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UPDATED SWEETHEART POLL: Jumbo Package Is Rollin' Five-Deep

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What's that old saying again? Got five, got none?

Rashaan Evans is not suffering from Knee Herpes.
Rashaan Evans is not suffering from Knee Herpes.
Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Five Arms-ageddon.

The sky is not falling, no matter what the "depth chart" may read. Nick Saban hates depth charts, and rarely does he hate them more than as-applied to quarterbacks.

The contenders (and I still think we'll be looking at a Cooper Bateman/Alec Morris rotation by the UGA game) will win or lose it on the field. I am very tired of this story. Saban may claim he's not exasperated by the fracas, but everyone else is.

Alabama's starting QB will be ... Bateman, Coker or Morris | College Football

One of them will be getting the good news at some point this week. "I'd like to let him (the winner) know three months ago," Tide coach Nick Saban said. "It's not about what I like, it's about what we need to do for our team right now and making a decision for our team. We're going to make the decision when we think it's the right time to make the decision for this group of guys.

Three months ago, I'd rather have been chilling in Thessaloniki, being served fortified wine by an extensively non-existent Mediterranean seraglio. We don't always get what we want, Coach. But, I think you'll have your two guys before the leaves turn. Someone is going to play their way out of the rotation over the next 2-3 weeks.

Practice notes (of a more obscure variety)

Alabama practice report: QBs work on long throws, Rashaan Evans going full speed | AL.com

Jake Coker, Cooper Bateman, Alec Morris and David Cornwell all worked on throws from 30 yards or longer during practice. Coker, who has the strongest arm of the four, overthrew two of his receivers running routes full speed. Cornwell, who isn't considered a contender to start against Wisconsin, might have looked the best with his lower-trajectory throws. Morris, another quarterback with a big arm, threw one 40-yard pass right on the money to a receiver.

Take these media observations for what they're worth - the more encouraging news here is Rashaan Evans is at full speed and Daylon Charlot is getting reps.

Rewinding Nick Saban's comments about QB competition, planning for Wisconsin | AL.com

Freshman Daron Payne has impressed this year and could have a role against Wisconsin. He's listed as the co-starter at nose guard with Darren Lake.

A whole lot of freshmen are going to get playing time this year: In addition to Charlot, Ridley, Burgess-Becker, Harrison and Fitzpatrick, add Daron Payne who has moved up to co-starter at the nose.

Injured Alabama WR Cam Sims may play Saturday, Nick Saban says | AL.com

Injured Alabama sophomore wide receiver Cam Sims has progressed in his recovery to the point he may be able to play against No. 20 Wisconsin on Saturday, coach Nick Saban said Monday. Sims suffered a torn ACL and LCL early in the Tide's spring practice in late March. "We'll probably make a call later in the week as to whether we can use him in this game or not," Saban said.

Can Sims play? Probably. As deep as the wide receiving corps go, and the emergence of Robert Foster, Calvin Ridley and ArDarius Stewart, should he? Very different story. Sims is a dynamic threat, but there are many others on the roster who can help fill the gaps in his absence.

PRACTICE REPORT: Kenyan Drake lines up as receiver - The Crimson White

Running back Kenyan Drake practiced with the other running backs at the beginning of the media viewing period, but he quickly left those drills to practice with the wide receivers. Drake jumped in at the end of a line of wide receivers led by Robert Foster. Calvin Ridley and then Derek Kief follwed followed Foster near the front of the line. Chris Black led another line of receivers and following him in order was ArDarius Stewart, Richard Mullaney, Cam Sims and Daylon Charlot.

One more wrinkle to worry about, 'Sconnie. It's no secret Kiffin will play Drake in the slot or motion him to outside, but to showcase it during the media viewing sessions is another Saban Jedi mind trick -- the more you give that secondary to think about, the easier it is to #RTDBL.

#MTAQ

Alabama wants to be a 'nightmare' team for opponents

"We’ve talked a lot about establishing identity, and now’s the time to create the identity of a dangerous team," Saban said. "You could say are we going to sort of play with the reputation of Alabama teams of the past or is this team going to create an identity of its own of being a dangerous team. "I don’t think anybody ever is really afraid of you until you become a scary team in terms of how you execute what you do, the discipline you play with, the grit that you have, which is sort of the perseverance and passion to accomplish the goals that you want to accomplish.

Normally, I like to be taken out to dinner first. But, when you're being seduced like this, we can skip the formalities.

Pros

3 from Alabama, 1 from Auburn among early NFL cuts | AL.com

In Cincinnati's first 2015 preseason game on Aug. 14, middle linebacker Nico Johnson made nine tackles in the Bengals' 23-10 victory over the New York Giants. He tops the team with 15 tackles through three preseason games. But on Monday, Johnson was one of the 274 players on the wrong side of the NFL's transactions as Cincinnati waived the former Andalusia High School and Alabama Crimson Tide standout.

Bleak Monday for several Tide players in the NFL as Javier Arenas, Leon Brown, Nico Johnson and Trent Richardson were all cut by their respective tams. Arenas should have a soft landing, and Johnson will get looks from other teams. Trent Richardson is facing career annihilation, however. The player that hit the hole violently, had ridiculous explosion and great vision? Yeah, that guy isn't there anymore.

Miscellany

New Joe Moore Award to honor top college offensive line

The Joe Moore Award for the Most Outstanding Offensive Line Unit will be presented at the end of December and voted on only by those who have coached or played offensive line. The voting panel will include the 128 FBS offensive line coaches, former colleagues and friends of Moore and select media members who have played offensive line.

The best concept for an award I've ever seen -- honor the entire unit. If the newly-created Moore award were around the past decade, you have to think Alabama would have received it in 2008, 2009, 2011 and 2012.

Big Ten, SEC poised for latest, maybe greatest chapter yet

"There's no question when a Big Ten plays a SEC team it automatically becomes a much bigger game," Bacon said. "It's not Ohio State vs. Michigan. It's regional pride, man. It's the Midwest vs. the South. A shocking number of Michigan fans will cheer for Ohio State on that day." Now that the Buckeyes are national champions and a unanimous No. 1 in 2015, the perception is the Big Ten is making its play at the SEC. Is that reality?

The top of the Big Ten is quite good. The problem is, aside from Sparty and Ohio State, there's not much of a "top" to speak of. The bottom of the Rust Belt conference is execrable, while the middle class is not in the PAC 12 or SEC's weight class. But, do you, media pundits.

How do schools calculate new stipends for college athletes? | College Football

To help cut through the confusion, here are some answers from experts about cost of attendance. Q: Who calculates cost of attendance and how is it regulated on campus? A: The financial aid office. Q: How is a cost-of-attendance figure used? A: The calculation serves two purposes. It gives those paying for college a realistic expectation of what they will spend. Even more important, it sets a limit on the amount of financial aid a student can receive during an academic year.

This is a really informative read on the COA initiative and how those numbers are calculated. That said, knowing how a thing works does absolutely nothing to make the formulas transparent.

Top 25 teams in college football, re-ranked by the grammar of their fan base | For The Win

We now have new power rankings, based on how bad the grammar of the team’s respective fan base is. These brave, intrepid souls set aside the first rule of Keeping Your Sanity On The Internet, which is NEVER READ THE COMMENTS, sifted through at least 100 takes from fans of each team, and found out how many mistakes each fan was prone to make, per 100 words. Alabama fared the worst.

We want your gol'damned opinion, Yew Ess Aaaye Today, we'll rattle yer cage. This is an incredibly fatuous article brought to you by the same folks who single-handedly dumbed-down the news and made front page Onion-esque infographics "a thing." Be gone, trolls.