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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! The rest of the nation

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In the non-Texas division, we have...

Good news for us: It was a YUGE week for meltdowns. Yesterday, we gave you the entire state of Texas losing its collective marbles after serving up a heapin’ helpin’ of butt. Today, we give you the rest of the nation. Vols and Beeees played an incredibly derpy Monday nighter, and no one was happy. UNLV, fittingly for Vegas, had the largest point spread upset in college football history, as Howard (who had gone 3-19 in its last two seasons as the HBCU Harvard,) won in the desert. The ‘Noles are so mad, y’all. The Tarheels are too. Florida got their butt handed to them.

As usual with these posts, this one is a little long. But there’s so much pain and misery out there on Twitter, Facebook, message boards, game threads, Reddit, and random comments, that I don’t want to deprive you of a single delicious drop (also, I’m kind of a jerk.)

Buckle up. As always, the language would make GG Allin seem like the emcee for Mr. Rogers. Per the norm, the vast depravity and -isms of the college football hoi polloi are on display: they are decidedly not safe for work, nor do we endorse their moral and/or grammatical shortcomings.

Enjoy.

Tennessee 42 Georgia Tech 41 (2OT)

You missed a doozy if you didn’t tune in for the Bees and the Vawls. Georgia Tech had over 700 yards of offense, 535 of it on the ground. Tennessee only had 18 minutes TOP. Yet, Tech lost. A few ill-timed penalties, two terrible late fumbles, some curious coaching and play calls, all capped by a special teams implosion that made FSU look competent, doomed the Nerds. No one was happy with this game, so both sides earn air time.

And, a bonus: Tennessee broke out their version of the turnover/big play trophy — a garbage can. I shit you not.

Vols

Running around holding up a trash can like its the Stanley Cup is an embarrassment not only to the University, but to the legacy of this program. Botch is what he is... A third rate charlatan masquerading as a legit football coach.

Just got a lot to improve on. Like tackling

Anybody who says this was a 'good win' has no idea what they're talking about. 650 yards is inexcusable.

Why do only a handful of guys seem excited to win a football game?

I almost thought about becoming a soccer or hockey fan.

Time for Peyton to take the job!!!

Gonna lose like 7 games this year defense is terrible

This is the cheer of a team praising an opponent for screwing up enough to keep them in the game

Passing game wouldn't be great without the drops. Drops make it nonfunctioning

Recently, Bama fans go through season after season where the only 2 questions that they have is 1) which game will be won by 40 and which by merely 10 and 2) will Ole Miss will have their number yet again? Sure, they win a bunch of games. But, when you really think about it, with the exception of their Ole Miss game, their seasons are now... boring. What is the point of playing a game if you know you will win?

Indiana State, UMass and Southern Miss are the only other games the Vols should be favored in...

So I've been watching TV and listening to radio about the game. And the so called sports anilyst are so hung up on the Tennessee defense and it allowed so many rushing yards . That they have already forgotten about Florida and Texas A&M and their loss especially A&M who gave up 34 points lead to loose . But our defense is the one they call trash , I'm like WTF and Smdh .

If he held on a little bit longer it would have been a hold

It should pain every Tennessee fan to realize that we gave up FIVE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE yards against the run. Not three hundred which would be abysmal. But FIVE HUNDRED and thirty five which is off-the-charts-insanely-stupid for a conference USA team much less a Top 25 SEC team.

If you're someone who goes on and on about how bad the run defense was You also have to admit that was one of the best secondary performances in the history of college football. They gave up 5 completed passes out of 96 defensive plays in a double overtime game

Thinking Pfizer should start making Xanax in Volunteer orange

Need to defend the tun, need %o,b;hhhbbbç.b. bb.b. ...Need to defend the run, need to defend the pass.

Still gotta fire this idiot

Fuck yeah! Let’s do this 11 more times.

Kevin Sumlin and Butch Jones have a job. I do not.

We shit on the whole state of Georgia.

Yellow Jackets

Are Atlanta teams allergic to winning???

I feel sick to my stomach. Haven’t felt that way about a Tech loss in 20 years.

One issue is that our defense does not practice against a first rate offense each week - at least that's my understanding. They practice against a scout team which doesn't have the best players. And while they may practice occasionally against our starting offense, our starting offense is nothing like what they see from our opponents. [Ed. Note: I thought they were smart]

Was the kicker born without feet?

Not sure how we can get 700 total yards of offense and lose but I just witnessed it.

I leave a classy note of support on one of your posts, and he tells me, among other things, that I should kill myself.

Another year, same Ted-Freakin-Roof collapse on defense. How many points does the offense have to score for the team to win? Do we need to average 50 a game?

We should have suited up the girl who kicked the fieldgoal to win a Kia!

FIRE PAUL JOHNSON NOW THIS TRIPLE OPTION NEEDS TO GO..and our defense SUCKS TOO JUST BEING HONEST..

Only GT could fuck up a mayonnaise sandwich

TicktickticktickBOOM. It happens when you have a Defensive coach you don't trust that keeps getting fired from every other job including Tech once before

Should have never tried that first half field goal with the offense moving Out coached by a guy about to get fired. Nice job Roof and PJ

Whole special teams squad sucked - bad kick coverage, bad return game, horrendous FG attempts. Special teams coach should be gone tomorrow. Yeah,same level as FSU .

U just broke my heart

I don't even like football. [poop emoji]

Fuck our kicker. That is all

UNLV 40 Howard 43

The Rebels’ defense imploded against a terrible FCS team. Cam Newton’s little brother, Caylin, did it all for the Bison in a game where Howard had a 1.2% chance of victory. The 45-point underdogs become the beneficiary of the largest upset in CFB history. Former high school head man Tony Sanchez was cavalier about laying the worst egg in history, instead choosing to throw his players under the bus. Fans honestly don’t know which one to be more pissed about.

Trying to stay positive but it's hard when the leader of the football team is too arrogant to admit that he's in over his head and that nothing is his fault every thing about this team when the team fails the head coach never blames himself and always blames someone else or something else. To say that the players need to do some soul-searching I take offense to.

[On the upcoming game in Moscow, ID] Should send them to Moscow, Russia

Good for Idaho: scheduling cupcakes is a sure way to get bowl eligible early!

One of the biggest metropolitian cities in America, located a days drive to 3 other major metropolitan cities, with more money than God, with a gold mine of local high school studs and this is the product?!?

There's a weak fan base because this program has NEVER won. Ever since its inception in 1978, they've had ONE... count it, ONE... season where they had double-digit wins, and that was back in 1984 when Randall Cunningham was the QB, which BTW the NCAA adjusted that record to 0-13-0.’

They were so unfocused they almost ran a play while the cheerleaders were performing down in the South End Zone only because we yelled at the referees did they stop the game

What's the line this week? Can I make $60K with a $100

With a lack of top talent you can't make Chicken Salad with Chicken Shit

Did anyone invite the defense to practice?

Reminder: Howard the Duck kicked UNLV’s ass.

Can we get that blind guy who snaps for USC to be our QB

I sure hope none of the player's read these comment

Florida 17 Michigan 33

That was, as Coach Mac said, “a whooping.” Florida was outclassed by every unit in every phase of the game (except for a talented young secondary.) That secondary would not be enough. Nor would yet another uninspired, terrible game plan from Nuss quell a growing fan rebellion (we tried to warn y’all).

I don't even care about winning anymore. I just want Florida football to be fun again

The thing he was hired to improve, the offense, is actually WORSE than it ever was under Muschamp. How is that even possible? He can’t coach, he’s a below average recruiter considering where he recruits at, and he doesn’t even give an entertaining presser to boot. This man can’t get out of Gainesville fast enough, he’s a plague that won’t go away.

I feel like Mac should take ownership of my hangover.

Florida has questions? Wrong, Florida answered the questions we’ve had for months. Can we perform against teams with a pulse. Offense, defense, special teams, and coaches have grabbed the mic, turned up the volume and declared in a loud, yet wimpy roar, "NO!"

Is the crazy pirate coach from Washington State available?

Tim Tebow riding a unicorn couldn’t have produced a competent offense with that line.

So when do we start playing basketball/gymnastics/softball/baseball?

I mean Tubberville is available and has at least gone undefeated in the SEC

Please give us Chip Kelly

A feared atmosphere means nothing when no defense fears our offense on the field, which is quite offensive.

I’m fully ready to sell my soul. My son is 7 and hasn’t even seen a mediocre UF offense let alone a good one.

OH I GUESS YOU LOVE MEDIOCRITY, WELL I LOVE CHAMPIONSHIPS, AND IF YOU FIND IT UNLIKELY THAT A RANDOM BIG NAME THAT I HAVE LATCHED ON TO IS GOING TO COME HERE THEN YOU JUST HAVE A HARDON FOR TERRIBLE FOOTBALL.

I am sorry if Mac can’t make the necessary changes and see that Nuss sucks

Thought we would've learned from the outcome the last time we got trucked by Michigan 20 months ago Hard to move forward when history keeps repeating itself

When you're trailing late, it's 3rd and 20 and coaches call a screen behind the line, you know what we're in for this season.

How do know if you have a good quarterback if he only throws the ball 9 times.

Close whole program get rid of all of them wait five years and start again

In order to be less predictable, they should put a bunch of plays on the wall and let a monkey or multiple monkeys if they really want to get crazy and let them throw darts and whichever play they hit, that’s what you go with.

I have season tickets for sale 30 yard line. Will take any reasonable offer. Half eaten doughnut , 4 day old pizza even a used condom seem reasonable at this point

I have some flag football plays I can send in that they can use, we’ve led the league in scoring the last 3 years and so I know they work

If you bring in big 10 or as I would call them Yankee coach's you will get Yankee plays. The s e c is no place for them

We just got crushed by a mediocre team. Nothing about Michigan impressed. The only thing to take away from that game was how bad we were.

I'm probably not going to watch another game until Nuss is no longer the OC.

I’ll still pull for the Gators, and hope they win every game, but I cannot watch an "offense" like that ever again.

This isn’t going to happen, but I would be 100% ok if Coach Nuss wasn’t allowed on the plane tonight

Fuckstick. Get your fucking head out of your ass and fire Nuss.

At least FSU lost today... So we don’t have to see all that trash concern trolling this week

The Ron zook days were paradise compared to this shark humper.

If I see another dive play with a 150# RB against a stacked defensive line....I'm going to go ballastic.

1st down: run into the pile for one yard 2nd down: run into the pile for one yard 3rd down: QB runs for his life, gets sacked, loses 8. 4th and 18: great punt by Townsend Repeat over and over until 4 quarters end. Game after game, it all looks the same.

Oh, come on. That’d be 4th and 16

Coach Mac's teams look mighty Zookish.

take Zaire jersey and don't give it back. man couldn't throw a rock into the ocean

Remember Mac could teach his dog to play QB he may want to try that

You players need to call the plays in the huddle, do NOT use what Nuss sends in. Got it?

Did the offensive line miss the plane? Or the playbook? Or all of Spring Training?

FIRE ALL THE COACHES!!! It doesn't make sense to keep a coach on the sidelines for 3yrs with the same expression on his face, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It should've become apparent he has no idea what's going on. STOP HIRING DUMB COACHES.

I seen the coach the other day and I yelled out " Tim Macelwain" he looked at me with those dead fish eye's and said" my name is Jim" I then looked back at him and said " you get our football team right and I'll get your name right." As of now , he's still Tim....

#LetsNotFirePeopleAfterOneGame

#itsbeen29games

Mizzou 72 Missouri State 43

Missouri played the worst half of defensive football I’ve ever seen by an SEC team. And I mean that in all earnestness. The fans noticed. And, they also noticed the opponent lighting them up was an outmanned FCS Missouri State.

This is the worst defense I've ever seen. And I’ve watched my fair share of WAC football.

Clearly Stec is going after our weaknesses... Keeping our D out on the field and forcing us to kick XPs.

Our defense looks as bad as theirs

Except theirs is facing a d1 offense

Nvm theirs is better

Let a nobody Team score 43 points! Stick to combating social injustice

They deserve more boos than they are getting.

When did we go back to the Big 12?

Great defensive stand by the refs there.

LOL, previous Mizzou QBs crying that if they had a defense that porous they woulda threw for 10 TDs in a game.

Wow. Guys they threw a fade on us. That’s something that bigger better opponents do to out muscle inferior opponents. Disappointing that it worked for them.

Stink Floyd

North Carolina 31 Cal 35

As we predicted here in the Saturday Gamethread, Cal and North Carolina got stupid early and stayed terrible. Cal may win 5 games this year. But, thanks to a full-on Brandon Harris’ing, Pac 12 Refs, and a UNC defense with the stopping power of wet Kleenex, one of those victories will be at the expense of the Tarheels.

why didnt you look at Harris' game tape at LSU, which should have been titled 'How Les Miles got fired' because he was never good in a single moment.

cal beat us, so their season record is 1-0, and 4-0 if u count when they beat up our players for no reason

Brandon Harris should never play another down.

Somehow we managed to make a qb who has never thrown a collegiate pass look like John Elway.

Can't fix stupid. 3rd and long and a targeting foul by Dalton. Was he just hungry and wanted to get in the locker room first?

PAC 10 REFS!

I don't think to much of Cal coach for the dirty receiver holds on final possession.

It's apparent Gene Chizniks departure is being felt. Young guys, first game gitters.

UNC FOOTBALL. THE FLOOR IS THE NEW ROOF.

Maybe we need to quit recruiting hoodrats and find players who know right from wrong

"Smart, fast, physical." That cracks me up. Those are 3 adjectives that would never be used to describe Carolina football.

6 years of this idiot is enough!

This team truly sucks.

I don't agree with fedora's tactic of letting the other team score first.

Dual QB works!!!! Just ask Alabama A&M.

We're turning into the jags. Stadium full of gimmicks & a shitty team on the field

Alabama 24 Florida State 7

No PI call in Q2 on BAMA MADE DIF.

With the line we have, we better hope we can find a QB with a suicidal mentality . whoever it is they are going get killed.

I'll make the #dangum special teams and offense do sprints around the whole campus until they puke Bear Bryant would do it

All I wanted was for Alabama to lose once!!!! It's yo much to ask as always

Im just gonna go take an advil pm and try not to remember this shit tomorrow.

Offense is buttcheeks..

Francois must be French for "shitty QB."

It'd be so cool if our offense could try and move the ball without getting picked off or sacked

If ESPN had a problem with an Asian announcer named Robert Lee because of sensitive America, how the Hell are they going to do play by play for FSU'S new QB Blackman?

You guys know how to ruin my fucking day you know that?

Their kicker is almost as terrible as our special teams!

We got lucky Bama didn't score 40. Saban played it safe and ran the ball for the W like usual.

Is that intramural girl star still around?

This is what's known as the Falcon Effect. You can apply this to any situation that involves the COMPLETE COLLAPSE of current events IE: throwing 2 picks back to back and then having a fumble on the following return

Hang in there, FSU fans. We're only down by 2 (in dog years)

Special teams, offense, play calling, they all suck.

REfs gave bama that game

Out coached and out played jimbo is a goofy bitch

Fk Alabama those idiots are on drugs

Daaaamn we got smashed

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 23, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because this game gave me cancer anyway.