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Roll ‘Bama Roll Preseason Haiku Contest! Quarterback hot takes welcome here.



Shitty picture by Erik

It’s that time of year again. Another of our intermittent haiku contests is upon us.

In the past, we’ve chosen topics of some moment and controversy: from Lane Kiffin’s play-calling to the notorious Brandon Chicken incident (seriously, that was hilarious). This year shall be no different. We are tackling the thorny case of Alabama’s quarterback controversy. You have three excellent players vying for two spots on the roster, and the loser of the starting job is almost certain to be plying his talents elsewhere in 6 months.

So, sound off. The rules are as long-standing as they are simple:


  1. Members of any SBN site can compete (so come strong, Alabama fans.) All entries must occur in the comments: No Facebook comments, tweets, emails, texts or hastily scrawled love letters shall be acceptable.
  2. Profanity shall be exceedingly mild, if at all. For instance “damn” is acceptable in the context of the “Run the damn/dang ball, Lane” meme. #RTDBL. Let’s not have an orgy of eff-bombs, okay?
  3. This year’s haiku shall be limited to: Alabama’s passing game, the quarterback competition, particular aspects of quarterback play and the like.
  4. If you see one you like, recommend it and/or comment upon it. Your feedback shall play a part, though not be dispositive, in helping to determine the winner. Humor obviously helps. The entire RBR editorial board will ultimately decide to prevent cries of favoritism and/or ruthless tyranny.
  5. The contest ends on Sunday, August 30th at Noon Central. Winner to be announced later that week.
  6. Per SBN rules, I am require to inform you that 1. there are rules to the contest (what you’re reading now,) and 2. there shall be a prize under $100.00 of value (see below.)
  7. Haiku shall conform to standard 5-syllable, 7-syllable, 5-syllable convention.


The winner of this year’s contest shall receive a Beat The Heat Gump Pack: Two “Built by Bama” coozies, an Alabama water bottle with ice pack, and a lovely Script A Houndstooth visor, perfect for throwing when a certain quarterback overthrows a wide-open Calvin Ridley in the back of the end zone in a national championship game.