Football’s Back: Opening weekend schedule, breakdown, and open thread

Rejoice. Today ends the national tragedy of football offseason, and you have a reason to not leave the house after lunch.

• The FCS preseason extravaganza begins with maybe the best game of the day, as the No. 13 UT-Chatt Mocs visit No. 4 Jacksonville State.
• College football’s big boys tease us with several games in the Mountain and PAC 12, including a weird Stanford vs. Rice meeting in what should be a beatdown in Sydney (guess someone needs a punter, eh?)
• BYU faces perennial FCS playoff-bound Portland State. I’m napping for this one.
• The Beavers look to rebound against a solid Rams team that is expected to compete for the Mountain; if nothing else this one wins the Phallus Award of the Day. Sadly, since that game has the prospect of being entertaining, it will be practically unwatchable -- buried on the CBS SN.
• The resurgent USF Bulls travel to the west coast to face the Spartans. This would be a better matchup if it were the Michigan State variety, not the lowly San Jose ones.

Still, any football is better than no football.

Saturday, Aug. 26 — all times are God’s right, proper Central.

Oregon State at Colorado State, CBSSN, 1:30

Portland State at Brigham Young, ESPN, 2:00

Jacksonville State vs. Chattanooga ESPN, 5:30

No. 19 South Florida at San Jose State, CBSSN, 6:30

No. 14 Stanford vs. Rice, ESPN, 9:00

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Chime in below on this, the appetizer weekend. Bon apetit.