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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 5 — White Out, Black Out: Hello, Penn State!

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The internet’s only college football sadness compilation

Penn State v Illinois Photo by Michael Hickey/Getty Images

Welcome back friends! I’m sorry to report that we almost had one of the greatest meltdown weeks of the season if the college football gods of chaos weren’t being such teases. Clemson almost lost to Syracuse again until they didn’t. Michigan almost lost to Northwestern until they didn’t.

The ultimate tease was when Ohio State was so surely going to lose to Penn State... that is until they didn’t. I apologize that college football chaos failed to deliver the greatness it could have, but still we rise and rebound and realize there’s still a lot of sadness to soak in elsewhere.

Penn State once again looked like they were in complete control against Ohio State, only to have the game slip away from them. The pain culminated in a fourth and five play call so horrendous even Kirk Herbstreit trashed James Franklin for calling it.

Texas Tech finally showed some promise coming off a domination of Oklahoma State in Stillwater. The Red Raiders showed their entire butt to the world and were throttled early by West Virginia. Rudely, the Raiders decided to come back and then kill the hopes of their fans on a pick six thrown to the Mountaineers.

BYU traveled up to play the Washington Huskies and just got annihilated by those good dogs. After being ranked for just two weeks, that appears to be over for the Cougars. Stanford went up to Notre Dame and got deforested. Those golden domed Irishmen kept the trees trimmed to arms length all game and then left them in the dust in the fourth quarter.

The language below is filled with foul mouthy swears and also stuff angry BYU fans said. Scroll further at your own risk.

KEEGEN MICHAEL KEY WOULD BE A BETTER PLAY CALLER

Last PSU play: When you accidentally select the wrong play in NCAA.Last PSU play: When you accidentally select the wrong play in NCAA.

A 60 yard fg attempt probably had better odds than that play call.

Imagine calling TWO timeouts to come up with that play

As a Syracuse and Penn State fan I could not imagine a more heartbreaking Saturday

Penn State’s win probability was 96% with 8 minutes to go. someone shoot me

If that timeout duel was a chess match, it was a chess match where Franklin played into a Fool’s mate.

James Franklin needs to be checked for a concussion.

The white noise has been silenced.

James Franklin’s 4th and 5 call is going to distract everyone from the fact that Penn State blew a two-score lead with 8 minutes to go in the 4th quarter.
He’s killing our memes before they happen.

For those keeping track at home, this is back-to-back 1-point losses for Penn State to Ohio State

My balls are penn state blue right now. Why does this team always do this? We get so fucking close and then make some critical mental error that costs us the whole game. The last 4 games we’ve lost have been by a combined 8 points...

slaps roof of 4th down this bad boy is gonna fool em

Always the fuckin’ bridesmaid, and never fucking the bridesmaid

Unpopular opinion: I did not agree with that fourth down playcall.

https://twitter.com/SInow/status/1046241974548910080

Hi, I’m Penn State’s fourth quarter defense, and I have cable.
And I’m James Franklin’s fourth down playcalling, and I have a rotary telephone.

we going from whiteout to blackout tonight real quick

https://i.imgur.com/2YBR4RY.png

There will never be a more perfect picture of me

helmet to helmet = no targeting
helmet to shoulder = targeting
helmet to ass = targeting

At some point we just have to admit that Urban Meyer has a bunch of horcruxes scattered around the Midwest.

If my balls were any bluer they’d be rooting for Michigan right now.

I don’t know what was worse, the fourth down play call or the tackling by PSU down the stretch.

https://imgur.com/NczAm7F

OSU didn’t even take Penn State to OT...so rank App State?

2017 vs 2018 PSU vs OSU win probability charts

First half Penn State defense: ROOOAAAAR
Second Half Penn State defense: Kitty kitty I’m a kitty meow

I may not be able to white out the memory of this game but I’ll be damned if I don’t black it out with the help of my best friend: everclear!

SAD TORTILLA HURLERS

Dough goes in
Interceptions come out
Can’t explain that

Y’all ever gotten blue balls from a football game before?

Hey guys did you know Kliff has a beard? Just letting you know in case you didn’t hear the announcers bring it up a billion times.

”See how Will Grier drank from that water bottle? That’s how an NFL quarterback drinks. Elbows firmly locked, even finger spacing, strong grip. Perfect form.”

Jett Duffey is a double agent paid off by Nash Grier you can’t convince me otherwise.

Well we didn’t allow a 2nd half offensive touchdown against two of the best offenses in the nation - OSU and WVU. So that’s something, I guess.

I really gotta admire the way Tech is dedicated to giving you hope, then being like ‘lol just kidding’, then giving you more hope, taking it away again, and just really continuing like that forever.

I know there’s gonna be a lot of praise for Jett, but I have 0 faith if Bowman can’t go. The dude flat out cannot pass. He was bailed out a lot when he had to and his legs alone can’t carry this offense. We are in trouble if Bowman has to sit for a while.

WVU is spooky bois

We have more to fear, fam

Yeah this is going to be the traditional fuck you for having any semblance of optimism game and it’s really living up to the name

Some idiot took his whole stack of tortillas out way too damn early and got em taken up. Smfh rookies

Why the fuck don’t we have a trophy for the John Denver bowl yet? Somebody needs to get the fuck on it.

What an embarrassment the crowd was on a Nationally televised game. Looked pathetic in the stands in the 4th quarter.

Fuck all the fans who didn’t stay I don’t care if we’re down by 100 just get more beers and yell louder you embarrassments.

Texas Tech is undefeated when our QB doesn’t get hurt :(

I don’t give a shit if every player on our roster is hurt, I don’t want Jett Duffey playing for this goddamn team. Anyone who did what he did should never be allowed on our fucking team.

Kliff Kingsbury remains an absolute fucko: beard or no beard.

Why do we even have a football team? All it does is bring us sadness.

Shave Kliff. Not just the beard; all of him.

Imagine getting married at THIS game. Even I’m not that stupid

Sometimes you wreck em, but sometimes em wreck you :(

This was the absolutely rudest performance by a Texas Tech team in so many years. At first they had the decency to go down 21 nothing so I knew I could stop watching. Then they start to come back, but I’m a smart fan, I know better than to start watching again because I know what’s gonna happen. They keep coming back and I stay strong and they continue to come back. Finally my whole timeline is talking about this game and it’s late and the comeback looks possible. So I turned the game back on, stupidly thinking these fuckos could come back. The FIRST FUCKING SERIES I turn back for Jett goddamm duffus throws a pick six. Tech is the only team that breaks your heart twice during a blowout.

BYU MORE LIKE BYE

BrUtAl HuSkIeS dEsTrOy InNoCeNt CoUgArS

It’s okay BYU they do this to all the cougars :/

RIP ranked BYU.

Press F to pay respects

We’re more of a women’s volleyball school anyway.

BYU fans before this game
BYU fans after the first quarter

What an ugly win by Washington..... Couldn’t even shut them out.

I’m fucking sick of it. I’m sick of going into every thread and seeing countless people telling me to relax because my team “is so spooky”..

There is nothing fucking spooky about a team that can barely even fucking score when they’re fucking ranked 20th in the fucking nation...

There is nothing fucking spooky about a team that is on pace for FEWER wins than they had last season with a FUCKING TY DETMERLESS COACHING STAFF.

There is NOTHING FUCKING SPOOKY ABOUT A TEAM THAT COLLAPSES MORE THAN THE CUSTOMERS OF LIFE ALERT

But I have to go into every FUCKING single thread in this sub about my team and listen to countless people tell me that Jesus doesn’t like my fucking language and THANKS FOR BEING RANKED

No stfu YOU DONT TELL ME HOW TO FEEL. My team hasn’t been relevant since fucking 1984. I’ve heard this rebuilding term thrown around for over a FUCKING decade so don’t even talk to me about trusting some goddamn process Philly fans I’m sick of my team
When I die I want the Cougars to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one more time
AND THERE’S FUCKING CONSTRUCTION EVERYWHERE THIS GODDAMN STATE

Why do we do this every year. We have a fluke win against a good team and then immediately tank.

FUN FACT: The Y on BYU’s helmets stands for the Y in BYU.

New game. I’m taking a drink of water every time a flag is thrown against us.

[Refs] Have Entered The Game

TAKE THAT WASHINGTON. Last score wins. I can’t believe we just won!

Water isn’t cutting it anymore. I’ve moved up to something heavier.
Nesquik, anyone?

We’re up against THIS? We never stood a chance

”Not typical of BYU. They don’t usually hurt themselves.” (referring to presnap penalties) Clearly this guy doesn’t know BYU.

The red zone is lava.

The Jazz game was fun at least

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Texas is back
But not BYU

Damn UW that missed field goal might come back to hurt you!

Can I file a missing persons report even if it’s only been a few hours?
I haven’t seen the BYU Football team turn up

I wouldn’t say we are losing. I say we are continuing a long time fine tradition of choking in the mid season.

BYU barely managed to come in 3rd place in this game.

I swear Jake Browning has the face of Chris Petersen when he stands in the pocket.

I was worried we’d show up to this game without any fire, but this is embarrassing. Terrible play calling, easily preventable penalties ending drives, horrible zone coverage. I’d hope we fix something next half, but I honestly don’t have much faith. And it takes a lot for a Mormon to not have faith.

JIM HARBAUGH LIGHT

Message to fans of both teams: if you don’t get your hopes up you can’t be disappointed.

Notre Dame has now defeated both Jim Harbaugh and Great Value Jim Harbaugh.

SORRY TREES BOOK NEEDED MORE PAPER

We flat out gave up in the last 7 minutes

Stanford’s mascot is a tree
Trees are used to make paper
Paper is used to make books
We got beaten by a god damn book

I guess it’s just one of those nights... powers up NCAA 14, turns game to easy mode

NBC must of got their camera operator from the same place the PAC 12 got their refs

Ian Book to Stanford before the game

CROOKED TILLERY LOCKED EM UP

California is now the Golden Domer State.

Let me just get this started, THROW THE BALL.

There, good luck all.

RIP PAC-12 playoff hopes: 8/2018-9/2018.

we’re in the weird twilight zone where even notre dame’s broken plays go for first downs

The fact that the opposing fans are calling out the refs for NOT calling something against them is peak PAC 12 refs

Was ND just swinging their dick with those timeouts?

David Shaw, that was brutal. Play to win the fucking game, my lord.

Am I overreacting if I think Shaw already hit his high water mark?

Why the hell is Tavita Pritchard our offensive coordinator? That’s the best we have? I’m surprised this doesn’t get more attention

It would have been cool if the offensive line and play calling let KJ throw a pass when we were down 7 in the fourth.

*photosynthesizes sadly*

At least we still have volleyball and soccer, and soccer.

Let’s watch my favorite new movie: the Shank Shaw redemption. It’s where a bunch of angry Stanford fans shank David Shaw and we’re all freed from the prison of watching Shaw coached Stanford football.