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NSFW: It's Meltdown Time! Week Four

This week's edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others.

By Josh Chatham
Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to week four of Meltdown Time, folks. Here's hoping that a little schadenfreude will help you forget that the college football regular season is already a third of the way gone. This week we have four worthy participants, leading off with the Tennessee fans who were oh-so-certain that this was the year that the ten eleven year losing streak to Florida would come to an end. Butch Jones seems to be wearing out his welcome in fine fashion as they flat-out choked away another game on an incredible 4th-and-14 TD pass with a minute and a half to play. After that, we move on to the Texas fans who unbelievably still have the energy to put in a solid Meltdown effort. They lost their game in a painful manner as their punter, inside of two minutes to play in a tie game... well, if you didn't see it, just watch the gif. You will understand.

Third we have Auburn fans, who are clearly ready to jump off the Gus Bus after managing all of nine points, at home, against Mississippi State. In true Auburn fashion they are particularly upset at the announcers for their coverage of the clown show, with alleged racist and noted Auburn hater Rod Gilmore taking the brunt of the angst. I fully expect Rod to get plenty of hate mail this week, and look for a Lee County petition to remove ESPN2 from local cable packages. Closing it out are the lone newcomers to #Meltdown2015, the Oregon Ducks. They were absolutely taken to the woodshed by a Utah team that now looks like a legitimate contender to come out of the Pac-12. Not even gaudy uniforms can soothe their pain.

For the first time, I am including a poll at the bottom so you can vote for the winning fan base. There are so many great candidates this week, I honestly can't decide. As always, the language in this post is abhorrent. There is swearing, racism, homophobia, and all sorts of other deplorable stuff. If you are easily offended in any way, please read no further. You have been warned.

Good Old Rocky Flop:

GAS STATION CONDOMS GIVE BETTER PROTECTION THAN OUR O-LINE

"Hi, I'm first half Tennessee and I have DirectTV."
"Hi, I'm second half Tennessee and I have cable."

I HATE THIS TEAM. I HATE THIS GAME. I HATE FLORIDA. BUTCH, DEBORD AND JANECK NEED TO DO ALCOHOL ENEMAS WITH THE CHEAPEST WHISKEY THEY CAN FIND.

GODDAMMIT COLTON JUMPER YOU GINGER FUCK

I guess I'm getting salty. I just flipped off a grinning Florida fan on my TV.

So is Butch going to held accountable for his bullshit play-not-to-lose tactics in every one of these important games that he has a lead in? How many passes does he get for shitty end of game coaching?

Fucking shit, I hate everything.

FUCK YOU BUTCH.

HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DO THIS SHIT ON 4TH DOWN ALL THE GODDAMN TIME WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK TENNESSEE!!!!!!

If we can't win at football, at least we'll still be number one in crippling alcoholism after tonight.

There is always next decade...

BJ needs to be ran out Knoxville. Screw this fraud

Same fucking BS! Jesus H. Christ!!

"trust Butch" they said "Butch gets it" they said

Holy mother of god

Roll damn Tide.

I don't know whether to cry or laugh hysterically.

Anyone want to buy my tickets because they're not worth shit.

We are a national laughing stock.

I just threw up

the god hate us

The pain just keeps on coming.

Lol. All you defenders of this piss ass offense can suck me

Firebutch.com about to go up

Butch Jones can go to hell.

It over... Cancel the program

Our coaching staff should beat themselves after this game

I think pitchforks are on sell at Home Depot. Who's buying?

Metrosexual Coaches can not win in the SEC

All those people that called me negative: Jesus loves you.

Don't wait until the parking lot. Fire his fucking ass on the GD field before he can shake McElwain's hand.

My Saturdays just opened up.
I refuse to spend time, money & patience on a team that can't get it done.
3rd year head coach loosing to first year coach & backup QB?

Get the fuck out of TN Butch!!!!! This staff is fucking retarded!

oh you silly negavols! get off this board. It's for Real fanz only. You'll be sorry when Tennessee is relevant again in the year 2032. Negavol negavol negavol? Amen

I'm done as a Vols fan

Gotta take a break from this. I just can't stand it. Makes me ill.

Fire this vagina of a head coach!

Congrats to Mcelwain on becoming the next coach who never lost to tennessee.

Thank God for alcohol.

i am so [FULMERIZING] tired of this [FULMERIZED]
just stupid [FULMERIZED] over and over. year after year

Battered Vol Syndrome
Is strong

Dear Butch
Please learn how to coach a close game and not just recruit. We've loved your recruiting, but you gotta make it count for something. You cannot run two vanilla plays with the game on the line. Up the middle hasn't worked all game. Don't try it on second and third down when you're down by one with a minute left and 75 yards to go. Please don't be willing to go to the WR screen-throwback to the QB when the game isn't on the line, then guarantee a loss with horrible play calling when the game is on the line. Talk about punch in the gut. Unbelieveable. I want to love Butch. I really do. But he cannot continue to go conservative and play not to lose, when in fact that plan does exactly that. Every time. Multiple times in a row.....

Sincerely,
Every Vol Fan ever

Texas Plight:

It sucks we have to trot out a WR that has never been able to catch a football.

Just face the fucking facts. Senior WRs suck ass and drop catches. Walk on safety can't play. Senior 5 star RB can't do shit. This game is over, team will start 1-5. Charlie is gone. Deal with it.

Hit someone 65 you pussy

Fuck you Rudolph you red nosed bitch

Being unhappy with the officiating is one thing..
getting straight up no lube fucked in the ass is another

Hey look, its Hollywood faggot James Franco. For the 43rd time during this game

the battle of who sucks less dick
this is a shit show

When will the Horns finally get a TE that's worth at least one shit?

Time to get my funnel.

these refs fucking suck dog dick

I hope these refs get raped in front of their whore wives and daughters

Worst officiated game in history of sports. Refs deserve PRISON.

our oline is concentrating in matador studies

I've seen whores put up more of a fight in the streets than this shit bag fucking offense line

goodbye world.

We just lost. Fuck everyone. Fire very ducking person

every week, a new way to go out in disgrace

Oh my fucking god. We are fucking cursed fuck my life fuck it all to hell

Just fucking kill me

Bout to get blackout drunk, fuck this

Caucasians.Weak link.

We are the radio of college football

fuck my ass

The ghost of mack brown needs to be exorcised from DKR by Pope Francis.

And all the fucking aggy are watching this.

I'm going to go burn myself to death.

Seriously, this is Aggie bullshit. We suck.

I'm taking up theater&the arts.

SON OF MOTHERFUCKING BITCH SHIT
take away the ref fucking and we win this godamn game. This crew should never work a game again, not even pop warner

There is nothing more painful than losing on a special teams blunder-unless it's losing TWO fucking weeks in a row on a special teams blunder. I am going to have to stop watching this shit, my cardiologist already has enough money.

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, thanks to another regarded kicker.

So we're lynching the punter tonight correct?

This is why motherfuckers burn couches.

My soul has been ripped frm my fucking body by people that just have to kick fucking balls. I am going to eat aome benadryl and fall asleep we are ducked

coaches r retarded, plyers r retarded, refs are paid off, burn the fucking stadium to the ground

Makes me wonder what pleasant surprises we're in for next week? Self-sack? More record-setting flags? Self-inflicted safeties to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?

Fuck everything. Fuck the refs. Fuck charlie for blowing up after that bullshit call. Fuck taking timeouts when your offense can't move the ball. Fuck OU.

Sans rice we're the worst team in the fucking state

War Damn Feeble:

WELCOME TO THE GUS MALZAHN-RHETT LASHLEE DUMPSTER FIRE

No. Just fucking no. Don't go through the whole fucking game shitting on Auburn and then, at the LITERAL LAST FUCKING SECOND mention, "Oh yea, they're missing their best guy on defense." Assholes. Fuck you and your mother.

I would like to point out that winning this game would require us to touch the fabled "end zone" I've heard so much about. I hear there's like up to EIGHT points in there!

Sean is getting fucked in every sense of the word. His receivers don't catch shit and his O line doesn't block.

Gus is not a wizard, he's a magician throwing a lot of smoke and mirrors up. When you see the amount of injuries we have, you gotta question the strength and conditioning. Penalties are killing us. One or two can be attributed to hyped up players. This many is lack of discipline.

Rod Gilmore could really go sit in traffic at anytime. Playing like shit or not it's ridiculous to be getting dogged like this by "neutral" commentators

We're just so pitiful on defense. 6 years of this is just hurts.

Seans' face just showed he is fucked too. Now we have no QB's....thanks you selfish pos motherfucker

Calls the slowest developing play ever when we are getting ZERO FUCKING OROTECTION

The fact that we have just lost back to back years to the shit stain of the SECw makes me not give two flying fucks in a buy 2 get 7 free flying fucks sale.
The players will continue to check out as well.
The talent is wasted.
We are Auburn.
Yay

Anybody in VA? I'm about to fuck a sonic up.

Don't worry yall! The defense goves up here and shit stain U puts up another TD to make it worse that it should have been.
#WeAmAubrinz

And fuck you Jeremy Johnson. If you think you and your family think you're starting next week, go chug some bleach.

Well I just switched to the hard shit. It was fun tonight guys. Defense definitely had improved. Gus is a fucking douche play caller. Here's to s good Sunday of fantasy football

Duke doesn't even care. He's got a "fuck this shit" look on his face

Why the fuck are we getting to the line like we have all the time in the world?
Oh and Duke fans? THAT shit is why right there. He doesn't give a single fuck.

Gilmore can eat a bowl of dicks and die

Why is White unable to find anyone open? Oh yeah, Malzahn. Fire this motherfucker now

Stop. Just fucking stop. You are seeing all the potential this squad will see. They have been 'coached' right the fuck out of any 'potential' they may have had. We've gotten progressively worse and that's not going to stop. Again, as repeated ad nauseum, give this level of pre "coached" talent to any other program and they make waves... We make 'worst of' lists.
We have a problem. A major problem.

Don't pout, Gus. This shitshow is all you, motherfucker. Defense did their job. You go pack your fucking bags

Well this was fucking blast, good luck to anyone trying to find me passed out in a ditch later tonight

When they interview Gus I wished he'd say," I have no idea what I'm doing", I respect him so much more.

This POS staff should man up and take their millions of free money and step aside. The most pathetic POS motherfuckers I've ever seen. FUCK GUS AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY

We are the worst team in the SEC. We couldn't beat Vandy.

Offense couldn't save their mother if she were on fire.

These announcers are officially racist. Sean white is ten times the runner JJ is and they keep blaming lack of points on him not being a runner and saying JJ would have done better. WHAT FREAKING GAME ARE THEY WATCHING???

Our play calling is just a hap hazzard mishmash of bullshit.

This is funny. Malzahn needs to go back to Arky State and take Lashlee with him.

Are the lights of the Jumbotron reflecting off of stuff on the field annoying anyone else?

Roc hurt, 3rd and 19, 7 mins left, 13 points

What else could go wrong

Every single Ineman should be benched. They are the worst Line I have ever seen at AU. They lost us this game and will lose us atleast 4 more if they don't improve. Pathetic is not a strong enough word.

who calls a play action on 3rd and 20??

AU turning SEC home games into live audition scrimmages. The poor performances suck, but to be touted as a pre-season contender by everyone and end up being the cellar West team is alarming at best.

Quack is Wack:

I've never tackled someone in my life - I think I should try out for our defense.

Hi I'm the Oregon secondary and I have cable.

"Marcus who?"
Fuck yourself.

It's 55-13 and there is still one quarter left. What fucking parallel universe are we in?

Oh god we're going to lose to Washington this year.

Oh man, please hang like 80 points on us, Utah. We really need a new staff.

If only we'd nailed that 2 point conversion in the 1st quarter. Things would have been so different...

So this is what it feels like.

How Can That TouchDown Be Real If Our Defense Isn't Real

Can we just get a mercy rule? I've got work early tomorrow and I'd rather not get fucked in the ass for another 20 minutes.

I'm at Autzen right now. Entire place feels like all of their souls have been forcibly extracted from their bodies. Terrible.

Remember Mariota? Wasn't that fun?

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed

Do...do we have to play the 4th quarter?

I'm not even like upset or anything. But I still have that like "I could cry if I wanted to feeling" in the back of mouth. But I'm not upset. Ohhh this is what feeling completely numb is like. Welp, this is new as a Ducks fan. Felt it for years as a Blazers fan. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO CROSSOVER.

when I was at OR [80-85] we would rink beer and smoke dope in the parking lot until halftime and if we were still in the game we would go in. I am so glad current students can share my experience..

We're a competitive cheer school anyway!

OMG, THIS IS SO FSKING DEPRESSING

WE SUCK

GOD I AM REELING
I DID NOT ANTICIPATE THIS IN THE SLIGHTEST. JUST HOLY SHIT.

Fire everyone
I want a coach that will only run the triple option.
Forward passes are a gimmick.

WE ARE BAD AND SHOULD FEEL BAD

I'M GOING TO GO LOOK FOR A RUSTY RAZOR BLADE.

OUR DEFENSE COULD BE THE WORST IN THE COUNTRY
UTAH IS JUST FUCKING WITH US NOW

I FEEL LIKE THE SOUND OF SILENCE SHOULD BE PLAYING WHENEVER WE HAVE THE BALL

You know, it's cool when you're good and wear flashy uniforms . . .
It's embarrassing when you're bad.

TEQUILA
Holy crap I need tequila.

What are the chances Uncle Phil makes a phone call and Helfrich gets fired this year?

Just going to say it. Fuck this coaching staff. Fuck them for taking something great and making me watch this at 5:30am.

WAKE UP SHITHEADS
PRIDE, FUCKERS, PLAY FOR PRIDE

FEELS LIKE THE 5TH LEVEL OF HELL
WHERE IS DANTE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

Fuck everything
Literally everything.

Time to go to a pro-style offense with a heavy emphasis on time of possession.

I blame apple-green unis.

Break out the guillotine

This is like watching Einstein in a chess match against a 5 year old with Down syndrome.

So are we going to beat wake Forest in the bowl game this time?

Let's be honest, we're no longer a championship contender in and out. Maybe we'll have a great season where the stars align, but now that we don't have Chip and Mariota, we won't be what we used to be.

Unbelievable, Ichabod Crane has almost 100 yards rushing in the first half...

Look for all other teams we play to do this stuff. After all we have boat raced most of them for years....pay back is a bitch.

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