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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Rivalry Week (except for the Iron Bowl.)

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Four out of five dermatologists recommend us.

Alabama v Mississippi State Photo by Butch Dill/Getty Images

Rivalry week: the most beautiful time of the year when your team gets to play their most hated rival and you end the day with 365 more to hold the win over the haters heads or suffer agony for a whole year after an already miserable loss. it’s also the time of year where Miami plays Pitt for some reason.

Yes, I know you’re all here just to gawk at ‘Bama fans in their misery of an Iron Bowl loss but it’s not here! Because I’m so thankful for y’all there will be a second meltdown thread comprised entirely of ‘Bama butt-hurt. You’re welcome.

It’s the end of the regular season, which means the end of the weekly meltdowns and that’s a time where we all meltdown wishing football had more to offer us. But, alas, this is all we’ve got, so let’s make the most of it.

If you’ll indulge me I’d like to take a brief moment to be genuine and say some thank yous. First I’d like to thank Erik, our supreme overlord here at Roll ‘Bama Roll, for keeping me on this year even though I missed a large chunk of the season, and for editing this bear every week and for just being an awesome dude. A sincere thank you to everyone who read this silly thing every week and to those of you who commented all year either here or on twitter. Y’all are a joy to interact with. Lastly, I’d like to thank everyone who emailed me suggestions or comments throughout the season, especially that one really mad Clemson fan. Hope you’re doin’ okay buddy.

Well that was weird. I just got possessed by some weird ghost for a paragraph. Oh well. NOW LET’S DO SOME SPORTS! On Thanksgiving day we feasted on turkeys and strange foods we eat no other days and when we were bloated and immobile the Egg Bowl appeared on our televisions.

The first three quarters were barely watchable and only technically defined as football and poor Nick Fitzgerald suffered an injury so bad I won’t even describe it. Get well soon Nick. Those good dogs wouldn’t just sit down and roll over. Mississippi State outscored Ole Miss 22-6 in the final quarter but fell short losing 31-28. That gave the Rebels the 6 wins needed to become bowl eligible were it not for that pesky bowl ban. Oh and also Dan Mullen left Mississippi State to go coach Florida after this horrible loss.

Up North the Apple Cup raged as ‘heavy weights’ Washington and Washington State battled for a basket of apples or something, nobody really knows. The Huskies brought the pain dominating the Cougars 41-14, where Wazzu’s only points came postmortem in the fourth quarter.

On Friday night’s fiasco Texas hosted rival Texas Tech with the hopes of keeping the Red Raiders from bowl eligibility. Tom Herman’s squad went into halftime with a 20-10 lead felt safe against a struggling Tech team. With the help of four turnovers forced by a... not bad? TTU defense the most handsome coach’s squad would outscore the Longhorns 17-3 in the second half. Texas fans were mad.

Lastly, we have the hateful rivalry of Pitt and Miami. Strolling into Pittsburgh undefeated, Miami felt like a lock for an undefeated regular season. ENTER PITT. If anyone knows how to ruin a good team’s day you bet your butt it’s Pitt. In a game that I don’t know how to begin to explain Pitt won 24-14. We don’t know how to explain it other than ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

The language below was written by angry people saying angry things at an angry time. Proceed with anger or something, I don’t know.

MULLEN OVER OTHER POSITIONS

Me: oh man. I hope he's okay. That looked awkward.

Cameraman stays a bit longer

Me: OH FUCK HIS FOOT IS BACKWARDS

"and you can only guess what's going through Nick Fitzgerald's head"

fuck fuck fuck ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Coach Freeze the Unchaste. I thought not. It’s not a story a Rebel would tell you. It’s a SEC legend. Coach Freeze was a head coach of Ole Miss so dirty and so crooked that he could use money to influence recruits to create wins. He had such a knowledge of cheating that he keep the program he cared about from dying. The dark side of recruiting is a pathway to 5 stars that many consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful that the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which of course he did. Fortunately he got caught calling hookers. Ironic, he could help others cheat but not himself

Gotta love the director giving the call to cut to the Miss. St. cheerleader bawling her eyes out to end the broadcast. Ruthless

Everyone go home and hug your quarterbacks a little tighter.

NOT NOW ALEVE.

Did... did he really just imitate a dog taking a piss?

What a horrible, disgusting, revolting football game

10/10 can't wait till next year.

https://imgur.com/6rVwmVr

So what Bowl game is Ole Miss going to now?

So lemme get this straight: Dak can literally poop during the Egg Bowl but DK Metcalf can’t pantomime makin’ a pee? Double standard much?!

"Fitzgerald is going to be out for the rest of this game"

Filing that under "n" for "no fucking shit".

Ole Miss's head coach looks like a cheap Chinese knock-off version of Mike Leach.

What a rough night for Dak.

How much you think Hugh Freeze paid MSU to let Ole Miss players fuck them this hard?

@OleMissFans so are we bringing back isdanmullentiredyet.com or what?

Look, the nicest thing that Dan Mullen ever did was winning exactly 69 games at Mississippi State and leaving it at that

Unlike Dan Mullen, I have returned to Mississippi State just as I said that I planned to do

If Dan Mullen goes to Florida, how long until someone photoshops Dan’s face onto that shark picture?I’m guessing 37 minutes

I witnessed a 180 pound kicker drag down a 300 pound DT on a blocked punt and the next play was an interception over thrown by 10 yards. Egg bowlin so damn hard.

I’m thankful that the end of this shit world is near so I know there are only a few egg bowls left until the sweet release of nuclear holocaust ends this shitty sport forever.

HOW ‘BOUT THEM APPLES?

I’m not mad that we got destroyed by the Huskies, I’m made that we’re going to have to play in the goddamn chicken bowl

Fuck you, fuck me, and fuck everyone.

https://i.imgur.com/dK7obmf.jpg

Came in expecting to be blown out. Was still let down.

I was gonna burn a couch no matter what the result was, fuck you all

Fuskies are so bad. Can't even beat us by 28 points. Lol get real.

Whoever the next WSU quarterback is I hope Leach tries a different tact with him. Yelling at the dude to the point where he sulks around for 3/4 of the game like an abused pet isn't working. Neither does randomly benching him. Also teach the kid to throw the ball away for fucks sake.

UW fans buy loot crates.

UW has a bad basketball team.

Fuck Mike Trout!

Luke has done enough in his 3 Apple Cups to get into the Husky Hall of Fame.

Never change Mike

Falk is the only QB I know with two blindsides

"It just looks miserable to have to live if you're Luke Falk"

apology for poor english

when were u when wsu was kill

i was drinking busch light when ref ring

'1st down gaskin'

'no'

Oh well, didn't feel like going to the PAC-12 championship or the Rose Bowl anyway, too many elitist snobs there. Holiday Bowl here we come!!

Well. Guess its that time of the year again. Just like every day.

There is no God.

At least we can punt boys.

Well it looks like our future with leach is probably 6-9 wins a year with getting ass blasted in the apple cup as long as Peterson is at uw. I will take that and just do my best to refuse to get my hopes up for this game.

I just farted and woke up my sleeping girlfriend. Blamed it on her cat. Most enjoyment I've had since the game started

We'll spot em 34. Got em right where we want em!

UW has never properly apologized for Kenny G.

UW fans think Pete Carroll's decision to throw it on the goal line was smart.

Our QB play in Apple Cups gives me diarrhea.

That first half was a reminder that we'll all die alone and that all our dreams are unattainable.

Wow can't believe there was a blizzard and WSU couldn't make it to Seattle for the game. I guess we will never know what could have happened in Apple Cup 2017

He may not be able to coach an Apple Cup but damnit if Leach doesn’t give good wedding advice. I think it’s because he knows a thing or two about how getting fucked on a big night.

TEX ASS:

and they planted the techtard flag on our field.

i still can't get my head around losing to THIS tech team.

Fuck these guys

Hi I'm Kliff Kingsbury and this is Jackass.

And with that, Tom Herman becomes the first Texas coach to lead his team to a 6-6 record in his first season since…Charlie Strong.

Hard to believe this game is over after kicking off only 3 short years ago.

Helmet to Helmet on the QB? No problem

Horn Down? Penalty.

Horse shit

Tech fans bought Star Wars Battlefront II and enjoyed the loot boxes

Screw y'alls punter

Tech fans throw Young Sheldon watch parties.

Tim Beck shits after he showers

Texas fans don't eat ass

I hate tim beck

I hate Big 12 refs

I hate our offensive line

I hate FOX for making this game 9 hours long

I have the west texas voodoo that Tech always seems to have

Todd Orlando you're cool

Big XII ref: "The ruling on the field was that we fucking suck, 4th down"

did u know UT’s mascot used to be the Onghorn but then they took that L

WIFE: “I do”HUSBAND: “I do”PASTOR: “I now pronounce you man and wife”BIG 12 REFS: “The previous play is under further review”

Kliff Kingsbury has a winning record in Austin, Texas

Fire Tom fucking Herman and hire Kliff pretty boy bcase he can at least win in Austin.

Chris Warren transferring probaly to Tech because Fuck Herman.

Call him Tammy HER-WOman because she’s a little bitch

Sam Ehlinger: "What should I do this play?"

shakes 8 ball

8 ball: "Roll out to the right and throw it away."

shakes again

8 ball: "Throw a game-losing interception."

Tim Beck is an embarrassment to the game of football

If he's not gone, I'm going to riot

Sam Ellinger is not good at making decisions.

Everything we said about Tech fans this week we meant to say about Tim Beck.

If they overturn this I'll stick my dick in my turkey

Texas fans graduate from UT-Arlington and tell people they're a UT grad.

This is the best big twelve championship game in years

DO YO CHAIN HANG LOW?

Death

Taxes

Pitt knocking off top-3 teams

Define Pitt in 2 phrases:

Lose to 1-8 UNC

Beat previously undefeated Miami

VT WILL EXPOSE MIAMI

But it did not come

NOTRE DAME WILL EXPOSE MIAMI

But it did not come.

It was Pitt who exposed the beasts, for there was no warning. No heralding of the slayer of beasts

This was Pitt's last game of the season. They're gonna end up with a shit ton of land.

Pitt might be the worst land pirates you've ever heard of, but you have heard of us.

Note to all ACC schools: DON’T schedule your last game of the 2027 season against Pitt. It will end badly.

Yeah, this thread will go down in history

Pickett's Charge, 1863: Marked the high-water point of the Confederacy

Pickett's Charge, 2017: Marked the high-water point of Miami's championship hopes

This has to be the playcall of the year.

Miami's loss today makes it really hard for them to stay undefeated.

How it feels knocking off the #2 team when you aren't bowl eligible

Pitt’s sole purpose on earth is to shake up the playoff picture

MIAMI HAS BEEN DOWNGRADED TO A TROPICAL STORM DEPRESSION

"But Clemson lost that away game to an unranked team without their starting QB!" - Miami fans

Mark Richt: "Hold my Bible."

Maybe canes need a third down chain or a first down chain

A kicker named Blewitt and now a quarterback named Pickett? Who does the recruiting for Pitt? It's wonderful.

FUN FACT: Pittsburgh has lost more games at Heinz Field than any other FBS team

FOLKS,,, I don't know if Miami is going to be able to (•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) Ketchup to Pitt at Heinz Field

HURRICANES

CHURRIANES

CHAURRINES

CHAURRINS

CHAURRIS

CHAURRS

CHAURS

CHAUS

CHAOS

Obligatory.

Canes fans in Week 12: “Why the hell is Clemson ranked above us!?!?? They have a loss to a sub .500 team and we’re undefeated!”

Before Week 13: “It’s about time the committee respects the fact that we don’t have a loss to a sub .500 team! Take that Clemson!”

Week 13: loses to sub .500 team

MIAMI, WELCOME TO THE PITT OF MISERY!

This is the dumbest meme in the history of the internet

it's the first time someone named pickett successfully charged in the state of pennsylvania

Get Richt

"We on the committee feel like Miami is coming off a road loss against a team who beat the #2 Clemson tigers last year. And for that we have decided to move them up to #1 in the playoff after this impressive quality loss"