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An ode to Brandon Chicken: The 2nd Annual Roll ‘Bama Roll Haiku Contest

Last year you came strong. There’s a lot more to laugh at this season.


Last season (borrowing from Nico in 2008,) we had the first of what will hopefully be an annual Roll ‘Bama Roll haiku contest. I can’t short sell this one: You ladies and gentlemen were superb in your efforts to describe Lane Kiffin and the offense in just 17 syllables. (Read that again if you need a good laugh.)

This year, we’re doing it again.

But, there were so many excellent ones last season we decided to have two winners this year. The bounty is plentiful too. Two of you clever ‘Bammers will entertain us, enthrall us with your wit and wisdom, and in return, you shall receive a Roll ‘Bama Roll Gump Starter Pack: a T-shirt, two coozies, and a giant foam finger.

This year, as last, has a theme. But, it’s a bit more expansive as we have three categories to choose from. Below are the rules:


  1. Members of any SBN site can compete (so come strong, Alabama fans.) All entries must occur in the comments: No Facebook comments, tweets, emails, texts or hastily scrawled love letters shall be acceptable.
  2. Profanity shall be exceedingly mild, if at all. For instance "damn" is acceptable in the context of the "Run the damn/dang ball, Lane" meme. #RTDBL. Let's not have an orgy of eff-bombs, okay?
  3. The haiku shall be limited to one of three topics: 1.) Brandon Chicken/Alabama’s offseason legal issues; 2.) Special Teams under Coach Bobby Williams; or 3.) “phrases overheard in opponents’ locker rooms.” Player names are acceptable.
  4. If you see one you like, recommend it and/or comment upon it. Your feedback shall play a part, though not be dispositive, in helping to determine the winner. Humor obviously helps. The entire RBR editorial board will ultimately decide to prevent cries of favoritism and/or ruthless tyranny.
  5. The contest ends on Sunday, October 30th at Noon Central. Winner to be announced later that week.
  6. Per SBN rules, I am require to inform you that 1. there are rules to the contest (what you’re reading now,) and 2. there shall be a prize under $100.00 of value (see above.)
  7. Haiku shall conform to standard 5-syllable, 7-syllable, 5-syllable convention, like last year’s winner:

Those are the rules; those are the rewards.

Get going and good luck!