clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

NSFW: SPECIAL MELTDOWN: ALABAMA LOSES THE IRON BOWL

New, 66 comments

This definitely didn’t crush my spirit to write. Not even a little bit. STOP IT! YOU’RE CRYING, NOT ME!

Alabama v Auburn
Throwing toilet paper in your own tree because you won is a stupid tradition.
Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Hello. This is probably the meltdown you’ve been looking forward to for a long time. I definitely didn’t cry watching this game, and I for sure didn’t shed tears compiling this online anger. You’re not a lawyer, you can’t prove it.

The Iron Bowl is the most hate-filled rivalry in all of sports and you can’t prove otherwise. It turns perfectly good people into horrifying amalgamations of an internet user’s worst qualities. We must watch this game with others of our ilk so as not to be misunderstood by an outsider.

All the average invested Iron Bowl watcher wants, on either side, is to scream into the void and have no one look at the shrieking mess we become for 7-10 hours once a year (thanks CBS).

I have pulled back the curtain of shame and unmasked the hideousness that is Alabama fandom during and after an Iron Bowl loss. Some have more shame and control than others, but none are safe from this wretched game’s unrelenting grip over our sanity.

Forgive them reader, for they know not what they post online. You have been warned, now go forth into the darkness.

AUBURN IS STILL LAME THOUGH

Pants: off

Beer: cold

Literacy: Ill

Trees: Poisoned

Auburn Neighbor: Shot

Roy: Moore'd

Cousin: Fucked

Fuck: Auburn

Roll: Tide

Alright boys. We got CBS and we got the Iron Bowl.

Drink for every kick six reference.

ARE YOU READY FOR 4 HOURS OF YOUNG SHELDON PREVIEWS?!?!?

The game ended the moment Gary Danielson started calling Hurts "Mr. Clutch"

Please don’t look at me during an iron bowl. I’m at my most dispicable. Just let me scream into the nothingness

DON'T LET THIS DISTRACT YOU FROM THE FACT THE ALABAMA/MINNESOTA GAME IS NOW 3 VS 5 AFTER THE ENTIRE ALABAMA BENCH GOT EJECTED AFTER A FIGHT AND 2 BAMA PLAYERS GOT INJURED

Edit - 1 injured, 1 fouled out

SUCK IT STIDHAM BC HAM IS THE WORST MEAT HAHA TAKE THAT

Alabama vs UCF in the Fiesta Bowl

They call him Kerryon Johnson because his Johnson is so large it needs to be stored under the seat in front of him during takeoffs and landings.

Auburn is bull and deserves eternal damnation

@ me about auburn and I’ll block you for life

lmao wtf was Gary drawing on the screen

I’ll say this if certain teams loose. And the recruiting board has favor on bama, a second game against auburn for the national title. This site will be closed the week before game . We are only gonna drop to 5. It’s about to get crazy

Iron bowl more like stab a piece of iron through my skull lol I hate this

Arkansas pencils Malzahn in as a Maybe

87 yard penalty: being a hoe on every auburn player. 4th down. Boom

Some say there's still drunk girls stuck in the hedges at Auburn to this day.

2017 conference championship game appearances:

Lane Kiffin: 1

Nick Saban: 0

Joey has the last laugh once again.

This is the part of the movie where you think the villain is dead then later in the movie they come back when you least suspect it and steal the last playoff spot

https://i.imgur.com/YPFMGdQ.gifv

GO GRAB THE TURNOVER ITEM THING

Prediction: There won’t be a QB controversy next season Either Tua wins the job in the spring and Hurts likely transfers or Hurts wins the job and Tua transfers. I don’t see Tua riding the pine another year while watching Hurts make costly mistakes. I also don’t see Hurts sticking around to be the backup to the guy that beat him out.

Could a loss actually light a fire under our ass? In prior years it seems the teams played with noticeably more determination and intensity following a loss the rest of the year.

Assume the cards fall our way and we make the playoffs as the #4 seed...

For a month straight all the media talking heads and Alabama haters are going to do is complain non-stop that Alabama didn't deserve to make the playoffs, isn't that good, will get blown out by Oklahoma/Clemson/whoever, etc.

Love how Auburn puts the Gameday set in front of the only building on their campus with any semblance of charm so everyone won't know the rest of the place looks like a closed military base.

It’s nice to not have to worry about getting embarrassed by Oklahoma in the playoffs though. So there’s that.

You just run the ball. That’s all you do. You just run it. You just run it. And then you run it. And afterwards you run it, and then you try running it. Then you run it. You run the ball. You just run the ball. That’s all you do. You run the call. You run the ball. You run the ba

https://i.imgur.com/tF98jcd.jpg

Only Jordan Hare voodoo can fuck unflappable Calvin Ridley and JK Scott. Literally nothing surprises me here.

Starting to wonder if Saban hired Daboll as a personal challenge. Like Michael Phelps trying to swim the English Channel with his feet duct taped together.

Gus sacrificed a fucking puppy for that play call oh my god

https://i.imgur.com/B4V5LxQ.jpg

Me: 2007 Chaos will never be topped.

2017: Watch me

What the fuck

Just had an auburn fan hold the door for me at a gas station

I DONT NEED YOUR FUCKING PITY

“He dips his butt and Damien Harris went for it.”

We seriously have to hire Malzahn as teh offensive coordinateor. We can raise enough money to buy him out and why woudn’t he want to win a bunch of champinships?

Guys, he didn't mean to remove the dudes helmet, he was just trying to take his head off.

Gus: I WANT YOU TO PLAY LIKE YOU'RE CAM NEWTON THIS WEEK!

Auburn QB: k. proceeds to watch SB 50

This is actually a smart move by Bama, locking up their quality loss at the end of the season to impress the committee. Saban is playing 8D backgammon

Do you hear that? Thats the sound of thousands of Auburn shirts being purchased from Alabama Walmarts.

MaYbE tHe PlAyOfF CoMmITeE wIlL tAkE tWo SeC tEaMs

Prediction: whatever the committee ultimately decides, people will be very angry

And now Alabama is pulling for Ohio State. Oh the turntables.

Yall may hate me for this but it’s time to fire Saban. He can’t beat any good auburn teams and that’s the only thing that should matter to a true alabama coach. WHo gives a frick about championships if you can’t consistently beat your beta brother!!! Can’t coacha damn offense and can’t stop some stupid auburn offense with a qb who couldn’t start at bRAPElor. DON”T FR*cking AT ME Y”ALL KNOW I”M RIHGT!!

apology for poor english

when were u when alabama was kill

i was fucking sister when ref ring

'1st down auburn'

'No'

Bama has 100 assistants providing reports at half time that get input to a python script that will output a stupid simple game plan for the halftime adjustments. When daboll pulled it from the dot matrix it read, RTDB

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong Pac-12 Conference ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no Playoffs ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The real winner of the Iron Bowl is Georgia

It’s sunday morning, must’ve blacked out and missed the game. What happened? Oh damn good thing I was blackout.

Want to feel better?

It’s cool that we get a bye next week.

NOw I know how those Roy MOore victims felt because I too have been fucked by a older man who weilds great power in the state of Alabama.

My name is Allie and I’d like to tell you how the new girl at my school ruined my life at tried to kill me. So this new girl Aubrey from Africa, but she’s white somehow, came to our school this year, and since she was really pretty and a total trainwreck and I’m so nice I invited her to sit with our clique the Socially Elegant Countesses but everyone calls us the SEC. Everyone loves us because we’re all so pretty and win contests for it all the time. Anyways one day one of the SEC girls Louisiana tripped Aubs down a flight of stairs. During this fall Aubs tipped over a trashcan onto herself and landed on the floor covered in trash with her shirt pulled up over her head. It was so hilarious and embarrassing and everyone was watching. She got so mad that she blamed Georgia and crazy and started beating her with a baseball bat. I can’t believe she didn’t get kicked out of school. Two weeks after the incident with Georgia Aubrey saw me standing on the sidewalk on the phone waiting for my mom to pick me up and went into this crazy rage. She started screaming “eagle war” or something I don’t know and like pushed me in the street where this huge orange and blue bus with “GUS BUS” written on the front in blood hit me going full speed and broke my neck. Stupid Aubrey won the spring fling queen because the stupid committee is stupid. Who even cares about winning the college football playoff spring fling queen. Everyone knows I’m still prettier.