It’s finally HERE! It’s GAME WEEK! Time to kickoff the 2017 College Football Season and with it, the snark rides shotgun.

There were a few games this past weekend, but to be honest, they had about as much excitement as the third stringers playing the NFL exhibition games.

OPENING NIGHT JITTERS

Hawaii 38 UMass 35 - How ‘bout them Rainbow Warriors? They traveled across six time zones and got themselves a W on a 7-yard touchdown pass to Metuisela `Unga (great name!) with 48 seconds left. We may have to adopt them.

South Florida 42 San Jose State 22 - The Bulls entered the season ranked number 19/21 and had everyone singing their praises. I suppose USF thought they could just get off the plane and flash their jerseys at everyone and they would win. But it was the Spartans (4-8 last year) who came in guns a-blazing as they jumped to a 16-0 first quarter lead. Charlie Strong must have read his team the riot act because they finally woke up and scored the next 42 points. Much heralded QB Quinton Flowers was rather pedestrian (11-23, 212 yds, 2 TD, 0 INT)

BYU 20 Portland State 6 - Speaking of unmotivated... The Coogs looked pretty awful sleepwalking their way through this win against a FCS team that was 3-8 last season. Next three games for BYU are @LSU, Utah, Wisconsin. Yikes!

Colorado State 58 Oregon State 27 - The Beavers hung around for a couple of quarters (CSU up 24-20) but forgot how to play football in the second half.

Stanford 62 Rice 7 - No surprises here other than the game was played in Sydney, Australia.

Now on to the good stuff...

GAME OF THE WEEK/YEAR

Alabama-Florida State of course.

SECOND BEST GAME OF THE WEEK

Florida-Michigan in Arlington, TX.

MOST CURIOUSLY INTRIGUING GAME OF THE WEEK

Navy at FAU! - Kiffin’s debut in Boca against the triple option!

MOST WELCOMED RETURN FOR A RIVALRY GAME

West Virginia vs Virginia Tech in Landover, MD - These two teams played several times in the 50s and 60s followed by every year from 1973 until 2005. The annual game came to halt when the Hokies joined the ACC.

BEST IN-STATE RIVAL GAME FOR WEEK 1

Colorado State vs Colorado in Denver.

BEST POTENTIAL LOL

Temple at Notre Dame

RUNNER UP POTENTIAL LOL

Appalachian State at Georgia

LET ME HERE YA, JAGS FANS!

South Alabama at Ole Miss

LAMEST WEEK 1 SCHEDULING

Outside of the WVU-Va Tech game, the other nine Big 12 teams face six FCS opponents, plus UTEP, Tulsa, and Maryland.

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING SCHEDULING A ROAD GAME HERE???

How did Rutgers convince Washington to travel 2800+ miles across the country to frickin New Joisy hey yo?!

NEW UNNECESSARY TEAMS JOINING FBS IN 2017

• UAB IS BACK BABY AND BOTH OF THEIR FANS ARE THRILLED! After two seasons on the sidelines, the Blazers are back to show their wares to a 3/4 empty Legion Field.
• Also making the jump are the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers who should be contending for the playoffs by the time the Earth crashes into the sun.

LEAVING FBS IN 2017

It is the final bow for the Idaho Vandals who are smartly moving down to FCS. I wish they’d take a few dozen other schools with them (Georgia State, UMass, Texas State, Charlotte, any team that plays home games in New Mexico just to name a few).

POP QUIZ!

Alright, kids. It’s time to play NAME THAT BIG XII COACH!

Below are the faces of three new B12 coaches. If you can figure out which is which without Googling, you will win the grand prize.* Need a hint? None of them enjoy shaving and all of them are younger than any of Bill Snyder’s underwear.

* Grand prize is being put to the front of the line for a #refund. Chance of winning: 1 in 5,001,335,165.

The B12 now has three head coaches who are 37 years of age or younger, and five who are 42 or younger. Eight of the ten coaches are under age 50. If you combine the ages of the two youngest coaches, they are still younger than 77 year old Bill Snyder. If you add up the ages of the youngest and the FIFTH youngest, they still have two years on Snyder.

REMEMBER GARY ANDERSON?

In 2014, the Wisconsin Badgers wrapped up the Big Ten West crown and punctuated it with an Outback Bowl win over Auburn. Four days later, Anderson made the shocking move of taking the vacant head coaching position at Oregon State. After two seasons in Corvallis, his record stands at 6-18 and 3-15 in the PAC 12.

BAMA STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE

• FSU should be mega-good.
• Colorado State (1-0) is on that level of reaching one of the back-end bowl games.
• Fresno was firckin awful last year (1-11). {For the record, the Bulldogs were coming off seasons of 9-4, 11-2, and 6-8 when this game was agreed upon.} They play something called Incarnate Word this weekend which makes me think of guys in robes carrying Gideon’s Bibles.
• Mercer is FCS. Oh, well. Guess Bama gonna hafta win them all!

ADOPT-A-TEAM

Last year we again picked some good ones. Wyoming (8-6) and Colorado (10-4) both had one of their best seasons in quite a while. But they may have lost their linchpins (Brian Hill and Sefo Liufau respectively).

We jumped on the FCS Jacksonville State (10-2) bandwagon a little late but we always have South Alabama (6-7) for you Mobillionaires.

Who should we adopt this year?

FAU!

I wouldn’t say that we are going to adopt FAU! but we are definitely going to keep an eye on the Owls. There should be some fun stories out of Boca Raton surrounding the polarizing Lane Kiffin. He is already starting to turn his program into the new Last Chance U with the additions of some real shady yet talented characters. Of the Owls 24 signees for 2017, nine are from jucos and one from a post-grad prep school. Many have had issues at previous stops. If East Mississippi CC is Last Chance U, FAU! may be We Really Mean It This Is Your Last Chance U.

Among the Rogue's Gallery:

• QB De'Andre Johnson, formerly of FSU, punched a girl in the face.
• Defensive end Tim Bonner was called "a threat to society" by a dean before leaving Louisville. He had some issue with possession of a gun. Now think about this; he got booted/left Louisville, land of Bobby “Hey Baby Wanna Ride on My Harley” Petrino and Rick “Deuce Bigalow” Pitino. How bad does it have to be to get kicked off a team on that campus?
• ‘Member QB Jonathan Franklin III and how he was going to evolve Auburn’s offense? Yeah, that was a couple of quarterback ago. He has grad-transferred to play wide receiver.
• Former Pitt defensive tackle Jeremiah Taleni was once considered one of the Panthers' top linemen but he was kicked off the team in April for undisclosed “disciplinary reasons”.
• Former Florida State linebacker Kain Daub, 247Sports’ No. 73 overall prospect for the class of 2014, left FSU for ASA College and has now landed in Boca. There have been questions of discipline and work ethics.
• Tight end DeAndre McNeal has transferred in from juco after he was booted from Texas a year ago.
• Former 4-star quarterback Chris Robison had a short career at Oklahoma. An early enrollee in January, it didn’t take him long to get into trouble when he was arrested for public intoxication the night after Oklahoma's spring game. He was then dismissed earlier this month. He is now a part of the Owls.
• Former 4-star WR Jovon Durante who for the longest time looked like he was signing with Alabama out of high school, signed with West Virginia. He was suspended for 2016 Mountaineers spring practice for the dreaded “violating team rules”. He was also ruled academically ineligible for the Cactus Bowl from the 2016 season. As a transfer, he will sit out this season.
• Slot receiver Kamrin Solomon was part of a off-campus fight and had been suspended from FAU! but is now miraculously back on the team. Teammate Kalib Woods was charged with two counts of felony battery for his role in the same altercation and remains suspended. Both players were holdovers from the previous regime.
• And don’t forget the Defensive Coordinator. Lane's brother, Chris Kiffin, has been summoned to be part of Ole Miss' infractions hearing before the NCAA next month.
• If that is not bad enough, rumors broke this week that Kiffin had been in counsel with disgraced and disgraceful former Baylor coach/enabler Art Briles, whose son is employed as the offensive coordinator. Kiffin denies these reports.

SALUTE TO OUR TROOPS

Army, Navy, and Air Force are all went to bowls for the first time since 2010. And it wasn’t this cheap-ass 6-6, 5-7 record B.S. All three service academies had legit teams.

• Air Force (10-3) won their last six games including a win over Boise. They kickoff against VMI - fake military versus real military.
• Army (8-5) - The Black Knights were a bit of a surprise team with upsets of Navy and Temple. They will start the year by pummeling poor little Fordham - the school New Yorkers go if they can’t get into an Ivy League school.
• Navy (9-5) - Winners of the American Athletic, West. They face FAU!

ELIMINATED

All non-Power 5 teams and Ole Miss are ELIMINATED!

THE CONTENDERS

A way WAY WAY too early look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) picture:

• ACC - FSU, Clemson. Some folks want to include Louisville, but c’mon...
• Big Ten - It’s a top heavy conference: Ohio State, Wisconsin, Penn State, Michigan.
• Big 12 - It might come down to Okie and Okie State but don’t count out K-State. Whoever it is, they likely need to run the table or hope for lotsa losses from the other P5 conference teams.
• PAC-12 - Southern Cal is the media darling with Washington and Stanford as outside shots.
• SEC - Alabama is an overwhelming favorite to get in. Other possible second SEC teams include LSU, Florida, UGA and Auburn.
• Indies - Notre Dame would have to go 12-0. Ain’t gonna happen. BYU’s schedule is too difficult.

FINAL FOUR

Most of the flapping gums are congruent in their choices of the final four:

• Alabama
• FSU
• Ohio State
• Southern Cal

Many of the monkeys with laptops are jumping on the Buckeyes bandwagon. Also, there have been many predictions of Bama getting to the final game but losing to an array of teams.

From the ESPN GameDay crew, Desmond Howard picked Georgia, Wisconsin, Miami, Okie State and Stanford to win their conference championships. #PutDownThePipe. He then put Alabama in the playoff but not UGA (?!?!) where the Tide loses to Stanford.

Lee Corso, who looks absolutely sane next to Howard, took Southern Cal over Alabama in the Championship. Florida State and Ohio State were his runner-ups.

Kirk Herbstreit had the same four in the playoff picture and also had Alabama losing the National Championship to Ohio State.

USA Today has ranked anOSU #1 followed by Alabama, FSU, Southern Cal, and Clemson trailing in the fifth spot.

The Orlando Sentinel also picked Urban Meyer’s crew followed by Bama, Okie, FSU and Michigan.

Krazy Kristi's "SHUT UP!" of the Week goes to all the idiots who think the Crimson Tide will lose in the Championship Game. Get OUT! Just GET OUT!

STATS OF THE DAY

• The Texas Longhorns bring back 10 defensive starters. Too bad that defense gave up 31.5 ppg and 448.3 ypg in 2016.
• The Michigan Wolverines have one returning starter coming back on defense and four on offense. Now, we see how Jim Harbaugh’s recruits perform.

RULE CHANGES

• You see that amazingly athletic thing above? Yeah, you can’t do that anymore. Another “Alabama Rule”.
• Players are now required to wear knee pads and pants that cover the knees. Previously, this was only a recommendation. I can’t for the life of me understand why it became a fad in CFB to wear pants that come down above the knees. Ya think you may want to protect that part of the body, fellas?
• The nameplate on the back of the jersey is now part of a "horse-collar tackle".
• The second half will promptly start when the halftime clock reaches 0:00.
• The game clock will start immediately upon spotting the ball after a ball carrier goes out of bounds (outside of the last 2:00 of each half).
• Coaches will now be penalized for coming on the field to argue a call (15 yards, unsportsmanlike conduct). This should be interesting.

LET'S GO BOWLING!

Not counting the FBS Championship Game in Atlanta, there are again 40 bowl games this season. There are two games in New Orleans and THREE in Orlando for some reason. Other destination towns such as Frisco, TX and Albuquerque, NM will host bowl games. And of course our favorite, the Weedwacker Bowl, is back in lovely downtown Shreveport, LA.

HEISMAN HYPE

With the exception of TWO YEARS, the Heisman Trophy voting is basically a hype award. Last year was yet another exhibit of the voters falling in love with someone way too early. That being the case, we'll bring you "Who Will Win" and "Who Should Win".

• Who Will Win - The hype machines have been in overdrive the last couple of months. Some of the names bandied around (in no particular order): Sam Darnold (QB Southern Cal), Baker Mayfield (QB Oklahoma), Jake Browning (QB Washington), Jarrett Stidham (QB Auburn), Derwin James (S FSU), and as defending trophy winner Lamar Jackson (QB Louisville) will get some talk. Dark horses include Mason Rudolph (QB Oklahoma State) and someone from Alabama’s backfield.
• Who Should Win - Clearly, it is too soon to say since we have not seen any real 2017 football. Check back in a few weeks.

These are just the highlights. If you want to know the game time of Rhode Island-Central Michigan, you should probably look elsewhere.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Tulsa at #10 Oklahoma State 6:30/7:30 FS1 - Get your first look at media darling Mason Rudolph, QB for the Cowpokes.

#2 Ohio State at Indiana 7pm/8pm ESPN - zzzzz

FAMU at Arkansas 7pm/8pm SECNetwork - Arky is again making their poor fans travel to that old War Memorial Stadium relic/dump in Little Rock, AR.

New Mexico State at Arizona State 9:30/10:30 PAC12N - It looks like Blake Barnett has been beat out by redshirt junior Manny Wilkins. So sad...

Friday, September 1, 2017

#8 Washington at Rutgers 7pm/8pm FS1 - Is that hangover gone?

Navy at FAU! 7pm/8pm ESPNU - GO NAVY!

Colorado State vs Colorado 7pm/8pm PAC12 (Denver, CO)

Utah State at #9 Wisconsin 8pm/9pm ESPN

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Kent State at #5 Clemson 11am/noon ESPN

Maryland at #23 Texas 11am/noon FS1

Missouri State at Missouri 11am/noon SECN

NC State vs South Carolina 2pm/3pm (Charlotte, NC) ESPN - Time to put the ACC back in their place.

UTEP at #7 Oklahoma 2:30/3:30 FOX

#11 Michigan vs #17 Florida 2:30/3:30 (JerryWorld, Arlington, TX)

Temple at Notre Dame 2:30/3:30 NBC - GO OWLS!

Alabama A&M at UAB 2:30/3:30 Legion Field, Birmingham, AL no TV

Charleston Southern at Mississippi State 3pm/4pm SECN

Western Michigan at #4 Southern Cal 4:15/5:15 PAC12 - Let the Sam Darnold Hype Machine begin!

Appalachian State at #15 Georgia 5:15/6:15 ESPN - be careful, UGA.

DURING COMMERCIALS

Georgia Southern at #12 Auburn 6:30/7:30 SECN - see UGA above.

#16 Louisville at Purdue 6:30/7:30 FOX (Indianapolis, IN) - bold scheduling, Petrino.

South Alabama at Ole Miss 6:30/7:30 ESPNU - Can the JAGS go 2-0 against the Missy schools?

Vanderbilt at Middle Tennessee 7pm/8pm CBSSN - Vandy why are you giving these guys a home game?

BYU at #13 LSU 8:30/9:30 (New Orleans, LA) ESPN - After watching the Coogs last week, LSU should win big.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

#22 West Virginia vs #21 Virginia Tech 6:30/7:30 (Landover, MD) ABC

Texas A&M at UCLA 6:30/7:30 FOX - The loser of this game might see their coach fired. Then again, they might both get fired.

Monday, September 4, 2017

#25 Tennessee vs Georgia Tech 7pm/8pm (Atlanta, GA) ESPN - the other Atlanta game.

#ALABAMA

CHICK-FIL-A KICKOFF, The NEW BRYANT-DENNY EAST (aka Mercedes Benz Stadium), Atlanta, GA

Florida State vs ALABAMA Saturday, September 2, 2017, 7pm/8pm, ABC
Chris Fowler, Kirk Herbstreit with Maria Taylor covering the Seminoles, and Tom Rinaldi covering the Crimson Tide.

Bama is favored by -7.

#RollTide!