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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 10

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Includes more than the doctor recommended levels of daily salt intake.

NCAA Football: Alabama at Louisiana State John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

Hello friends an welcome to the last ever Meltdown Thread. I’m so sorry but according to the internet after the next president is decided we’re all going to die from nuclear bombing demons trained by ISIS backed by Russian Chinese UFOs.

Don’t blame me, I wrote in Nick Saban for president; this country could use a good Process. Earth was fun while it lasted and I look forward to seeing what college football is like in heaven when we all get wings, maybe there will be a quadruple option.

Anywho, whether or not we all perish or get drafted into World War III we have a bounty of butt hurt to enjoy!

Texas A&M found themselves ranked ahead of undefeated Washington in the initial Playoff Committee Rankings and felt awful bad about it. Their southern hospitality led them to lose to Mississippi State, noted bad team.

Baylor tried to blackout their biggest rival TCU resulting in scores of fans donning #CAB shirts, hats, and flags pleading for the rehiring of Coach Art Briles believing that “#TruthDontLie.” The same coach who was fired for not reporting sexual assault allegations. TCU believed this was unacceptable and beat them by 40 points in Waco. Good frogs.

Florida looked to march on unharmed towards an SEC East title but a big helping of NovemBert made those Gators into a lovely pair of boots.

LSU hosted the Crimson Tide in Death Valley and held the tide scoreless for 3 quarters. Bama held the Tigers scoreless for 4 quarters.

The language from this point on is as bad as the supporters of whichever candidate loses tonight. Continue at your own peril.

BATTERED AGGIE SADNESS

Swag doesn’t cut it. Winning record or not, being the cool coach doesn't win SEC championships and sure as hell doesn't win National Championships. Not getting a good ROI for $5 million/year.

If Sumlin can’t get to 10 wins he should be fired on the spot.

**** FS1 hated always having to watch us play on that horrible ass channel, and **** tu

How do you thank the committee for ranking you 4th? Come out and lay an egg against a 2 win team

Ref giving an emphatic fist pump after the 2nd MSU TD

We've improved from collapsing in October to November.

Either suck it up and take it or don't listen. We deserve all the hate we get. Sumlin brought his team out for the 3rd straight year and **** the bed immediately after expectations of a great year emerged.

Hubenak at least could hit a receiver. Knight couldn't hit a barn if he was inside it

God damn Trevor is fucking terrible

Well after we lose to Ole miss and lsu,

We are sure to get an invite to the Scrubbing Bubble Toilet Bowl in Detroit!

We're the laughing stock of college football right now. Rightfully so. Even when we get ranked in top 4 we manage to screw it up and are laughed at. So much for that magical season. Hope we win more than just one more game.

HOW THE FUCK IS THST ROUGHING THE FUCKING PASSER?

Send Hubenak out there and tell him to just keep pegging the refs in the nuts with the ball

TAMU - 7

Miss St - 14

Refs - 21

THE OFFICIALS JUST LITERALLY HAD TO STOP THE PLAY TO REVIEW WHAT DOWN IT WAS WTF

Walmart sells better tackles in the fishing section than our defense produces.

dicks out for Hubenak

I don't know how to feel. Think I'll go the LSU route and just cut my fucking dick off right now.

Ag WRs couldn't catch an STD in Lubbock.

I want to kidney punch mazzone right now

My 8 month old daughter could have kicked that damn field goal

Baylor about to be#1 in Texas, think on that.

Hire Les

Sumlin in plain worthless. Just need to lose out and fire him. Only way to justify this abortion of a game.

I'm going to go buy a couple of cow bells and tie them around my dogs' necks so I can keep this going all day.

Mullen will stay at MSU for another 3 years with this win. God I wish we had him.

Katy perry doesn't even chase Knight anymore.

BEAR BACK BEATING

We wore black because it's our funeral

Fuck these people.

So our coordinators and coaches can coordinate tweets in supporting a former head coach who covered up sexual assaults but they can't coordinate a game against a rival. If they wanted to make a statement, make a statement on the field not on Twitter.

Also I'm even more disgusted of the fans wearing CAB shirts at the game. Anyone who wore those shirts should feel ashamed for themselves.

This is just cruel :(

This is what happens when the players and coaches are more worried about the old coach than our biggest rival.

Holy shit, all the people wearing #CAB during the B roll intro footage. Perfect closeups of the bandana, bracelets, shirts, stickers…

...um, did anyone else just see the "Have you been wrongly accused of a sex crime?" commercial during the TCU-Baylor half time? You can't say that they don't know their target audience.

Update: currently sitting in Baylor's student union building surrounded by posters telling me not to rape anyone. Freshman in their yellow jerseys just walked by crying. Michigan/Maryland game is on TV instead. :'(

Review length: 1 full play of "Don't Stop Believing"

TCU fans watching this game when they bring up the 61-58 game.

Let me preface this by saying that I fucking love college football.

I hope this is the kick in the ass that campus/students/alumni/administration needs in order to stop glorifying Baylor football. Valuing athletic success over student safety caused this whole awful situation. I hope we lose until administration is cleaned out and the people responsible are fired.

Football, as much as I enjoy it, is just a game. What transpired at Baylor is not.

Can we please fire Kendall Briles already. His play calling has been terrible all year.

Please give us the death penalty.

So....how about that extra hour of sleep we get tonight?

I know Baylor has done a lot of bad things, but at least they haven't played Nickelback over the PA

Kendall's play calling has been absolute horseshit lately.

Waco normally needs the help of the FBI to burn the whole thing down…

Is this a football game or a Journey concert?

Apparently CAB meant catch a beating.

This coach is going to kill someone

Refs still reviewing calls from the Baylor-Texas game.

We're just getting a preview of the next decade of Baylor football.

SEC (L)EAST

Gators employing their patented pick 6 offense because it’s all we’ve got.

Just asked my Gator fan buddy who was in the military how he ever thought Del Rio was the answer at QB:

"It's like when you're overseas on duty and don't see a woman for weeks or months on end. At that point anything that resembles even the shape of woman is enough to pitch a tent. That's how I was with Del Rio after watching the Treon era."

How do you throw a flag for pass interference before the pass is even made?

Sweet baby Jesus, we have a SEC game on CBS without Verne & Gary?! Did Christmas come early?

Did Luke Del Rio just throw a checkdown on a hail mary attempt? Are you kidding? He has no good stats to protect, what the absolute fuck are you doing???

Hogs give up 500 yards on the ground their previous game? Better start with a pass.

You guys 'member Tebow?

Yeah let's keep cutting and zooming in on an injured player crying. Fuck off cbs.

Someone call Waste Management to come get Del Rio off the field

We needs to punt here and get their offense back out there

It just gets to the point where you can't help but be mad

What's the excuse for the offense of a top 25 program having an offense ranked in the bottom 25 continuously

Amazing punt again and I guess he's also the only one that could make the tackle.

This is like an alligator holocaust with all these injuries. The species might go extinct today.

NO SERIOUSLY WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS

With those 2 INT, LDR is now 8 TD and 8 INT

McElwain looks like he could get you a real good deal on a 1998 Isuzu Amigo no money down no credit check and he'll even throw in a spare tire.

that's what happens when you don't call the play dead. Have 6 people crush you when you're helpless

don't worry guys, we got this!

TAKE THE FUCKING KNEE

Our offense in a nutshell

our team is SO FUCKING BAD,

HOW FUCKING BAD?

OUR PUNTER MADE THE TACKLE BAD

Kentucky vs Alabama should be a great SEC championship game

McElwain to self: "Maybe if I aggressively smack my gum with my mouth open I'll look more like a Coach than a used car dealer"

Dead Gator found in Fayetteville Arkansas. Time of death: late afternoon November 5th. Cause of death: sat upon to death by the endangered animal known affectionately as Novembert.

10-EAUX

Big 12 fans watching this must be like aliens watching humans interact

"Why doesn't the offense just score on the defense instead of punting?"

Honestly. If Coach O actually answered a reporter with "Yaw Yaw Yaw Football" would we even notice?

Coach Orgeron walks into locker room

Walks to his personal bathroom stall

man in mask appears, puts him in headlock

Man takes off mask

It's Les Miles

"I know how to win these" as he chokes Orgeron out

Les walks out with authority, the players stay quiet, they do not question him

Let's go win this thing

Stunned, the players walk out

LSU wins 9-6

I'm still confused on how 1 personal foul offsets 3 personal fouls but hey I'm an idiot

I'm gonna play NCAA after this and just run the score up on Bama

At this point, I just want Gary gone.

How the in the flying fuck do we never recruit a decent QB? Holy shit, Etling has looked absolutely terrified all game. He loses his shit as soon as one defensive lineman breaks through. I've seen no composure from him at all. It's been hidden because we haven't yet played a team like this and now it's getting exposed. Badly. He looks defeated out there and it sucks to watch. It also doesn't help to see us shoot ourselves in the foot a thousand damn times, knowing they were going to find a groove sooner or later.

I swear Nick Saban is the only coach that looks into the camera during these interviews... it's so uncomfortable. I guess its all part of the process.

Bama may have more championships than us but that just means more trophies they have to keep clean. So who's the real winner?

THIS IS ALL LES’ FAULT!!!!! All anyone cares about is getting the 4 and 5 star recruits, BUT Miles has screwed us over at the QB position over the years. How is it that Gumpabama could stick someone off the street in at QB and win the NC, yet our revolving door that is the LSU QB situation is a liability at best?

Maybe we can build our OL and our QB situations where they need to be, because until we do it won't matter who the HC or OC is, lots of folks will continue to head for the exits at halftime.

My expert analysis: LSU didn't win because they scored 0 points.

CFB is so fun when you pretend Alabama doesn't exist. They are like the Yankees if the Yankees won more. Fuck that's depressing.

[Darth Kiffin steps out of his shuttle on the Death Star.]

Moff Jalen: Lord Kiffin. This is an unexpected pleasure. We are honored by your presence.

Darth Kiffin: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Quarterback. I am here to put you back on schedule.

Jalen: I assure you, Lord Kiffin, my men are working as fast they can.

Kiffin: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.

Jalen: I tell you that this team will be operational as planned.

Kiffin: The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.

Jalen: But he asks the impossible! I need more men!

Kiffin: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.

Jalen: [alarmed] The Emperor's coming here?

Kiffin: That is correct, Quarterback, and he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.

Jalen: We shall double our efforts.

Kiffin: I hope so, Quarterback, for your sake. The Emperor Saban is not as forgiving as I am.

Somewhere, out there in the night, Les is eating grass

On the other hand... hide your women Louisiana... Joey Freshwater is on the prowl tonight ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

http://i.imgur.com/emPYBOY.png

It's 2016, grass is green, water is wet, and The Germans fighting in Stalingrad had a better offense than LSU did tonight

Jalen "The Truth" Hurts

If LSU can get a QB, they'll be terrifying next year. Repeat every year til the heat death of the universe.

Me watching this game

Not even the extra hour of daylight can brighten the sorrows in Death Valley tonight.

Man fuck this. I'm a diehard LSU fan through and through. But this whole "Alabama is going to look like this for the next 10 or so years" irks me beyond belief and I feel like a bunch of other teams OUT OF OUR CONFERENCE can feel the same. It's just not as much fun anymore.

There are kids in kindergarten who weren't alive last time LSU beat Bama....

Mike VI died for this