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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 4

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Now with extra protein!

Texas A&M v LSU Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images

Welcome back lovers of futility! It’s time for a juicy installment of online rage consumption. For this week, we didn’t even have to leave the conference to fill our bellies with football foulmouthery.

Let’s begin in the Ville of Knox where the gators trotted in with an 11 game win streak against the Vols. Florida watched that streak and a 21 point halftime lead vanish providing some very real Alligator tears.

Fresh off a beatdown by Bama, the Rebels annihilated those poor Georgia Bulldogs in Oxford. Over in Texas the Aggies laid down a similar tail whooping on the Razorbacks. Our sad train finishes in Auburn where Les Miles lost, then won, then ultimately lost his final game as LSU’s head coach.

Language used below is vile and we do not encourage you teach it to your small children. Viewer discretion is advised.

CHOMP CHOMP

My wife just said "What's happening? Isn't Tennessee better than Florida?"

We had a good run, but I'm taking applications for a new wife starting Monday.

Hey Gator fans, isn't it nice to be on the 20 and think "field goal range?"

Tennessee wearing pavement gray and detour-sign orange...looks like a damn highway construction zone Out there.

The last time Tennessee beat Florida my guinea pig was still alive #RIPScooter

If Tennessee get a safety, I might have to commit sudoku.

Josh Dobbs headshot looking like the rejected spartan from 300

me irl

Well. We're bad. We hoped we wouldn't be bad, but we're bad. Fuck it. I'm getting hammered.

Mcelwain just said he's trying to "get some explosives"? Lmao

Did you know Josh Dobbs is an aerospace engineer?

Hi, I'm 1st half Gator offense and I have DirecTV.

Hi, I'm 2nd half Gator offense and I prefer the radio.

It's nearly 2AM and I'm eating peanut butter straight out of the jar.

The worst effen part is I am going to the beach tomorrow and both me and my dog will be in T garb. Dang bets"........

Verne & Gary flashbacks are worse than real time.

I'm getting so hammered I'll wake up tomorrow looking forward to this game.

Instead of water boarding, the CIA should just play tapes of Verne and Gary trying to talk their way through a call on the field until the person cracks

It's hard to understand these announcers when their mouths are full of Tennessee's nuts.

Might have spoken too soon about the whole having an offense thing.

How do we get a guy disqualified for "punching" every god damn week, and when reviewed, it's never a fucking punch? Fuck.

FLORIDA HAS GONE FULL CHERNOBYL

Things I didn't know I needed in life: Verne and Gary political commentary

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A DUCK PULL A TRUCK MOTHERFUCKER?

I wonder if Gary and Verne would be better if they just did dramatic readings of erotic fan fiction.

This isn't soccer Vols, hope that guy gets Powell's suspension for the first half next week.

Time to go full Florida man and try bath salts because this game makes me want to eat some fucking face.

U-G-A-WHY?

If anyone wants to watch something more interesting, TNT is currently playing The Phantom Menace, with commercials.

Opens the whiskey

Quality content, ESPN. I needed to know that sorority girls in Oxford plan their outfits six months in advance.

Is it safe to do three jagerbombs in 3 minutes? Asking for a friend.

We're 3-0, Ole Miss is 1-2. And Ole Miss is favored.... And it is entirely warranted.

What a football looks like to me

What a football looks like to a UGA reciever

Chubb busts off a great run to the outside

Chaney: Okay. Let's pass it, gut it with Michel, and pass it into double coverage.

Let him throw 25 picks, just please don't put Lambert in

10This is your daily "Fuck Mark Richt for leaving us with an O-Line in name only and fuck you if you're a Richt apologist" reminder.

MRW our QB is wildly inaccurate and can only throw at light speed.

MRW I also realize we have no one to throw to.

Man...it's sad when a sack and a pick causes me to scratch my balls instead of even Crack a smile

Ole Miss is good at blowing 21 point leads, but can they blow a 31 point lead? Tune in next time for Ole Miss vs. Georgia, Half II: Easton's Revenge

Richt would've been fired this year anyways with this team and Shotty on the staff. You guys are delusional.

And let that be a lesson to you: Nobody scores more than 45 unanswered points on UGA.

Fire all of our kickers into the sun

I'm just a drinking fan with a Georgia problem.

Smart move by Ole Miss there--keep the score under 21 points before the half to ensure they still have a chance.

Start massaging hand in anticipation of the cramps I will have from gripping the bourbon bottle.....

20THIS IS WHY WE NEED SCHOLARSHIP KICKERS GODDAMN

1st half casualties:

2 beers

6 Blow-Pops of sub-optimal flavor

Self-esteem

At this point I can only hope ncaa sanctions take effect at halftime for Ole miss

4Star UGA Wide Receiver Prospect

Bourbon bottle starts singing Simon & Garfunkel. I begin to weep.

Kirby Smart looks like the Dr Pepper guy.

Chad Kelly is the new Michael Vick because he’s beating the shit out of the dogs.

BERT BADNESS

A&M is stuffing the run and relying on a ground game while Arkansas is getting a steady diet of deep passes.

WHAT YEAR IS IT!?

I'm sexually conflicted about this ref.

OH MY GOD! SEE HOW CRAZY THAT SHIT WAS?

WE WERE ABLE TO RUN AND PASS WITHOUT LETTING A&M RUN 9 MAN FRONTS WHENEVER THEY WANT BECAUSE WE SPREAD THEM OUT.

WHAT A FUCKING INSANE CONCEPT, ENOS YOU FUCKTWAT.

"Trevor Knight was riding high. He defeated Alabama as a freshman.

Katy Perry wanted his phone number. He was a Heisman candidate.

Less than a year later he sits, watching a transfer take his job.

What if I told you, he slew the beast as a child?

That he was chosen by the wealthiest heiress in all the land?

That he was the next in line for greatness?

What if I told you, his kingdom crumbled?

That an enemy previously conquered rose up to take his throne from within?

That he was defeated not from an outsider, but by a transplant?

What if I told you he will rise again?

30 for 30 presents: A Knight's Tale"

Written on Aug 24 2015

Watch out Bama. He's baaaaaack.

I'm so mad and drunk. Never has a more "Arkansas" phrase been uttered.

Our chaos magic means nothing against A&M

Ok, rest of SEC West, we've done our yearly part of taking a loss to A&M while beating them up so that the rest of you can ruin their season. Please take advantage, as usual.

Fuck Trevor Knight. Why do a&m qbs hurt me so much??

"It's not about scoring a touchdown. It's about sending a message."

-Dan Enos 2016

Who's already ready for our four OT's?

Dr Pepper dude is the male version of Flo

All Arky fans currently

At least he didn't drop it on purpose.

Did ESPN really just plug our receivers mixtape?

Bama is going to rape our dicks off

Damn Trevor Knight hit that hole as if it were Katy Perry

It's fine guys. Everyone knows this game is going to OT regardless.

Captain America's shield is made out of Austin Allen's bones.

fuck dan enos

austin allen is a tank

penalties kill teams

33x3

Austin Allen: tougher than Bruce Willis in a Die Hard film.

Our red zone offense scores less than me in high school :(

RIP LES

Who's ready for the Tom Herman Bowl?

Pregame interview with Miles, he says the keys to victory is to win in all phases of the game. Leads with special teams as an example.

I'm going to fucking cry.

I JUST WANNA SEE THIS GIRL GET KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK

This game brought to you by kicking... putting the foot back in football.

LSU punter qualifications

Les: "Have you ever kicked a football before?"

Recruit: "No"

Les: "Are you from Australia?"

Recruit: "Yes"

Les: "WELCOME TO LSU"

I'm standing by at "pleasantly inebriated" but ready to engage at "full on shitfaced" if things go badly.

13-12 is the score of a really exciting baseball game

I'm glad the Tigers will win, but I'm also saddened by it too.

Why don't they throw it to Dupre?

Because he drops shit more often than a morning after Taco Bell

DID NO ONE LOOK TO SEE IF THE QB WAS PASSED THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE?

YOU KILLED LES MILES YOU ZEBRAS!!! THE BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS!

Running on 3rd and 13, #JustLesThings

oh god, is this the game where we cut our dicks off?

This is like watching a tortoise on its back race a hare without legs

http://i.imgur.com/hcc0BRq.jpg

i just broke something.

my fucking will to live

"He seld it"

BAHGAWD THAT LADY HAD A FAMILY!

WAIT YOU MEAN WE'RE NOT ON ALABAMA'S LEVEL? REALLY, YOU DON'T SAY

OKAY WE ARE TAKING BETS ON WHICH COACH IS POTENTIALLY FIRED AT HALFTIME GUS IS FAVORED WITH HOME FIELD BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WITH LES

Most embarrassing game since the national championship in 2011.We got beat by a kicker who scored every point.

lol Alabama is gonna stomp us

Les doesn’t eat grass, he eats ass.

I’m at the hospital and the damn nurse won’t switch my IV to bourbon, fuck this place.

Jam a cactus up my dick hole.

Games like this gave Mike Tiger cancer