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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 6

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Come for the schadenfreude, stay for the insightful commentary on the limits of the human psyche.

NCAA Football: Air Force at Michigan Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to the latest edition of “people taking out their repressed rage issues on strangers in message board forums” I’m your host: some dude with an internet connection and too much free time.

While this week might have been a bit lacking in quantity, it more than made up for it in high-end premium melting. No two melters melt the same way. Some are clever and self-deprecating, others yell as many profanities as they can fit in a comment, and others outright refuse to comprehend their team is actually bad. We at Meltdown LLC take pride in bringing you the consumer a variety to include everyone’s favorite melting genre.

On to the slate of misery! The number seven Michigan Wolverines played host to unranked rival Michigan State and B1Gness happened. After 5 turnovers and 7 punts, Big Blue lost 14-10.

Third ranked Oklahoma Sooners invited unranked Iowa State into their lovely home to play a football game. Heisman hopeful Baker Mayfield was out-gained by a combination of a third string QB and a middle linebacker playing QB. There was also something about Baker finding his daddy during the game, I’m not quite sure. Anyway OU lost 38-31.

Florida took on LSU for homecoming a week after the Tigers lost their homecoming game to Troy, y’all remember that don’t you? Early in the first half LSU took a seemingly insurmountable 17-3 lead. Florida wouldn’t go quietly as they surged back scoring touchdowns on back to back drives. After the second touchdown late in the third quarter Eddy Peneiro missed the PAT leaving the score a hilarious 17-16 in favor of LSU. This would be the final score, because of course it would.

The following content has been rated Real Spooky by the author for bad language and extreme misery. Only the truly bravest among you should venture beyond this point.

BIG BLEW IT

I'm first drive Michigan and I have DirecTV

I'm the rest of the game Michigan and I can't understand cave paintings

Twoo weeks to prepare and they lay that fucking egg. Way to raise up up Sparty Harbaugh and coaches.

Harbaugh is 1-2 to Dantonio and will probably be 0-3 to Meyer at the end of the year.

BIG10AFTERBEDTIME

GO BLUE

Please don't kill Aegon. Say hello, high five that mother fucker (aunt fucker?), but don't kill him.

Harbaugh can’t win big games. It’ll be a meme soon enough.

This rivalry doesn't turn around until Dantonio leaves. He owns U-M.

I want blood tonight

Well this is a fucking shitshow. At this point I wouldn't car so much if Harbaugh went to the Colts. After 5 games this is what you have to show us? The offense is anemic. The qb play is akin leprosy. YOU recruited Peters yet we haven't seen him in on meaningful snap?

Fucking clown show.

Honestly Michigan fans have just been so battered in the past decade we have a weird combination of a huge ego and a hair trigger for despair

It's simple. He's not as good as we thought. End of story. He is wacky, he's weird, he goes to Italy, he doesn't win the big games

Every time we punt against sparty my ptsd kicks in and i convulse on the floor for about 5 minutes. Maybe if i’m lucky it’ll kill me.

No one wants MSU in the rain.

Removes the Jim Harbaugh Mask

IT WAS BRADY HOKE THE WHOLE TIME!!

Glad Michigan spent their bye week focusing on turning the ball over.

Harbaugh has to be on the hot seat. Coming off a bye, OL and play calling terrible, QB development nonexistent. Fuck you if you disagree. This is year 3. Shit won’t be better next year with the OL and 2 new starters and a new QB.

Give credit to the lineman for functioning as a meatshield to protect the QB from the lava monster

https://twitter.com/SBNationCFB/status/916828216131751942

Jim, it's wet,the players are dropping balls like crazy, and any catches are by the defense, do you want run it?

"Pass it, they'll never see it coming."

First Half

That was the dumbest 4th quarter I’ve ever seen in my goddamn life.

SOAKING WET WIN YOU SAY??

Michigan has won 3 of the last 25 games against their 2 closest rivals

record scratch

yep, thats me, youre probably wondering how i got here

through 5 games in year 3 at Michigan:

Brady Hoke: 2-2 vs MSU and OSU, 1 BCS bowl win, 24-7 overall record

Jim Harbaugh: 1-4 vs MSU and OSU, 0 BCS/CFP wins, 24-7 overall record

I hope you enjoyed these cherry picked stats

I honestly think it’s time to move on from Harbaugh, he’s had enough time and it just isn’t working. He’s never won a national championship, he hasn’t beaten the Buckeyes, and he just lost to a terrible Michigan State team. Only one top 5 recruiting class in his time here, that’s not ok. Highest paid coach in football needs to perform like it. Let’s fire him and go out and get Pete Carrol or Bill Bellichek. I’m sure we could lure Saban away from Bama, we’ve got more history and obviously a better destination. It’s inexcusable for the greatest program in the history of college football to not be winning national championships at least every other year. Go Blue!

O NO U DIDN’T

apology for poor english

when were you when sooner dies

i was at home baking mayfield when joel lanning ring

"okie is kill"

"yes"

http://i.imgur.com/TKiAJWX.gifv

Oooooooooooklahoma! Where the Cyclones come wrecking up the plains!

Little game Lincoln

Oklahoma enters the pit of misery dilly dilly

I work at the Iowa State athletics department and some dude just donated $25 to the department in memory of Baker Mayfield's Heisman hopes.

http://i.imgur.com/CDgHq2O.gif

EVERYBODY PAYING ATTENTION TO HURRICANE NATE FORGOT ABOUT CYCLONE SEASON

I'll shove a corn cob up my ass if we lose this

(this is my fetish so win win)

Edit: shucked of course, need that ripple effect. hi mom

Edit 2: oh fuck

Edit 3: oooooohhhh actual fuck

edit 4: he fucking got it, what a catch RIP my asshole

It's time for the Mike Stoops "Keep the game close for no good reason" defensive strategy

Don't let this loss distract you from the fact that Oklahoma just lost to Iowa State at home to a walk on QB.

Mike Stoops gets paid $900K a year to be an absoute shit defensive coordinator. Fuck that bullshit.

We are now 2011 OSU but worse because we lost to IOWA FUCKING STATE AT HOJME NOT EVEN IN AIMES AND THEY WERE STARTING A THIRD STRING QUARTERBACK WHAT THE HELL

Baker’s cocky douchebaggary brought this upon us. A pox upon him and his descendents.

I don’t think I’ve got enough antifreeze in my house to chug after this game.

That dude really just yelled who’s your daddy at Baker. This is a new low for us.

It’s ok this may suck but at least Baker’s still gonna win the Heisman.

This is just what this team needed, a kick in the pants to get them turned around. Watch us be like Clemson and Bama now and go win it all after one loss. Trust me this is exactly what we needed.

#Big12AfterBrunch

Iowa State:

Loses to Iowa

Beats Oklahoma

Because football

Mike Stoops defeats his long standing rival the Oklahoma Sooners

Heisman candidate: 306 passing yards.

A 3rd string QB and a middle linebacker: 368 passing yards.

I think that might have been the most deflating loss in my life as an OU fan. Not only did it kill our playoff chances, it killed off our Heisman front runner’s Heisman chances.

Two weeks ago we were laughing about how state lost to TCU at home then our very next game we go and lose to IOWA GODDAMN STATE AT HOME OFF A BYE WEEK WHEN THEY”RE PLAYING A THIRD STRING QUARTERBACK AND A FUCKING LINEBACKER AT QB ARE YOU KIDDING ME LINCOLN??? I THOUGHT YOU’D BE DIFFERENT THAN BOB BUT THIS TEAM IS THE EXACT SAME WHY DO I KEEP GIVING MONEY FOR THIS TEAM TO BE SO SHITTY?!!!! NOW MY KID WANTS TO GO TO OSU AND I CAN’T EVEN GIVE HIM A GOOD REASON WHY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK LINCOLN RILEY FUCK BAKER MAYFIELD AND FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK MIKE STOOPS I’M OUT

WHEN IT MCELWAINES IT MCELPOURS

We're really gonna lose a game on a missed XP

Florida has scored two TDs in a row, break into your Rapture rations

We really can't keep getting away with it.

SEC Power Rankings

Alabama

Georgia

Auburn

4-14. Dog Shit

"Florida is running LSU's offense"

"Fall down for no gain"

Savage.

https://i.imgur.com/fZle9mL.png

Good call by Florida to schedule a cupcake team for homecoming. LSU should take notes

Things Florida does not have: rush defense, a QB who knows how to handle a collapsing pocket, play calling, a coach who'll call out the people who fail.

FIRE MCLWAIN TIRED OF THIS frickING BULL shite...PACK YOUR BAGS MCELWAIN YOU AND YOUR OFFENSE frickING SUCK

I've been telling everyone to be patient that the meat of the schedule is coming. This team very well could pull a full on 2013 with this coaching staff. Start 3-1 and the wheels come off.

That was some of the worst play calling in the 4th quarter I have ever seen.

THIS GAME SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN TONEY AND MALIK DAVIS HANDS IN THE 4th QUARTER.

HOW DOES TONEY NOT HAVE ONE WR SCREEN THIS WEEK AFTER TROY TORCHED LSU WITH IT ALL WEEK!!?!?!

This offensive staff shouldn't be allowed to coach 5th graders.

If there's a surgeon who specializes in dick reattachment operations he's about to make millions off of LSU fans.

It me

Why beat Troy when you can beat Florida instead?

Well, at least we didn't pay LSU $1,000,000 to come ruin homecoming.

Maybe Ed Orgeron thought he got fired last week but retained on an interim basis.

Live look in at the state of florida

Typical Florida game.

We find out something works, and then Nuss completely goes away from it.

Malik got like two touches after scoring back to back.

I'm sick of these fuckers, get rid of the loot.

We’ve finally broke into the top 100 in total offense!!!

Fuck those ingrates who kneel. They took a knee for the Anthem yet stood for God save the Queen. I guess history class wasnt a requirement in their education. Ignorant a-holes

https://imgur.com/gallery/KjTz0

WHAT A RIVALRY!!!

Maybe we can finally fire nuss

Day 3: We are still in the first half. Rations are running low. The people are getting restless

Not sure what’s more harmful to the state of Florida: hurricanes or UF football

Every time LSU runs a Jet Sweep, Florida reacts like its the first one they've ever seen.

Since this game will be a punters duel, I say we just have our punters fight it out like gladiators at midfield for the win.

Del Rio didn’t die for this bullshit

Go fuck another shark, Jim.

"We got a long ways to go"

ONLY BECAUSE OF THE COMMERCIALS YOU ASSHOLES

Tennessee should hire Mac after he gets canned, his teeth are already vol orange.

Jim McElwain always looks likes he's about to get caught for money laundering any second

I am the dumbest goodamn dumbshit alive because I am a Florida football fan. Every year 12-14 times a year I sit down and watch a dogshitting team be shit at football because obviously I really hate myself as much as a person who who ran over the dog of some kid with cancer on the day his parents divorce got finalized. Being a florida fan is honestly so dumb because you know what you’re gonna get and yet we still show up and expect not to have shit smeared across our face. It’s like if someone came up to you and asked “do you want to be stabbed repeatedly in the spine with a dull and rusty spork soaked in ebola juice every saturday in the fall” and you said yes. That’s the florida football fan experience.