs to be let back into their class? Compare Elliot to Smith and it's not even close.

Ugh this one really stings. Really embarrassing to wear this sweatshirt. The entire team shit itself.

This is like surgery without anastesia

Just shoot me now, point blank in the head

Just put in the second team D. They couldn't be much fucking worse.

Looks like I will be avoiding the Internet for a few days.

This is utterly humiliating. Even the announcers are embarrassed for us. Please let the "those who are whining just didn't play competitive sports" guys on here come back. Tell us how competitive this shit is!

They have given up, ladies. They are getting absolutely dominated today. Complete ass kicking. Very thorough.

FUCKIN SICKENING.

Defense should be fucking ashamed. Playing like a bunch of pansies. No heart. Don't deserve to wear that jersey in this game.

Perhaps should have invested more time into game planning instead of crushing Buckeyes on graves and senior day pageantry, no?

"Just wait until next year!"
MGoBlog since 2007
Maybe we can convince Maryland or Rutgers to declare us a rival so we may actual beat a rival sometime within this century.

The only reason this game is a rivalry, is because it used to be a rivalry. We haven't shown up for years. We barely beat Fickell. Until we actually win twice in a 2-5 year span, we are just Ohio State's bitch. Basically an automatic Win for them over the last decade+.

I can't even handle this anymore...how am I supposed to function for the rest of the day if they lose

Pathetic showing by players and coaches alike.
Bye bye recruits.

FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I fucking hate football. My entire 20's are OSU losses. I don't really see an end in sight, the state of Ohio just produces better HS talent and they have a coach who can utilize it.

Going to suck to be losing to these clowns the next couple of years. Looks like we will only get recruitng scraps!

I was told there would be sputtering OSU offense?

this game needs more butt stuff

I hate sports.

Jokes on you! I'm already numb to losing over the years ;)

4th and goddamn 10 and you throw the goddamn ball behind the goddamn line of scrimmage. GODDAMMIT

WITH MY SHIRT TUCKED IN AND MY SHOES UNTIED I AM CRYING IN THE BATHROOM

I knew I bought this Jim Beam for something!