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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 2

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Sometimes slow weeks are where all the fun happens

University of Florida Introduces Dan Mullen Photo by Rob Foldy/Getty Images

Week 2: usually the blandest course in the 12 course meal that is the college football season provided several delicious dishes of sadness on which to feast. Every year there’s one week where fans think “oh nothing is going to happen this week everything will be boring and calm.”

Those fans are fools. No sport is filled with more random chaos and stupidity than this glorious one here. Without this randomness and stupidity we’d all be watching a slightly worse version of the NFL, and nobody wants that.

Our first dish is a historic streak-ending loss by Dan Mullen at Florida. After 31 years of beating Kentucky, Dan Mullen took only one try to do what Will Muschamp and Jim McElwain never could accomplished during their tenure.

Elsewhere in the glorious SEC Arkansas let Colorado State score 17 unanswered points in the final quarter to come back and beat the hogs. This is the same Rams team who were waxed by Hawaii and Colorado in their first two games this year.

Kevin Sumlin saw all the disappointment happening in the SEC and decided to join in on the fun. The Wildcats dropped their second consecutive game, this time getting blown out by Houston in H-Town.

The across the state neighbors the Sun Devils bedeviled those Spartans from Michigan State. College football’s most amphibious team sought out a match up in a literal desert then were surprised when the results didn’t go their way.

Be warned: the language below is bad and the people who said it should feel bad.

UF (UNIVERSITY OF FAILURE):

KANSAS WON ON THE ROAD
KENTUCKY BEAT FLORIDA.
WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?

The last time this happened the college football Usenet groups went wild.

The streak died as only a Florida Man could, at age 31 due to poor decision making and repeated attacks by large felines.

**Let this be a lesson to everybody, nobody beats Kentucky 5
10
15
20
25
30
32 times in a row

https://i.imgur.com/zj1ZLVy.jpg

The last time since Kentucky beat Florida:
Mike Reilly was 3 years old
Top Gun was released
Rambo Pt 2 was out
Kansas State was the 80s version of today’s Kansas Jayhawks
The Southwestern Conference Metro, Big 8 and the Big West was still around
Jim Harbaugh was a QB for Michigan
Woody Hayes was still alive
SMU football was dead
Alabama was the Texas of the mid-late 80s
The Rose Bowl was with NBC
The fiesta bowl became a major bowl during this period
Quite a long time tbh.

Don’t worry Gators, we are a basketball school. You can tell by our uniforms.

Hot take: McElwain and Muschamp never lost to Kentucky.

Kentucky Current Streaks vs the SEC East
Tennessee Won 1
Florida Won 1
Missouri Won 3
South Carolina Won 4
Vanderbilt Won 2
Georgia Lost 8
Surprisingly good

Kentucky accidentally scoring a touchdown on the last play of the game is exactly how this streak should’ve ended

a lot of babies were born during the streak and many will be born because of it ending

Florida vs Florida State is gonna be a 9:30 AM kickoff Tuesday Morning on the cooking channel.

Fuck this fucking team goddamnit every fucking year the one thing we can count on is beating goddamn Kentucky. Can’t even get that this year.

KENTUCKY HAS MORE ROAD WINS VS. RANKED TEAMS THAN MICHIGAN SINCE 2007

Mississippi State Fans everywhere right now

Live look at this game

Did y’all know UK hasn’t won in this series since 1986? I heard them mention it earlier in the broadcast and wanted anyone who tuned in late to know too.

Ken-Fucking-Tucky football. Lol.

Every Kentucky fan about halfway through the 3rd quarter knew exactly what was gonna happen. We were up fucking 11 and we all fucking knew that the inevitable would happen, and that we’d lose.

That’s the thing other fans don’t get. We’re not mad, we’re not heartbroken. THIS is Kentucky football, and has been Kentucky football forever.

Seriously. The life of a Kentucky football fan is amazing. There’s not another fanbase out there that puts in so much passion and effort year in and year out while dealing with getting laughed at cause “Lol Kentucky fans don’t care about football, only basketball”, while continuously getting slapped in the face by mistakes we make ourselves and the shit effort and coaching that goes on. Then the next year comes around and we think it’ll be different and that we’re finally on the rise, only to find out the other hand is capable of bitch slapping us as well.

That’s honestly the thing other fans don’t understand about Kentucky football fans. We’re not heartbroken or even mad. Every single one of us at some point in the 3rd quarter knew it was too good to be true and saw the writing on the wall for our loss. We’re Kentucky football. And at the end of the day Kentucky football is exactly what Kentucky football has been forever.

Wait... What the fuck? We Lost? WHAT THE FUCK??!!!

MRW I end a 31 year streak

apology for poor english
when were you when Florida streak dies?
i was sat at home eating KFC when stoops ring
‘streak is kill’
‘yes’

Dan Mullen already breaking records at Florida.

This hurts Florida’s playoff chances

ARKANS ASS:

https://i.imgur.com/9Op97Vb.jpg

At least we didn’t blow the college World Series. Wait.. Damn :/

Have had a shitty day and probably going to have a shitty work week so I’m not surprised my Hogs did all they could do to remind me as long as I’m a fan of them I’m in for a shitty life

when people ask what it’s like being a Hog fan

It’s okay guys. We’re still building.

I want to die.

God I fucking hate being an Arkansas fan. Missed foul ball and now this shit.

Guys I think this hurts our chances of winning

They could make a “Terrible offensive play calling” bingo game for the Hogs.

I see. It’s gonna be one of those 2-10 years. Nice.

Death cannot come soon enough

My favorite thing about this last drive is that it shows Chad isn’t a stubborn dolt like a lot of coaches. We know he wants to go fast and pass the ball a lot, but he saw that the run game was finally working, so he spammed the run. Excellent.

So many times I’ve seen a team get stuck with bad offense because their coach was too stubborn to adjust. Chad is clearly humble enough to know he doesn’t have the guys yet to do things exactly how he wants to.

I had very low expectation coming into this season but Arkansas continues to surprise me!!

Maybe CSU will go undefeated the rest of the year and I won’t feel as bad.
Maybe.
Probably not.

Terrible coaching by Morris.

Too early to get on the Fire Chad Morris bandwagon, but I’ll keep this in mind when I get it rolling next year.

I was told it would be hard to be humble?.....

For a fanbase that has to eat shitty losses like this as often as we do, we’re so, so bad at handling it.

For a fanbase that’s been breaking in a new coach every 3 or 4 years for a while now, we’re very bad at remembering how it goes.

This is normal. I can’t remember a single coach we’ve gotten that didn’t shit the bed in the first few games of the season in their first year. Shit, Petrino had an embarassing loss halfway through the second.

But we’re not known as a batshit crazy fanbase for nothing.

Chad Morris second half adjustments: “All that stuff we were doing to go up 27-9? Let’s do the opposite.”

All 200 people in attendance storming the field somehow makes it hurt worse

Colorado State should thank Michigan for this.

Chad really bout to have a worse season than Bert’s first season at Arkansas.

Eternal mood

I’m like 89% sure Bert poisoned the water supply in Fayetteville with his taint sweat so we’d never escape him. You can escort Bert off of your campus but you can never escort him out of your heart.

ARID ZONA OF SADNESS

Damn, Sumlin is actually willing to die on that “Khalil Tate staying in the pocket and overthrowing receivers” hill

Let them tire themselves out on offense, Sumlin is a genius. Exactly once they score 7-10 touchdowns they’ll be too tired and that’s when we make our move.

My how the mediocre have fallen.

There’s a reason A&M is paying him $10 million to not coach

Good guy Sumlin coaching the Coogs to another victory

Imagine where Sumlin would be if he didn’t have Case Keenum and Johnny Football.

it seems like Sumlin is trying for that one and done at Arizona.

Shoulda hired herm.

Possible Mazzone Career Options:
—veterinarian: he can neuter an offense, how hard can a dog be?
—opposing team’s O Coordinator
—literally anything else but AZ O Coordinator

John McCain didn’t die for this.

By the transitive property, Rice>Arizona

So let me get this straight
You’re Kevin Sumlin, you’ve been the coach that had Johnny Manziel in his program, you get hired to a school with less pressure, plus you have a heisman contending quarterback in Khalil Tate whose basically black Johnny Manziel, and you go “this guy would make a great pocket passer”?

You cant just walk into Texas Dow Employees Credit Union and expect to win.

What time does the game start? Asking for Coach Sumlin.

“Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Ed Oliver?” -ESPN Commentators

“He got me,” Sumlin said of UH over him. “Those f***ing cougars boomed me.” Sumlin added, “They’re so good,” repeating it four times. Sumlin then said he wanted to add UH to the list of programs who he’d like to crawl back to

Is it too late to bring back Rich Rod?

I swear they say that Arizona has a young team every year lol at what point do they get older?

Today on Maury:
In the case of two week old 2018 season, Khalil Tate you are NOT a Heisman candidate

I unironically believe Kevin Sumlin deserves to be fired two games into his tenure (disregarding the buyout obviously). Seeing what Khalil Tate did last season and deciding to not let him run and turn him into a pocket passer is an inexcusable decision. I cant think of a coaching move I’ve ever seen in this sport that rivals it. I quite literally cant summon the words to express how moronic Sumlin is.

So how long does Sumlin last? LMAO.. wouldn’t mind firing him today

It’s hilarious that our entire defense returned this year yet somehow they’re even worse

Sumlin had the fans and the city behind him entering into the season. He didn’t need to win over anybody.

Now, next week, when the Wildcats return to Tucson and play Southern Utah, Arizona Stadium will be a ghost town. Three weeks into an exciting new era, and the good will has evaporated.

I can’t recall such an extreme reversal.

KeViN sUmLiN iS a GrEaT oFfEnSiVe CoAcH

SPARTY NO:

Key to beating Michigan State: play them in a desert where there is very little chance of having a rainy game.

Nick Saban NCAA career winning percentage - .780
Herm Edwards NCAA career winning percentage - 1.000
#firmforherm

Herm Edwards is 2-0 and Kevin Sumlin is 0-2. What.

Herm Edwards has more wins than Chip Kelly and Kevin Sumlin combined

team plays magically well in the rain
lets schedule a game in the fucking desert

The state of Arizona is a testament to mans arrogance. It is 8pm. It is 103.
The fuck is wrong with us?

The ASU student section looks like a live embodiment of the person you knew in high school that smashed 4lokos back when they were scary to drink. I’m proud to call them my people

slaps season

This baby can fit so much AfterDarkTM In it

So Herm has the same amount of wins against MSU as Harbaugh

Is... is Herm Edwards a good college football coach?

The crossbreeding of #Pac12AfterDark and #FirmForHerm is everything I ever could have hoped for and more

”MSU are like the Monstars in Space Jam except instead of absorbing their opponent’s talent they throw it in the trash”

YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME

At this point Michigan State only has a 50% chance of making the playoffs, since either they will or they won’t

Vegas projected ASU to win 4 games… and we were one quarter of them. Go sparty

”Sure it’s 103, but it’s a dry heat, and the sun is down.”
It’s in the 50’s at Michigan State right now...

How the hell did MSU fans get this many tickets

ASU is trying to out MSU MSU, which has never ever worked.

“LEAVE IT ON THE GRASS”
“but coach I dropped my eye contacts and I need the-“
“LEAVE. IT. ON. THE. GRASS”

“What compelled you to call a timeout with 2 seconds to go?”
“It was hot. Next question”

ASU head coach Herman Edwards yelled out, “There you go! There you go.” Quarterback Manny Wilkins gave a look of pleasant surprise. Receiver N’Keal Harry yelled out, “We got an [expletive] squad now.” And before Herm hit the locker room door, ASU mascot great Sparky hugged him and said, “y’all look so firm.”