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NSFW: It's Meltdown Time! Week 2: "SEC is Overrated" Edition

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This week's edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others.

Yeah, I'm puzzled by your preseason ranking too.
Yeah, I'm puzzled by your preseason ranking too.
Shanna Lockwood-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome back to Meltdown Time, everyone. This week's edition has a decidedly southern flavor to it as two SEC programs - Tennessee and Arkansas - lost non-conference games at home, the first time two SEC programs have lost such games on the same day in three seasons. Tennessee losing to Oklahoma isn't terribly embarrassing on the surface, but getting up by a couple of TDs in the second half and then blowing the lead? Yeah, that'll cause a Meltdown. Ditto losing to a MAC school as Bert Bret Bielema's Razorbacks managed to do. According to the melters down, much of that loss was to blame on the venue in Little Rock and the Bielemas' welcome seems to be wearing thin - in contrast to his waistline.

Thanks to a rather "blah" schedule last weekend, pickings were a little slim after that. Took a look at the Oregon boards, but those fans had pretty well convinced themselves beforehand that the Michigan State game wasn't a must-win and their reactions fell in line. Damn you, four team playoff, you're messing with our Meltdowns!

Alas, two teams wasn't quite enough Meltdown. After all, we have a reputation to uphold. Who else had an amusingly bad Saturday? Thinking...

Who are we kidding? This is in fact an Alabama site, and the in-state little brother program just suffered the most embarrassing "win" in program history, needing a badly shanked punt and overtime to outlast FCS Jacksonville State. I mean, becoming the first team ever to make the Meltdown after winning a game would be the most Auburn thing ever, right? Congratulations, Gus! Your accomplishments keep piling up. Besides this ground-breaking Meltdown achievement, your team managed the largest drop in ranking in college football history following a win. Unfortunately your fans now kindly request that you immediately pack your stuff and get out. Oh, and take that Heisman-worthy QB with you.

As always, this post contains all kinds of foul language. Anyone who may be offended by such things should read no further. You have been warned.

VAWLS:

My good will evaporated watching Butch stalk the sidelines in red-faced impotent rage. A nickname, a haircut, and a few pithy slogans won't cut it at the level we want to be at.

Seen this movie before. I just shot my TV.

Same Tennessee. Same Butch. Same horrible playcalling by a stale offensive. Same butterfingers. Same defense folding late. Up 17-0 and can't hold it. It's exactly Florida with just more points.

Sad to be a tennessee fan since 2007

There's your Butch Jones. Middle school offense. Horrid lead management.

at least with dooley i didnt have to watch the game. i still love the vols but its getting closer and closer to the time i just need to do other things with my life then watching tennessee do the same crap year after year.

I'm sick to my damn stomach right now

Butch is great Sunday to Friday. 
He is worse than Zook on Saturday though.
He's our Ron Zook.

Vomitting

I'm so used to it I don't even care any more.

I'm not one to normally jump into rash decisions, but DeBord should be fired after the abortion that has been his play calling. This has been much worse than what we all complained about last year. Who knew there was an offensive version of 3rd and Chavis.

Nothing like letting a slow, unathletic, white wallkon QB just absolutely shred your defense all night with his legs.

The only more obvious goal line play was David Palmer. 
And Tennessee blew that one also...

Baker Mayfield seems like the type of guy who takes your little sister to prom, and tries to roofy her.

I am embarrassed. I have never seen Tennessee shat the bed so effectively.

Being a Tennessee fan is like a love affair. Each season you see your sweetheart anew. She starts out beautiful sweet, attractive in every way, but by the end if the season you have a clear view if her. As a young fan I saw my sweetheart as attractive and when she lost games she was still beautiful. In the seventies, Bama always roughed her up, but she was mine and I had hope that she would be the most beautiful. I attend the university in the 80s and when I was at ut, my girl still lost but she was fun to be around. She even beat the bears teams! Heck there were miracles and victories that show me hiw great she was. The 90s lead to her greatest beauty! She was my darling! There were some heartbreaks but the 98 season captured my heart and the vision of her was set! Each fall I new she would look just like she did then. But something happened! She got sick. About 2001 she lost to lsu. It hurt because I thought she was still beautiful, but the rest if the world started to we that she had a wart! It started small! But by 2005 it had grown and she had other warts! I vils never see them but all the other school fans could and the always pointed them out. My sweethearts appearance began to change. She started covering up the warts! Each year everyone heard she will be the most beautiful this year! I believed she was beautiful and each year she was going to be the prettiest yet! However other fans said she had the worst warts ever! Sure enough by 2005 I could usually see her warts by game 3! They were ugly! Each season 2006, 07, 08, I would see them! I was always blind to how bad they were and still saw my true love as beautiful! Until 2013, at the vandy game! She was old smelly and ugly! Could I love her? Florida 14, ooh! She had warts, farted and had stank breath! But I started off the test in love! 2015, I was in love! She was the most beautiful girl! Others said the warts are as bad as ever but I did not see them. Till today! She has warts , she is stinky and hard to love! My heart is broken and I can't unsee what she looks like! One ugly butch!

Fuck each and every one of your moral victories

choke job

who doesn't love one in the dirty back alley

Bitch jones Smoke n mirrors.... 6-6 belk bowl awaits
This game was like chili night at the retirement home

Awesome at first but pretty sh*tty 4 hours later.

I am sick and I am sick of being sick.

Pathetic... Offensive line pathetic... Defensive line over hyped... Sunseri sound defense... Jones = smoke n mirrors..... OC terrible send him back to admin at Michigan.... No streaks broken this year.. Florida by 13..... like I said last week... Sec east contender??? Lol...good joke... Maybe we need another top 5 class. Bye Jones.. Gone after 2016... Let the search begin...NOW#

"Let's look ahead at the rest of the season"

Uhh, can we fucking not?

You guys, I just had the craziest dream during my halftime nap. Tennessee shit the bed with a two touchdown lead at home. When's the third quarter kickoff?

Standard Tennessee game:

first half: vols fans are happy and confident The other teams fans are shocked that they are losing to the vols.

Second half: vols fans are dying and having panic attacks because our hopes fell fell from such a high place. other team fans are wondering why they were so worried earlier

Should we lose to Florida, I'll supply the mattresses. Who's got the gas?

Why would any offensive skill player want to come here? Unless we are behind our strategy is to assume the fetal position.

HAWGS:

Watching this game in the stadium was like watching someone about to be hit by a car in slow motion
You can see the horror happening right in front of you but there's nothing you can do about it but scream WAKE UP!!!! YOUR ABOUT TO GET BEAT BY A MAC TEAM!!! (Which I did) but they just went about their merry little way getting humiliated and becoming a laughing stock to the national public who had just now started to give them a little respect. Kiss the polls goodbye fellas we don't deserve it.

We just scored 12 points with one of the "best o lines in the country," a 5th year QB, a returning 1,000 yard rusher against Toledo.

If I'm Urban, I'm tweeting we should have scheduled Arkansas.

How long will you Bielemers hold onto the rope? If we get beat by tech will you let go? If we finish 3-9 or worse? At what point do you put down your cup of kool-aid and admit you are a bandwagonner?
This wasnt a fluke. This was a sound ass beating for 4 quarters. We were out coached. We could hire Toledo's entire staff with just Bielemas salary and at least not get beat by the Toledo's of the world.

I feel bad for laughing at Auburn earlier.

I picked the wrong day to run out of beer.

Someone please remind Toledo they are only here to get paid.

Have they been feeding our players poison all fucking week? What the shit is going on?

Brandon Allen better never buy a manual transmission, because he has no idea how to do anything clutch.

If a fifth year senior can't lead you on a scoring drive at home against a MAC team, he is not good. Downvote me if it makes you feel better, but take a look at that big ass L on the schedule and tell me I'm wrong.

Stockholm syndrome is continuing to defend a QB who has lost to Louisiana Monroe and Toledo, who has never completed 60% of his passes in a season, who has won ONE road game in his career (in which he only had to pass once in the second half), need I continue?

OUR RUN TEAM AVERAGED 2.85 YARDS PER CARRY WHEN YOU EXCLUDE THE QUARTERBACK!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS.

FIRE HIS FAT ASS

I'm chalking this L up to the players. Holy fuck they didn't even seem to care to play most of the game. O-Line didn't do shit, defense was super lack luster, holding call after fucking holding call. Sure you can say "coaching staff made some bad calls" but our players didn't show up at all. You can be the best coach in the world but if players don't match that you'll lose every time.

I'll drive this train. I can't wait to get Bielema and his idiot wife out of Fayetteville. You don't come here and lose to Toledo with my team.

Fuck you, Little Rock. This shit stadium is cursed.

Im thinking petrol. If i accrue enough brain damage i may just forget that i like this team altogether.

Fuck Little Rock. Fuck the people that are keeping a game in Little Rock. Fuck that shitty excuse for a college football stadium. Fuck anyone who supports a game in Little Rock. Fuck me. Fuck everything.

Gonna have a melt down. FUCK!

Mediocre team. Mediocre coaching staff. Mediocre administration.  Mediocre fans.  Arkansas defined.

So, roughly $1530.00 to witness this bullspit in person. I have left angry and dissappointed time and time again
I still love the hogs, but enough is enough. We could take a nice little vacation for 1500 bucks. Or pay bills. Or buy my kids more stuff they want. Take the wife out on dates, which may or may not result in more happy evenings for me. The bottom line is that it is just a game, and it is on TV. If you purchase a product at the store, and you have a bad experience with it, you probably wouldn't buy it again. If you go to a resturaunt and have a bad experience, you might not go there again. But, maybe you give it a second try, and it was just as bad as the first time. The third and 4th times? Terrible too. At what point do you quit going there. I just can't justify spending that kind of money to ruin my Saturdays over and over again. I can do that fine all by myself. Honestly, yesterday I would have rather been out mowing the yard instead of sitting through that. I'm tired of buying a bad product.

Teagles:

6 in the country my ass...

What year is it? Did I wake up in 2012?
Glad we have this new screen so that the fans can see how shitty we're doing IN ULTRA HUGE HIGH DEF!!!
Good Lord, Jeremy Johnson better learn to play school, cause he sure as hell isn't gonna be playing quarterback much longer
literally shove a lit sparkler up my dick hole.
So I just got done sitting my liver down and having a talk with him. I told him I was going to need him to work some extra hours this season. No... I can't pay him overtime, but I let him know he's an integral part of the team this season.

Fuck this shit we shouldn't even be ranked. I was willing to forget last week if we could come out and quickly bury an FCS TEAM but nope fuck this.

Team chaos has demanded a sacrifice...Auburn has volunteered!

Anyone who ranks us next week should be shot. Survivors shot again.

At least our new trees will stay safe until the winter cold comes in.

At what point does Gus pull JJ?  I don't think we will all season.  Pull him now.  JJ, if you are on your smart phone reading his now, pull yourself.

Somewhere, Kiehl Frazier is nodding...

If JJ is in next series, then he and Gus are lovers. No other explanation

So...hard...not...to...completely...melt...must...resist...

Malzahn Chizzed us, boys. Look forward to paying him off for the next five years.

If Muschamp can't save our defense who can?

If not for cuss-words, I'd be speechless.

Jeremy Johnson is overrated. Auburn is overrated. Gus Malzahn and Rhett Lashley are WAY overrated. We all need to be ready for the hell we're going to catch next week. This is beyond embarrassing.

JJ shouldn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders. He should have the weight of his ass on the bench.

I've had it. Gus is a moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He should be fired for this game alone.

At least we know we're bad now, and the rest of the season won't be as stressful worrying about making the playoffs.

Someone tell me this is a nightmare

Sometimes a little logic, common sense and reality is good.  We have a fraud as a HC (he was a good OC though).

Now we definitely know that Auburn is better when flying under the radar. I never want to be pre season ranked again.

Can Auburn beat anyone in the SEC on our schedule? I'm being serious.

What's the buyout?

Please....Chip Kelly?

I'm going to get a lot done this fall. I'll be damned if I watch this garbage Malzahn is putting on the field. Seriously time to think about firing him.

How many quarterbacks has malzahn had that he recruited that have been good? He has had success with transfers but what about the guys he recruited?

Can't wait to see how the sunshine pumpers spin this.

Auburn needs to bow up to the SEC and tell them no more 11:00 starts. Let Vandy play 11:00. And we just need to never schedule another FCS team. It's only a chance for embarrassment...

I doubt we win another game this year. UK and Idaho should be close games, though.

What a bunch of pussies
#5 apparently has a very liberal concept of blocking which mostly consists of staring at defenders and playfully gesturing that might make contact with them
oh my fucking god
God damn I miss nick Marshall

And, finally, the fitting closer:

i never thought a Gus Malzahn team could look this bad on offense. The bammers gonna have a field day with this.

Yes. Yes we are...