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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 3

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Home brewed, now with extra tears!

Alabama v Mississippi Photo by Jonathan Bachman/Getty Images

Gather ‘round, it’s the most wonderful time of the week! Time to revel in the misery of others and drink salty sadness to feel superior, as we all know those who read this are. The bounty of sadness this week abounds like that of the first two weeks, but with an added importance.

Let’s start with the sweetest sadness: Auburn. The Tiger Eagle Wars dominated LSU for the entirety of the game in Jordan’s Hair stadium up until they didn’t. The Tigers transfer kicker from Assumption college hit a 42 to beat the other tigers on the last play of the game.

Ole Miss played Bama and did not respect The Tide enough to avoid a brutal murder disguised as a football game. Nebraska has started 0-2 for the first time since Dwight D. Eisenhower was president. Their second loss came at the hands of Troy.

Wisconsin started the week in the number 6 spot in the AP poll and lost to a BYU team that dropped them 12 spots in the poll.

This language below was said by people whose mothers would be disappointed in their filthiness. Proceed now having been warned.

TIGERS EAGLE WAR:

Imagine rooting for a normal program. I might live past 30

Auburn is 0-2 against LSU since Troy beat the Bayou Bengals.

This is the most Auburn loss ever

Coach O has the voice of a deep fried alligator

Tales of Coach Eaux’s death have been greatly exaggerated.

Alexa, play Neck

LSU has a QB AND a kicker, fuck me sideways.

https://twitter.com/DavidHaleESPN/status/1041359271143899137

Is it just me, or does the SEC have the best sad fans after a heartbreaking loss? It’s because it just means more :(

”Y’all do refunds right?” -Gus

Ed Orgeron can make gumbo just by talking to the ingredients

This could hurt Auburn’s chances of being the top Tiger in the SEC West.

Just Breaking: Verne to come out of retirement just to say “Hurr Hurr, one thing is for sure.. the Tigers will win today!!”

I’m sure the target demographic for an Crimson Tide documentary can be found during an LSU-Auburn game.

There’s not enough liquor to get me through this game

Looks like one of the camera guys decided “I’m gonna stick with these sorority girls right here”

Personally, I liked the game better before LSU scored.

I don’t care who this upsets but we have a loser at the helm and an admin thats stuck paying a huge contract due to stupidity. frick jj and gus

Time to pay Gus off and say good riddance. I have $22.21 to get the party started. Please contribute...

why am I so invested in a bunch of 20yo running after a ball

WHY

FUN FACT: The Tigers have won 51 of the 52 meetings between these two teams.

Could we crowdfund Gary’s retirement?

Won’t be home until 5 est so I’m glad it’s on CBS. I’ll only miss some of the first quarter

NSFP (Not Safe For Pussies)
Kam Martin is no better than a #3 RB for Auburn.
Caleb Kim is bad. Really bad. The OL as a whole is still sketchy.
The entire secondary is bad. They look lost in coverage. Too many flags. Daniel Thomas and Jerry Dinson are not SEC caliber starters. OK, not all, I still like Jamel Dean and Javaris Davis. Jury still out on Noah Iggy.
There is no push with the pass rush. They are outstanding at everything else it seems.
The coaching staff is failing Jarrett Stidham.
Alabama takes the fun out of football.
2019 could be bad and get Gus Malzahn fired if he doesn’t get this bus moving in the right direction. Most of the good players from this team will be gone and we don’t have a QB moving forward.
Gus Malzahn is 0-2 against Ed O with both losses coming after leading by double digits. Baby Carlson needs to come around. He has shown flashes but...
Boobie Whitlow and Shaun Shivers are looking good. Both are playmakers.
The offense just isn’t clicking.
NEGATIGERWAREAGLEPLAINSMAN [ON]
At least Auburn isn’t Arkansas, though.

SHARKS OUT OF WATER

Never score first against Alabama. It pisses them off. Don’t score second either, it also pisses them off.

Everyone: Are y’all gonna score less than 50 points a game?
Saban: I’m not doing it! So quit askin!

That wasn’t a game. That was a televised murder. After 1 quarter it was like watching OJ drive around in the white bronco for over 45 more minutes.

Solid come from behind win for bama

My least favorite moment of this entire game was still Jacobs dragging that guy in the end zone and giving him the Landshark sign.

Also the announcer saying something like “with a defense playing as bad as this one, you might want to refrain from giving it a mascot.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I would consider our defense to be subpar.

Friendship ended with ESPN. ESPN News is my new best friend

Let this be a lesson. No one beats Ole Miss 66 to 3 twice in row.

You all laugh until it happens to you

Alabama is everyone’s big brother standing under the rim saying “Go ahead, shoot, I’ll let you, I promise I won’t block this one,” and then they block that shit into the woods.

Ole Miss scores first
Alabama - “You just activated my trap card”

https://twitter.com/RedCupRebellion/status/1041368127207026688

Don’t let this blowout distract you from the facts that Auburn lost despite having a lead with no time left in the game and Arkansas just paid North Texas a million US dollars to lose by 4 touchdowns

Announcer: he hasn’t done it in an SEC stadium (3rd down passing)
Tua: hold my pineapple

FUN FACT: The border shared by Alabama and Mississippi is more than 300 miles long and less than 0.00004 inches wide.

Saban smiling and laughing at the half is never something you want to see

RIP Ole Miss upset hopes 7:05PM-7:07PM

Alabama is my sleeper playoff team

Just cancel the season and give Bama the title already. Everyone else is basically playing for 2nd. Dear lord. While we’re at it, just fast forward to Tua being gone.

If we switch their Hawaiian for our Hawaiian at halftime do you think they’d notice?

https://twitter.com/edsbs/status/1041138921571274752

Ole Miss is called the land shark defense because, like a shark on land, they just flop around on the ground, utterly useless.

NEBR-ASS-KA

Imagine making the biggest head coach hire in years, waiting 8 months for football, and then watching Troy hang 24 on you at home

Troy at App State on Nov. 24 should be on the Big Ten Network with the winner replacing Rutgers.

God can’t believe we just lost to Northern Illinois. Absolutely embarrassing.

Woah sorry just had ‘Nam style flashbacks to last year for some reason. So how much did we beat Troy by guys?

Mood

Look on the bright side: losing to Troy isn’t going to be even close to the most embarassing loss today.

I bet Frost’s UCF team would’ve beat Troy.

0-2 for the 1st time since 1957.

Why do p5 teams schedule Troy again?

I’m a student at the Univeristy of Nebraska-Omaha and last week one of my journalism teachers was upset that the huskers lost to Colorado but was optimistic that the huskers would hang 60 on Troy because in his words, “they are a high school team”. Well look what happened Professor Bowen you stupid fuck.

Guys I don’t think Nebraska is that good this year

It me

In hindsight, hiring a coach named Frost to thaw a freezing program wasn’t the best choice. Frost is the natural enemy of corn.

We should try playing better

Bless all the knees this game.

Everyone was predicting 6-6 at the start of the season and that would be a fucking Biblical miracle at this point

“I’m planning on playing in the B1G Championship.”

“This isn’t going to be a transition year.”

LMAOOOOOOOOOO

Kansas 2-1 Scott Frost 0-2

Nebraska demoted from Big Red to Small Red.

It’s hard to win when the other teams keep getting more points than us.

Last time Nebraska went 0-2, Dwight Eisenhower was president

So... When does this “New Era” start?

More like Cornsuckers AMIRITE *cries*

Bo Pelini wouldn’t lose to Troy at home.

I hear they call the Sun Belt the Fun Belt. But I’m not having any fun.

This is the reason Alabama and Auburn won’t play Troy.

Almost beat Clemson in 2016

Beat LSU in 2017

Looking to beat Nebraska in 2018

Which P5 is Troy playing next year? Oh shit it’s

Can someone describe to me what winning feels like? It’s been so long..

It’s almost as if it takes time to rebuild a program.

We are ass my dudes

Nebraska more like Nebadska am i right

Is he going to throw into double and triple coverage all day?

We DIDnT PlaY A FiRSt GAme ThaTs WhY wE LoST to ColORADo

Nebrasska never left - we just got a facelift for this year.

SAD CHEESE PEOPLE

This game is more disappointing than my son

JT Barrett grew up watching BYU’s QB

i would like to announce that im taking my talents to the fridge for more beer

If BYU scores more points than Wisconsin then Wisconsin will not win

I was going to start doing some drawings for the game, but…

Don’t worry y’all, Sparty lost to BYU and went 3-9

Wisconsin: We have Chryst on our side
BYU: Hold our milk

B1G West got fucking meme’d on today.

This hurts Wisconsin’s chances at an undefeated season.

Sad cheese noises. Not feeling so gouda.

Today’s fuckery index: 2007

Joke’s on you, Iowa. Can’t beat us in a spooky ranked night game if we get ourselves kicked out of the rankings.

Cal > BYU > Wisconsin

Jump on the Cal bandwagon while it’s still cool

What alcohol proof is bleach?

Wisconsin fans summed up right now

*jumping around sadly*

My disappointment is immeasurable and my season is ruined.

Also, we’re gonna lose by 40 to Iowa

It’s entirely possible that Hornibrook doesn’t win the Heisman this year.

Big Ten might be trash. B1G if true

Damn, BYU beats Wisconsin.... That’s white on white crime.

BYU has more road wins over a ranked team in the last hour than Michigan has in the last decade. Next week at Michigan’s practice:
Harbaugh: “We’re all becoming Mormons”

Fuck....

The O-Line is now perma banned from Red Robin.

Wisconsin is really committed to their goal of emulating Nebraska by losing a heartbreaker to BYU.

As a Chicago Bears fan, this has been the worst football week of my life. I quit

Wisconsin with Hornibrook as QB

I’m pretty sure this gets you kicked out of BYU