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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 12

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Insert clever witticism here.

NCAA Football: Texas at Kansas Gary Rohman-USA TODAY Sports

Dear friends I have some bad news I must share. The regular season is almost over which means we have only a precious few installments of this weekly meetup left before we return to the dreaded off season.

We’ll still see each other then, just not as much. Or maybe at all. It’s ok, y’all probably won’t find the weekly meltdown I do of minor league baseball fans near as entertaining. My mom says it’s funny though.

All that is just to remind you how precious these fleeting moments of extreme butt-hurt from other fans are. Every f bomb, cheating accusation, or call to fire everyone must be savored and stored for the insipid dark time that is the not football season.

Now let’s get down to business! Poor beautiful man Kliff Kingsbury’s team last week lost a one point game to Oklahoma State, a team that is good at football. This week Texas Tech took on Iowa State and lost 66-10 in a game in which they lost the chance at bowl eligibility.

Charlie Strong led his team into Kansas hoping to continue the 68 year win streak against the Jayhawks. Kansas won in overtime and Charlie Strong was fired Monday but as punishment will be forced to keep coaching at Texas until the regular season is done.

LSU and Florida faced off in the contest delayed by a hurricane which caused Tiger fans to scream with indignation about how the Gators were more frightened of LSU than the dangers of playing football in an active hurricane. Florida was so frightened that they beat LSU in Death Valley 16-10.

Louisville came into Thursday’s match against Houston angry about their #5 ranking by the CFP committee. The offensive line was so mad they forgot to show up, allowing Lamar Jackson to be sacked 11 times. Houston beat the Cardinals 36-10.

The language from this point on was not subject to the Internet Foul-Mouthery Standards Act of 1832 and is therefore quite heinous. Proceed as a consenting adult.

MATADOR DEFENSE

Watching Texas Tech is like contracting a serious disease. Except disease eventually has the decency to kill you.

"There's a four year gap on your resume.""I was in jail.""Really? Sure you didn't just go to Texas Tech?""Swear to God. Jail."

Here's a thought: Tech should've given Baker Mayfield that scholarship that he earned, and they promised him. Karma.

Tech gifted Iowa State with a career game.....no defense....players leaving the program in huge numbers....time for a coaching change

We should have known it wasn't going to work when more emphasis was put on uniforms & what they were going to wear than the actual game.

What in the h*%# just happened? I'm not even sure where we go from here? I started at Tech in '97, lived two seasons under Spike Dykes, many under Leach (when football was fun) and it's been a downward spiral ever since. Who would we even be able to hire that would lead us in the right direction?

I don't want to start from scratch again and I'm not sure there is a good replacement available that would come to lubbock but something HAS to change. Kliff is not a good coach, why did the athletic department wasted money sending the team to Ames. How were they that unprepared to play a ball game…

KK, if you love Tech so much, Give some of that salary back like Bobby Knight did.

When Trump finally gets those internment camps up we need to put Gibbs and coach bro in there #MAGA

Me IRL

If y’all keep dropping passes you’re gonna catch these hands.

When I was 9 years old I remember the time we went to go put down our dog of 16 years. I had known him all my life, and it was weird thinking of a life where he isn't there. The last thing I remember of him was lightly holding his tail when he was in a cage. I pulled some fur off of it so I had something to remember him by, which of course blew away when I broke into tears on the car ride back home.

Despite that, this was a less depressing experience than this football game.

http://imgur.com/NJnti4g

apology for poor english

when were you when texas tec dies

i was sat at home drinking bleach when iowa st rings

'tech is kill'

'no'

This is going to hurt our playoff chances.

I hope Craig James has a slow and painful death. Something that ISIS would find appalling. Texas Tech: the final hooker because we got fucked the worst.

It's alright guys we know meat judging is the only sport that matters. Three peat champs!

66-6 to OSU was bad. 82-27 to TCU was bad. This year giving up 8 touchdowns to the ASU running back was bad. Giving up 7 touchdowns to Mayfield and 350+ yards to Mixon was bad. Foreman getting nearly 350 yards was bad. This is really bad.

I think if Kansas got a second chance against us they'd win.

We’re obviously tanking for draft picks.

Texas Tech is an anything but football school.

Texas Tech D after the game

This was the most miserable sporting event I will ever watch in my life. It did not make me want to fire Kliff, or revoke scholarships. It made me want to go back in time and keep the school from ever existing. Last week we take the #13 team to the damn wire and seven days later we get beat by 56 points by IOWA FUCKING STATE! What the fuck is Kliff even doing besides their best ZTA impersonation laying on their back and taking it for 4 hours without saying a damn word and looking pretty while doing it. This shit makes me never want to watch sports again and makes me forget the fucking Cowboys are the best team in the NFL because Tech is such shit-fucking trash. I hate this team. I hate this school. I hate this city and I just want to get taken up in a real cyclone, thrown 500 yards into the side of a building and fucking die.

SORRY CHARLIE

When the pain returned after my vasectomy I thought that $#@! hurt. But I sit here watching the post game presser. Vasectomy wasn't $#@!

The players are playing like they don't give a fuck about strongs job. Maybe that's a sign he should get fired

At least we did a nice thing for Kansas? Fuck it at least this program can bring someone joy.

KD to Kansas confirmed

Texas isn't even ranked. Chaos should be paying more attention to Michigan right now. Clench that shit.

Kansas. Is. Back.

"squirting through a little hole" ??

Both of the Kansas fans somehow got the goalpost down.

Stop calling Charlie a great man. He's a goddamn thief committing felony larceny from a State university.

PC culture will be the end of Texas football. We are headed to Rice status.

There’s a book about our efense

I blame Trump for this, he said he was gonna help Texas build a wall.

Live look at Austin

Goodbye Charlie Strong. It was nice knowing you.

I'm going to call this game "The Toilet" because it's a regular Shit Bowl.

"Chad runs the Texas Longhorn Diehard facebook group that wants to keep Charlie because of his moral victories". This is about as millenial as a statement can get. Fuck Chad

"Fire Strong and you WILL circumvent what is beginning to take shape" is the new "The consequences will never be the same."

Rewind with Charlie Strong on LHN should be interesting this week

And let that be a lesson to you all. Nobody beats Kansas 24 times in a row

Holy shit they took the goalposts and threw them in the lake.

Kansas just fucked our shit up, not even in basketball. Today sucks.

http://imgur.com/a/1MfvC

We have to be happy that we held Kansas to a fucking FG on a turnover. Jesus

The last time Kansas beat Texas was before the start of World War II. Talk about the Great Depression.

HURRICANE’S VENGENCE

Gasoline, Napalm, Everclear, Lighter fluid… Match. #BurnItAllDown

Our receivers can’t catch anything besides an L

Thank god we weren't cocky about this game all season right guys? Sigh..

'Member when Florida was scared?

Congrats Florida. Your prize, Bama in Atlanta. More of a punishment than a prize.

If only we had as good a QB as Florida maybe we could beat bama.

We punished them for rescheduling because of a hurricane but it was us who received punishment in the end.

We’ve gotta hire Jimbo cus he’s the only one who can beat Saban.

When you talk trash for a fucking month and a half and then get beat at your own game.

This is what we deserve for talking shit about everyone and not living up to it. One of our dumbass players was talking shit about bama being scared of us when WE JUST GOT BEAT BY THEM!! Dumb motherfucker needs to learn to shut the hell up.

Update from stadium: a napkin almost made it from the east upper deck to the field. Everyone got excited

There's a Florida fan here eating a corndog

"KKNIDSDGFBASERNSAVHVHELNALIGHgotigers."

-Coach O

Florida got a 98 yard touchdown PASS?!?!?!?! WHAT UNIVERSE AM I IN.

Florida has no chance of winning this game but LSU definitely has a chance of losing it.

Show us on the doll where the football touched you

McElwain has ...interesting interviews.

How cool was that mannequin challenge at the goal line? They just didn't move.

Florida: I'm gonna shoot myself in the foot.

LSU: Well I'm gonna shoot myself in the nuts!

Florida in their color rush unis

"death valley is like an outdoor insane asylum" accurate

I seriously hope that Coach O was Fred Flintstone for Halloween

"Hey! The run is doing very well!"

Nussmeier: "....but what if we throw it?"

Applebee’s sucks, go Chili’s imo

Alright Coach, I'm thinking we need a recruit an elite quarterback this year.

"Is Purdue out of graduates?"

What?

"Get me that guy who won 2 games at Purdue."

LOSEIVILEE CARDONEALS

Was this one of those heisman moments i heard about?

Houston D vs Louisville O-line tonight

Holy shit Houston, Bobby Petrino had a family! I mean he doesn’t now for obvious reasons but still.

Ryan Nani secret identity confirmed

Papa John Stadium previously nicknamed “the slice” now nicknamed “the I want to slice open my wrists”

Louisville over Florida State by 43

Houston over Louisville by 31

SMU over Houston by 22

If SMU played Florida State on a neutral field, they would be favored by 96 points confirmed.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cxg9qJsUUAAohuC.jpg:large

Lord Chaos: "Damn, Saturday got a little out of hand, time to take a nap."

5 days later

"The fuck day is it? Thursday?! Shit, I'm fucking starving, hope there's something good in the fridge. . .

Louisville?!

Awwwww sheeeeeeeeiiiittt, I love #5's!!!

NOMNOMNOMWCHAOSNOMNOMNOM

Bobby petrino looks like a king of the hill character

Houston fans rush the field. Lamar Jackson gets sacked for the 12th time.

Hey Tom, It's Urban.

Bobby Petrino crashed Louisville's hype motorcycle.

You don't normally see ESPN reporting on a murder in the Third Ward.

Let’s see what the committee has to say on this game.

What’s funny is, of all of the most embarrassing moments in Bobby Petrino’s life, this probably doesn’t even crack the top ten.

A thank you note to Bobby from me.

Game has been over for days and Lamar Jackson just got sacked again. Some say he's still being sacked to this very day

Team Chaos reigns again

RED: The blood of angry birds

BLACK: My playoff hopes gone dark

RED: The shame that fills my words

BLACK: We'll probably hire Sark

At the end of the day, you got beaten by Houston

And that's all you can say when you're ranked number 5

Couldn't set up on a drive

No protecting your big Heisman star

Couldn't keep your CFP hopes alive

A huge blow for Lamar.

I Did not sack until today

How can I sack when the game hasn't started...

Tomorrow we'll be leagues away

and yet with you my league has started

Lamar Jackson looks like one of those broccoli aliens from powerpuff girls

So far, Lamar Jackson is getting mauled worse by Cougars than John Marston.

shade from the TaxSlayer Bowl

#NotMyHeisman

More like Lamar Sackson amiright?

Man, no wonder Petrino messed around with that 25-year old. He clearly has no idea how to handle cougars.