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NSFW: It’s Meltdown time! Week 11

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Does not include your daily recommended dosage of vitamin C.

NCAA Football: Auburn at Georgia Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

For the eleventh time this season, it’s meltdown time! Wait that can’t be right, eleven weeks? Good lord this season is just blowing by. It really makes you think about time’s inexorable march forward and how college football fans, or college whatever fans, will be angrily posting on message boards long after we’re all dead.

Anyway let’s talk about sports!

Texas Tech hosted Texas in a back-and-forth battle which led to lots of anxiety and anger for all parties involved. The Red Raiders busted out their beautiful red on red on red uniforms for the first time all season and kept it close all game long. Jett Duffey tied up the game with 1:45 left and the stadium felt like overtime was upcoming. UT felt differently. Sam Ehlinger marched down the field and with 21 seconds left threw a pass that Lil’Jordan Humphrey hauled in on the right sideline and fell into the end zone to recreate the Michael Crabtree catch 10 years after the fact in the exact same spot. Texas won 41-34.

Oklahoma State played Oklahoma in the rivalry known as “Bedlam.” Most years the rivalry comes nothing close to the name implies, but this year featured lots of anger from all involved. Halfway through the third quarter OSU missed an extra point that ended up making a huge difference in the game. With a minute left in the fourth quarter OSU scored a touchdown to make it 47-48 and elected to go for two. They didn’t make it and that would be the final score.

A week after getting their doors blown off by Georgia, Kentucky played Tennessee on the road. Someone forgot to tell Kentucky that football season is still going on as they once again got their doors blown off losing 24-7 to Tennessee. Yes, you read that correctly, Tennessee.

Auburn and Georgia renewed “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry” in a match up that somehow features two ranked teams. The Tigers put up 10 points in the first half and would be shut out in the second in a 27-10 loss to their in-state rivals.

The language below is actually fairly bad this week so if you don’t like words that rhyme with firetruck the following poetry might not be suitable for you.

EM GOT WRECKED

Jett Duffey has a lot of experience trying to force things in where he shouldn’t

Jett Duffey is the worst Texas Tech QB since the mid 90s

Tech went from knocking on the door of 14-0, weird and really bad INT, good defense and bad penalties, then going for it on 4th down deep in their own zone.

Literally handing Texas this game in the first half…

Fuck these fuckos holding onto this since baseball season. Petty ass bitches

Absolutely mind blowing play calling after the 1st drive. What. The. Fuck. Happened.

What the actual hell is jett duffey thinking

Jett Duffey gave it up as easy as that unconscious girl

https://twitter.com/vivathematadors/status/1061461734429483008

Well, that’s why Jett Duffey doesn’t start.

Find someone who gives you love like Duffey gives up the football

“fuck playing them close. We lost the god damn game to the university of Texas when we could have won the mother fucker ... and in the back of your minds, even though we aren’t publicly saying it “oh, but we’ve been injured”. Fuck that. Fuck that.”

Mike Leach (2009)

Those quotes play in the back of my mind every time I read a comment about how close we’re keeping these games or how we could be winning if we had Bowman.

Fuck you, fuck me, fuck everybody.

TEXAS TECH FANS. WHAT DO WE SAY TO THE GODS OF CHAOS?

H-h-hey man could you just let us have this one I mean it’s-it’s been a rough year, you know, and we could really use something to pick us up you know. It’d be real nice to have this one, but if you don’t think we deserve it, well then, aww jeez I don’t know could we at least have some liquor?

Some say Duffey is fumbling to this day.

November 14, 2015 the last time Kliff beat a non-KU big 12 team at home

Ten years after the Crabtree catch and they do it in the exact same spot are you fucking kidding me?

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little longhorn? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Texas Tech University and I have over 300 confirmed pizza deliveries. I am trained in tortilla warfare and I am the top battery thrower in the entire Texas Tech student section. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will give you a bruise on the back of your head the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying I prefer In-and-Out over Whataburger, think again fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Texas Tech students across mostly western Texas and some parts of Dallas and Houston, and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a lead. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and no matter how hard you try I will drink all of your alcohol. Not only am I extensively trained in tortilla based combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Texas Tech student section and I will use it to its full extent to send your miserable ass to Oklahoma, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. Our tortillas will block out the sun. You’re fucking dead kiddo.

Texas fans own time shares in the Tulsa area.

Texas fans remind the waiter that they are Yelpers when they sit down at a restaurant.

Tech fans have a structured settlement and need cash now, but do not call JG Wentworth

Big 12 refs snap their fingers at wait staff in restaurants

Here are the non-Kansas Big 12 games Kliff has ever won at home:

Oct. 12, 2013: 42-35 over Iowa State

Oct. 10, 2015 66-31 over Iowa State

Nov. 14, 2015 59-44 over Kansas State

THAT’S ALL OF THEM!!!

This loss hurts and it hurts bad, but it’s not because of anything that happened on the field. It hurts that game after game I have to look at that despicable rapist Jett Duffey in my team’s colors. Every week he’s still on this team and at this school Kliff Kingsbury and Texas Tech loudly declare “It doesn’t matter if you rape someone if you’re good at football” which was something I hoped my school didn’t believe. But it does, just like every other school. No media outlet talked about how even though Duffey swore she was sober and gave consent that even his buddies who clearly rehearsed their testimonies said in the investigation that the girl was too drunk to walk without assistance from the bathroom to the bedroom. These stupid fan blogs just jack off about how much of a “leader” he is or whatever bullshit thing they want to call him. Hell, even the Red Raider club parades him out front and center because nobody gives a shit that this kid raped a girl. They also don’t care that he was put in jail for a night THIS FUCKING SPRING after he took his suspension to reflect on how lucky he is that he plays football. He’s not even good at it, not that it matters. Last time I checked Texas Tech has six quarterbacks on their roster. Say Alan Boweman and McLane Carter are dead and can never play again, I still don’t want Jett Duffey anywhere near this goddamn team. Colt Garrett, Nick Gerber, and Caleb Griffin didn’t rape anyone as far as I know. Why aren’t they playing? Probably bc they’re not as much as a “leader” as Duffey. I’m over this shit. Fuck this team, fuck Kliff Kingsbury for not having the slightest fortitude to kick a rapist off his team, and fuck Jett Duffey for being able to get away with raping someone with a slap on the wrist. I’m done with this shit.

OH NOKLAHOMA STATE

Don’t forget to hug your made extra points tonight

It’s the fourth quarter, do you know where your kicker is?

I have the bluest balls right now.

Imagine losing because you missed an extra point

I am 24 years old. If I live to be 74, and if by some miracle we win every single game between now and my death, Oklahoma State will still be about 20 games short of Oklahoma in this series. Death, taxes, and losing in Bedlam. I’m sick and damn tired of this.

If you’re a QB and you don’t throw for over 400 yards against Oklahoma State, then you’re fucking terrible.

I could legitimately vomit.. Wait a minute… I just did

being an Oklahoma State fan is like punching yourself in the dick repeatedly, each time hoping it won’t hurt the next time you do it.

Fire Mike Stoops

Amendola lost us 2 games in a row

This game was quite chaotic. Quite wild. Quite noisy.

Almost as if you could call this game . . . . . . . Bedlam

Only a man who’s 40 would go for 2 there

As a Boise State fan, Shoulda run Statue Left.

It’s how you beat OU with a 2pt Conv.

They can’t keep getting away with this

I’m honestly just numb. Just numb. I’m going to go lay down now

If only we had a QB who was 10% better.

The irony of this game is that earlier this year national media outlers were praising Ammendola for having the longest consecutive FG made streak in the country and were calling him one of our greatest weapons.

The thing that pisses me off about this series is that OU doesn’t usually win these games, we lose them. We lost on a missed extra point. WTF.

Fun fact: 95 points is a lot of points to be scored in one game.

Me: streaming the game through YouTube TV

YouTube TV: you might be interested in the Oklahoma State- Oklahoma game.

Pro tip: block everyone in this thread and use the emptiness as a void to scream into.

Lincoln Riley now with as many career Bedlam wins as Mike Gundy. Kill me

Our basketball team blows a 24 point lead to Charlotte now this? I’m gonna go lie out in the street until a semi runs me over and ends this pain.

FOOTBALL SCHOOL BASKETBALL SCHOOL NOT A SPORTS SCHOOL

Kentucky from last Saturday to this Saturday:

”let’s kick georgias ass and make the sec title game then we can dominate basketball and football!”

gets comfortably beat by uga

”okay, well that didn’t happen. but shootyhoops is back baby, we a basketball school! let’s beat duke and prove we are the best team in college basketball!!”

gets obliterated by duke

”alright, that didn’t go to plan, well let’s just whoop whatever irrelevant ass team we play next!”

scrapes past Southern Illnois

”alright, well fuck basketball. but it’s saturday! let’s get back on track!”

comfortably loses to Tennessee

”alright fuck this shit”

The Kentucky football team, sensing that basketball season has begun, rolls over onto its back and prepares to die

The wheels on the bus go round and round and then they fucking fall off and the bus goes off a cliff and explodes no one survives

Georgia: why can’t you be normal?!

Rest of SEC East: SCREAMS

Last week’s headlines: See what happens when you give a coach time to build a program?

Next week’s headlines: UK’s coach fires the entire offensive coaching staff.

How is Snell not dead yet?

Death. Taxes. UK losing to Tennessee when it matters.

Benny Snell Jr should be ranked on his own.

With this, Kentucky will be ranked below UCF in the next CFP rankings.

...Only for Syracuse to jump UCF right into #11.

Kentucky is who we thought they were.

Did anybody legitimately believe we were anything special after that Georgia game? That game should have been a reality shock to anyone that thought UK was anything but who they normally were. The ONLY thing special about this season was that we beat Florida. That’s it. Had we not beaten Florida we would have never gotten ranked and would have probably carried that loss throughout the rest of the season going 5-7 like everyone predicted. There’s a reason that vegas continued to bet against Kentucky even as they played unranked opponents.

Life ain’t fair and the world is mean

We a......baseball school now Bois??(?)

If Eddie Gran survives the season, I’m done with Stoops

I’m the Kentucky offensive line in September, and I have DirecTV.

I’m the Kentucky offensive line in October/November, and I poop standing up.

Welp were looking dumb as ever on offense.

https://i.imgur.com/nI2kS7S.png

Some of this is on Gran and he should be fired for sure but he doesn’t make Terry Wilson run backwards for 20 yards on a guaranteed sack and not throw the ball away.

Wilson and Gran combine to make the most anemic offense you have ever seen.

Sports has been my outlet lately since I’ve been so insanely busy between full time school, full time job, and an internship. I care way, way too much about sports, but that’s only because I don’t have time for any friends or relationships right now. Even with this horrible week, I am oddly comforted, because If I can make it past these past eight days, I can make it though anything. Still yet, I wonder, what I have done to god for me to deserve this. Please forgive me. Please make it stop.

To everyone thinking about going to the game next week: don’t.

Seriously, shit like today’s game is inexcusable. Not developing a single quarterback over your 6 season tenure is inexcusable. Trotting out the same garbage offense and playcalling, week after week, is inexcusable. Regressing in the 2nd half of the schedule, EVERY SEASON, is inexcusable.

Fans need to protest until Stoops agrees to switch up styles on offense. When you go through 3 offensive coordinators in 6 years, there’s something wrong with the head coach. This style of play will never win us the SEC East, let alone get us to the playoff.

Everything is pain and I want to die

Christ just unrank us. Absolutely embarrassing.

https://media.giphy.com/media/94kgop93dv7zO/giphy.gif

It’s nice in these troubled times where we’re still shellshocked from the Duke game and might be facing a Basketball season no one was expecting, that good ole Kentucky Football can warm our hearts like it has for the past fucking 50 years.

We’re wasting the most talented Kentucky team in almost 70 years, and we’re gonna be lucky to end up 9-3 playing in a bowl against some P5 team or some gimmicky team (Hello Georgia Tech), get 20,000+ fans down there, and get blown the fuck out. We have the best RB in Kentucky history and our fucking offensive coordinator sucks even worse than his transition shades do.

Kentucky football is forever cursed. We’re going to suck forever. No matter how good we look, we’re always going to regress back to Kentucky football standards, which is shitting while standing up and scream shouting the National Anthem off key.

Congrats Eddie Gran. Congrats Stoops. You’re gonna have like 15,000 fans in the stadium next week, and when we’re inevitably down to MTSU going into halftime and you hear the boos crying out cause you decided to take a knee and run the clock out going into halftime instead of going for a score, I’ll have the comfort of your halftime comments of “We just gotta get going and get serious and make winning plays” to keep me warm in the freezing cold.

I haven’t seen this much pure utter incompetence and disappointment, and just overall Kentucky football since last week.

I LIKE DRIVIN’ IN MY TRUCK, AUBURN SUCKS

We laugh now, but Malzahn is gonna learn from this game just in time to plan and then play a perfect game vs Alabama and only lose by 37 and sign an extension

I swear Goggles has been kicking for Georgia since 2003.

I remember an Alabama-Auburn game near the end of Gene Chizik’s tenure at Auburn. In Tuscaloosa, the Bama student section was chanting “keep Gene Chizik”.

Typical. Got caught looking ahead to Liberty.

https://puu.sh/BZMu2/249915d2f8.png

Why do you keep running the ball on Auburn?

Cause its easy... and it does a lotta damage...

Auburn hasnt scored a touchdown outside the first quarter in Athens since 2009.

Hey I’m first half Auburn and I have DirectTv

Hey I’m second half Auburn and I have debilitating alcoholism

As a Georgia fan pointed out in the thread Malzahn literally says “they’re probably gonna fire me” during the game. I pray to God Malzahn is right.

7 more years of Gus. Kill me.

I’m setting this shit as my ringtone

Our jerseys are red

But we wanted black

We just beat Auburn

2 times back-to-back

like a famous uga alum once said “sometimes everything is wrong”

tonight is one of those sometimes

Is it unfair criticism to say that Malzahn and Stidham need to care more about losses? Neither ever seems particularly mad or sad after a loss.Get pissed.

There was a time when we thought targeting ruined football, now it’s just all “ohhh you’re dirty, the top of your helmet touched my players body!”

It’s not about if it was “by rule” targeting. It’s about “by rule” making people stupid and the game soft.

Apparently there was an unreviewed obvious fumble in the Alabama game? Wouldn’t know. Frying a turkey. Also, I don’t watch trash.

Gus’s offense is run heavy with a dual threat QB. We have neither, and he has no idea how to compensate for that. Maybe we can get some freshmen going next year, I dunno. This Iron Bowl is going to be painful.

If this is how we typically lost games then I wouldn’t be so against gus. The play calling was much better. We threw on early downs, used the middle of the field some, and we didn’t just run it straight up the middle over and over and over despite it never working. We also got some tempo going which helped. Stidham just missed too many crucial passes which caused drives to constantly stall out. This loss wasn’t on gus being a buffoon, which is really refreshing.

These losses are so demoralizing Not because we have a bad team, but because we lose DESPITE having a solid team. So many pieces. So many world class players. And we squander them. We waste their talent. And that’s honestly unfair to these guys. Doesnt matter how athletic you are if the playcalling is terrible. Doesn’t matter how good your hands are if the coach won’t take out your clearly apathetic QB who’s missing you wide open. Doesnt matter how fast you are when all they do is run you up the middle. Doesnt matter how well you defend if you’re on the field for 45 minutes. Just give our lads a chance.

Obligatory: friendship ended with Auburn football, now horses and hoops are best fren.

Anyone got $32 million to spare a poor tiger fan?

BONUS MELTDOWN:

If you have eight minutes, watch this Billy Bob from Varsity Blues lookalike rant about his South Carolina Gamecocks. He real mad.