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Hello old friends! It's already November but it feels like the season just started yesterday. So much has happened since this season's first installment. We've seen coaches fired, entire conferences eliminated from the playoff, and I've even learned what a run on sentence is and how sometimes 17 commas are too many for one sentence and being long-winded doesn't mean you're smart. (redacted by editor).
A Bama bye week afforded us the privilege to spend more time drinking in the misery of others. We were not let down.
The fighting "this is our year but actually it's for real this time no seriously we aren't kidding" of Tennessee lost to the Gamecocks of South Carolina falling to 0-5 against Will Muschamp coached teams. Ole Miss strutted into a match up against Auburn believing they were the best four loss team in the country but left unsure if they were the best five loss team in the country.
Baylor took their undefeated season down to Austin for a romp with the Longhorns. The game was an absolute horrifying beautiful mess ending with a Baylor loss and the Big 12's playoff hopes likely dead. Lastly the Seminoles hosted an undefeated Clemson team and hoped to bring on a recall to the term Clemsoning. They did not and lost by three in what might be the worst officiated game of the year.
First time readers! Welcome to this delightful place. Thanks for coming but I really need you to know the language below is as foul as the collective state of Alabama during the Iron Bowl. Enjoy Responsibly!
LOLUNTEARS
Muschamp 5-0 vs Tennessee
Hi, I'm first drive Tennessee and I don't have any TV at all cause I'm homeless
Hi, I'm second half Tennessee and I'm injured
Dobbs is being out quaterbacked by a high schooler...smh
Where is the patented Tennessee review the play after we've already snapped the ball
Dobbs has two modes tonight. +30 and -30, there's no inbetween
More flags than the United Nations
Yup. That's technically targeting.
But that's why targeting is a fucking joke of a penalty.
after further review my fucking ass
Florida just won the East
REVIEW THE FUCKING PLAY YOU FUCKING FUCKS
Major mentioned...DRINK
I see the ref has decided to make himself the star of the show tonight
Okay Dobbs if you're trying to shoot a missile at a satellite but there are four other satellites in the area…
Some say Jack Daniels was a Tennessee fan, which is why he spent so much time creating the perfect whiskey knowing he’d need a handle of it every Saturday in the fall.
I hope he fails his test Monday.
show a replay of the punt, please
I still think SEC refs have had it out for us since we threatened to murder that Gaffney call guy. I mean c'mon it was 15 years ago. What's a few death threats anyway?
Hello alcohol my old friend
I've come to drink you again
Wow the University of Tennessee commercial showed a farmer, a busker, a fast food worker, an elementary school teacher, and a groundskeeper. I mean I'm not putting down any of those professions at all, but it's like you're handing them ammo.
Dobbs, the ground doesn't wear orange stop throwing to it.
Holy fucking shit Dobbs is absolute garbage.
I hate fucking football fuck the gators
I'd screen the shit out of them
-DeBord, probably.
That bammer fan was right, I hate Tennessee too.
REBEL SCUM
The Ole Miss offense in the redzone pic.twitter.com/Zsl1UlVRP4
— BUFFALO CHILL CODY (@edsbs) October 30, 2016
I would like to die
HOW IN THE FUCK DO JONES/BATOON STILL HAVE JOBS
i am out of profanity for this defense god damn
They are taught that the dropped pass is our best and only pass defense.
we are made off papier mache and piss
Wow. fuck this shit. the one time we don’t need him to fuck up, it fucks up
Hello 3-5
fuck Archie's record I want to win games
We will never reach ATL with this fucking bush league coaching staff.
my goodness fuck this saggy offense
Best 3-5 team in the country?
chad threw for almost 500 yards and we lost
when he misfired on that open TD throw to Engram I knew we were fucked
chad threw for almost 500 yards and we lost
when he misfired on that open TD throw to Engram I knew we were fucked
When does softball season start?
How many times did we run up the middle on first down?
Week after week after week we do the same ole stuff and get the same ole results. Where are all the defenders of Dave Womack? Where are all the defenders of the run up the middle on first down telling us with many, many statistics how great we are in the run game? Where are all the defenders of the defense telling us "except for FIVE plays, the defense was DOMINANT"?
I was a REBEL during the Billy Kinard fiasco and I was a REBEL during the Coach "O" fiasco and I am still a REBEL during the 2016 Hugh Freeze fiasco. But—————-it still hurts like hell to see us "play" like we did last night
12th man ref deserves player of the game.
Why does the rest of the west have to be so good?
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Liquor and girls. He's talking about liquor and girls.
ah so this is what PTSD feels like
Ole Miss D limper than mine after 5 glasses of whiskey.
This game went full Big 12, you never go full Big 12.
.Fire the bagmen imo
Sometimes I like to tell myself I’m an emotionally healthy, well-adjusted human being. But then I watch Ole Miss football and am quickly reminded that I am not.
This fuckboy team couldn’t even beat Notre Dame right now.
There’s no such thing as a quality loss. All losses are bad because they make me feel bad.
The Egg bowl will be the biggest shit show of rivalry week and we’re going to lose. I feel it in my bones.
Watching Ole Miss football is how I imagine it feels to be a heroin addict. At one point this was fun and I got enjoyment out of it, but now I do it because I must and it’s ruining my life my marriage and my teeth are falling out.
UNBEARABLE
Somebody set up a windmill so we can generate a year's worth of power from the Playoff Committee's collective sigh of Baylor relief.
— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) October 29, 2016
IF ART WAS COACHING TODAY....BEEN A DAMM DIFFERENT STORY!!!
Big12AfterNoon
"He's short and did not score."
Sounds like my typical weekend out at the bars.
7 minutes without a touchdown = DEFENSIVE SLUGFEST
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)╯╲_____ Oh, don't mind me, just taking my big 12 defenses for a walk
i feel like big 12 replay officials just looked at it and were like
"oh wait what difference does this make lol"
Should have been OPI and wasn't a touchdown. What a clown fiesta of an officiating crew.
"We're being told that he did not hit him with the crown of his helmet."
Oh ok I thought my eyes were telling me otherwise, but I'm glad we were told what actually happened. I'll make sure not to use video evidence as proof next time.
Just once I'd like to see a shot of McConaughey at a football game without the commentator going "alright, alright, alright"
"Baylor knew exactly what they were doing all along" ಠ_ಠ
FORWARD PROGRESS MY ASSHOLE
Congratulations Texas, we are officially playing the worst college football game of the entire year together. We should both get an award for this.
"After further review... Uh whichever one benefits Texas"
Please stop talking about the cannon. Unless you're going to show cannon girl again I don't care
These refs are the sole reason the Big 12 should break up. Holy christ they should be fired.
That was the most surprising 'not guilty' verdict I've seen since…
That's a fucking late hit...seriously what is this
Russell with the white on white crime
The Baylor player just wanted to wash his feet, right? That's what Jesus would've done. Right?
Brent Musberger:
"Texas is back folks!"
Narrator:
"Texas was not back"
NO TRUE CHAMPION -- Big "XII"
Here lies the Big 12's playoff hopes
What's horrifying is that this game was almost 4 and a half hours long and didn't even go into OT.
This chicken shit conference deserves its fate.
RIP Baylor football 2010-2016, it was a fun ride. See you all at 5-8 for the next 20 years
Texas is undefeated in top 10 matchups. They're 4-4 and they beat us.
The Baylor Doctrine tells me not to drink but the football team tells me to drink. I’m going to be like the administration and put football over everything else.
FSU
— FSU Football (@FSU_Football) October 30, 2016
The Chicago FSU and Clemson alumni associations were booted from their usual bars for the World Series, so we're both sharing a bar to watch this game. I can't see anything potentially going wrong with this....
Francois died for this.
TIL I can play offensive line for FSU.
"Gallman was knocked unconscious and doesn't even have memory of what was going on..."
Players proceed to congratulate him by smacking his head as hard as they can...
These refs are just the fucking worst. I mean, how do they even fucking justify some of this shit?
I'm so tired of this fucking garbage ass O-line. I remember in one of the episodes of that Showtime doc, the center, Eberle, was talking about how "Deandre Francois had definitely earned his respect." That shit pissed me off so much because Eberle has been absolute trash all season long. You should be the one trying to earn Francois' respect the way you're getting his ass killed while you stand there like a fucking deer in headlights every game.
HEY CLEMSON HOW DOES IT FEEL HAVING THE FUCKING REFS AS YOUR MVP?????
Cook deserves the Heisman over Matt Ryan IMO, mostly because Matt Ryan is ineligible due to being an NFL player
False Start University
Captain Chaos I fall at your feet and ask for your blessing!
IMAGE: FSU Quarterback Deondre Francois lines up in formation against the Clemson Tigers.
Everyone says their teams offensive line sucks.
I hope this game showed you what a sucky line actually looks like.
Can we make this our thing? Like instead of Roll Tide, if you see another ACC fan, "Fuck the refs" - "Yup, fuck the refs"
That was a sixty yard "fuck you" from the officiating crew.
FUCK ALL FIVE OF THOSE FUCKING LOSER ASS PIECES OF SHIT. THEY COST US EVERY FUCKING GAME THIS SEASON AND WILL PROBABLY END UP COSTING US A FUCKING QUATERBACK BY THE END OF THE SEASON.
Francois spends more time on his back than my ex girlfriend.
"This angle doesn't help, let's take a look at it from this angle 8 inches to the right"
Sorry guys, college games now have to be over by 11pm, new rule.
FSU wins
Clemson gunna get killed in the CFP if they can't bring their refs.
Shower thought: why doesn't Florida State call it the Jimbo-tron?
Entire nation, witness our shame - ACC refs
R I G G E D
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How is Francois still alive? He gets murdered like every game
Record Scratch
If I were Francois I would break into the offensive lines home in the middle of the night and beat the dog shit out of each one of them. He has spent more time on his back than a Tri Delta pledge