NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 6

Hey y’all thanks for comin back to see me again, I’ve been waiting a whole week for ya. As always I’ve brought the weekly helping of internet rage and I see you’ve brought your popcorn.

This is week six of our beloved college football season which means either we’re halfway done with this season or I’m not as good at math as I thought. Either way it feels like it’s going by faster than a man with SEC speed streaking down the sideline.

As we plunge in to the meatier part of the schedule, never forget to cherish these fleeting moments of someone else’s extreme pain because they will be gone before you know it.

Anyway let’s get to the football sads! Tennessee finally lost its devil magic and was downed at the hands of those Aggies in Texas in a dramatic and painful double OT loss. Texas lost the Red River Rivalry Shootout Showdown Football Game and Charlie Strong might not make it to November.

Arkansas hosted the Tide at home and extended their losing streak to a decade at the hands of Bama. And lastly we focus on a game that wasn’t played, might not be played, but still made LSU fans madder than a Cajun tasting food from the Midwest.

As always what follows is filled to the bring with pottymouthery so if you ain’t about that life I suggest you turn back now. Please enjoy the show.

ROCKY PLOP

Myles Garrett obsessed with dinosaurs

Josh Dobbs obsessed with space

We got 8 year old nerds leading two top 10 teams

"It's not chess. It's checkers."

Well I was way off. I thought it was football.

"Hahaha! Concussions are funny!"

- Gary

If we're doing 75 minute quarters, I'm going to need more beer

Is this a football game or a 6 hour car commercial?

Guys I'm naked, with only my lucky Tennessee hat on, and my balls are trimmed. I've pulled out all the stops.

My father in law's name is Gary. He is a Notre Dame fan. He talked shit from 3pm til half an hour ago. How you gonna lose to Duke two weeks ago and talk shit about my team. I'm gonna go fuck your daughter, Gary.

‘member when football games didn’t last 5 hours?

al·co·hol·ism (/ˈalkəhôˌlizəm/)

noun

an addiction to the consumption of alcoholic liquor as a result of supporting the University of Tennessee football team

"Vols fans have a long history of depression and alcoholism" Also see Alcovolism.

I feel like I just got waterboarded for information critical to the United States.

I drove 15 hours from knoxville with two of my buddies to go to this game and this is the shit i get for it? Fuck me for having faith in this team enough to waste a weekend going to a shit town for a shit game with two shit teams to have them shit all over me.

"I wish Allie would use my face as a barstool."

What was that Gary?

"Shit we're live? Uh. Turnovers. Flags, bad."

If we win this game, I will finish all the alcohol in this house.

If we lose, same.

That was literally like the fan thing from the Buffalo Wild Wings commercial. Every fucking week I can’t handle this shit.

Today's playbook:

Make a bunch of great plays

Gain a bunch of yards

Load gun

Shoot foot

STEP RIGHT UP AND SPIN THE TURNOVER WHEEL!!!

WHAT WILL IT BE THIS TIME?

TIPPED PASS INT?!?

JUST DROPPING THE BALL?!?

HAVING YOUR FACE EXPLODED AND FUMBLING?!?

IT'S ANYONE'S GUESS!!!

If you have problems starting up that old car, no worries, call Tennessee they can help getting it to turn over

If I fumbled 6 times in NCAA 14 I'd owe my roommate a new TV and would likely be facing an assault charge

Butch: "Say pixie dust one more time, bitch"

If CBS had filmed the Kennedy assassination they would have kept a camera on Jackie O's face the entire ride to the hospital.

Classless fucks.

This game game is two vaguely athletic men beating each other with pool noodles until someone giggles

TENNESSE AINT BOUTA GO OUT LIKE NO BITCH

God-2016

Tennessee is doing their best Virginia Tech impression right now.

I see tennesse has this game set to Heisman difficulty

New theory: Butch is a cat. Cats have 9 lives. Butch has sold 5 of his lives to the devil.

Reveille is a bad dog

TEXAS BAD

Hope a sinkhole opens up and swallows their mouth-breathing, sibling-$#@!ing, uneducated $#@!s

I love Jesus but I hate those $#@!s so much.

My liver has healed just in time to kick its ass again.

Baker Mayfield would look cooler if someone punched him in the $#@!in mouth

When's the Mixon video getting released?

My buddy was watching from a bar in China. An OU and UT fan got into a fight in the bar.

Missing: Defense.

If found, please return to your nearest Big 12 team.

Just fuck my shit up fam

Hi I'm first and second down Texas defense and I have DirecTV.

And I'm third down Texas defense, and I have cable!

Kirk Herbstreit can get fucked

Nothing screams "our rivalry is irrelevant now" than being played on FS1.

I don't feel anything anymore.

That dropped ball kind of metaphorically sums up Texas as a whole. Have the athleticism to beat a guy and have a wide open play that should be and would be an easy touchdown for any other team but then we overthrow it, lose the ball in the sun and the receiver kind of falls down while trying to catch it and so we go from an easy 7 to having to punt it away.

We don’t deserve Gus Johnson calling our game.

This is the Red River Shootout and anyone who disagrees can go to oklahoma fuck PC america

Are we gonna still be able to afford Herman after paying these refs?

Texsa Longsperms

Conspiracy thought: Texas didn't pay the refs, LSU did. They are trying to save Charlie's job so they can get Herman.

She just turned two months and already thinks OU sucks! A least I’m a good father

DID U KNOW?: The Cotton Bowl is not actually made out of cotton.

Mood rn

There is no such thing as an upset in the big 12 Fox. Just disappointment.

'Member when this game shaped the CFB landscape? I 'member.

I've run out of self-deprecating comments

TEXAS BACK! TO BACK! TO BACK LOSSES!!!!

Hank Hill didn’t die for this shit

Of course we lose on a shit attempt at a hook and ladder where everyone who gets the goddam ball stands there with there dick in there hands and looks for another fucktard to catch it and not do shit. Fuck Charlie “I can’t coach a goddam defense” Strong. Fuck Shane “I didn’t have the good sense to not get ejaculated after my daddy’s vasectime” Buechele. And Fuck the goodam state of Oklahoma for being a piece of shit no matter how many shitty football games they win.

BOO PIG SOOIE

I don't even know who to blame. Pittman's half assed recruiting? Anderson's poor coaching? Bielema for hiring them?

"Inexcusible missed tackles" should be the Arkansas motto.

My theory: some jackasses tailgated too hard and said "Hey, you know what would be epic? If we knocked out the refs, took their uniforms, and posed as the refs for the game tonight! How many quarters do you think we could do it until they notice?"

Austin Allen is a fucking warrior. Nobody should have to endure this.

Nick Saban seems like one of the few times in my life I'll witness sports history being made and be aware of it as it's happening.

Truly tired of this bullshit. Every fucking year we lose to Alabama

MEMBER WHEN ARKANSAS WAS KNOWN FOR SUFFOCATING DEFENSE?

MEMBER WHEN ARKANSAS WAS KNOWN FOR COMPETENT OFFENSIVE LINE PLAY

Someone needs to give Austin Allen a fucking vacation at a spa or something. After these last two weeks he certainly deserves it.

Shirts for the next game: Austin Allen's Life Matters

Even more relevant after tonight.

If our offensive line (besides Ragnow, love ya man) didn't play like absolute rotten donkey shit, we may have had a chance.

It's always next year when you're playing Nick Saban.

Thank god Bert is a fucking man and willing to take a flag to jump down this shit show of refs throats

Woo Pig Pooie is more accurate today

What the fuck was that. I don't want to see that shit especially from my own team.

I only ask one thing. Don't actually cripple our QB. He's pretty good.

Me at this game every goddamn year

Well, we should probably be dropped from the top 25. We have a horrible offensive line and a defense than only shows up 25% of the time. If it weren't for Allen, our receivers, Sprinkle and RWIII we wouldn't even be in the conversation. TCU win doesn't look so impressive anymore. I'm glad I have alcohol. Life in the SEC West is suffering.

"Derpy doo gonna watch you catch the ball in the endzone and pick my nose" -#29

Really he couldn't have even tried to knock it down or anything? Anything?

I feel great knowing that our OLine can block Bama's third string.

So is it possible for us to hire Les Miles as our DC next season?

Everything HURTS

Don't worry, we can win next year!

Or the next year. Or the next year..

Wanted: Defensive talent

Wanted: Defensive coach

Wanted: Offensive Line talent

Wanted: Offensive Line coach

Wanted: Signature win vs Bama and A&M

Wanted: Signature win

Wanted: whisky

HURRICANE AIN’T PLAYED NOBODY PAWL

Greg sankey called saban up and asked what he should do and saban obviously said "fuck em"

Hypothetically Tennessee is connected to the ocean. A hurricane is projected to go by your state and up to Carolina over the weekend. It changes course in less than 24 hours and will now hit your state and parallel to your campus head on. Do you pack up your players, support staff and coaches to fight through evacuation traffic that is at a standstill? To get to an airport that has thousands of scared citizens. Fly three states away during the stormin and prevent your players. The majority of whom have family that lives in the very state about to be hit all because of a football game?

Does that sound logical to you?

"Do you know what a shit-baramoter is bubs?"

There is a simple fix, the game is counted as a forfeit for Florida as far as SEC standings go

Florida, under the direction of outgoing (and legendary) athletic director Jeremy Foley used Hurricane Matthew to get out of playing LSU this week and weekend under ANY circumstance. Once the game was understandably and responsibly canceled for noon on Saturday, Foley rejected every LSU effort to transport the Gators to Baton Rouge and play the game there (at no cost to Florida). He then also rejected every LSU offer to fly in and play the game in Gainesville at any time on Sunday or Monday

Can LSU file a class action lawsuit against UForfeit?

Okay. How do we prove that we are fans of LSU in this class action suit? I'm gonna be pissed if I find out that a Bama fan got some money by pretending to be an LSU fan.

Frick 11/19. Only way this game is played is if cocktail party is moved.

They collected the insurance money and we have to go play there if the SEC mandates it, so they would get those funds also.

LSU on the other hand has to pay USA $1.5mil and we lose a home game.

We need to use the FL law and "stand our ground".

We forfeit the game, but they can't force us to play it.

Are we being punked? Is this real life, cause i don't know anymore.

On the bright side, looks like for the first time everyone hates each other so if this game actually happens we might have a real rivalry game!

So under these same circumstances in 2005, the LSU vs TN game was just moved to Monday night. This is just another example of pandering to Alabama. Watch LSU (6-1) run the table, but have Alabama (-1) represent the West in Atlanta.

I can see it all play out now. LSU and Florida both win out and all the other teams in contention lose and you end up with LSU vs Florida in the SEC championship in the game that never was, and CBS jizzes all over themselves building that story up.

Alleva right now.

This game is the only one in the entire country that has been cancelled. Sankey is owned by Florida.

It's amazing every other school in the course of the hurricane was able to make alternate plans.

LSU was willing to play the game in Baton Rouge, Gainesville, or a neutral site Sunday or even Monday. Hell, I would've loved a Bryant-Denny Sunday matchup

How in the fuck is staying in gainesville safer than flying to baton rouge?

I heard Florida's AD actually built a hurricane generator and caused Matthew to get out of this game. Why aren't more people talking about this?! It is soo obvious once you look at the "facts."

If the game is played they shouldn't be able to collect insurance money.. Seems like fraud to me. UForfeit and UFraud… They'll get what is coming to them.