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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 4

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Stanford v Oregon Photo by Steve Dykes/Getty Images

Sit right down and pull up a chair. Your main course will be served in just a few paragraphs. The chefs this week have provided another absolutely delicious four-course meal of angry fans.

Their ingredients didn’t look all that promising but these chefs who call themselves the “college football chaos gods” are masters at creating beauty out of nothing. These chefs truly are the best in the world at their craft.

Our first dish is a deeply roasted free-range duck from the state of Oregon. The duck was killed by a group of pine trees in an overtime period after simply kneeling could have, and should have, kept them alive. (Oregon lost to Stanford 38-31 in OT after blowing a 24-7 lead).

The second course is a caramelized “Cow Poke” from the plains of Oklahoma, the state. This cow poke is wrapped in tortillas and obliterated with “matador sauce.” This cowpoke hasn’t been topped by that sauce in 10 years, and the last time it was topped by this sauce at home, the current ceo of the sauce company was quarterbacking the sauce pouring. (Texas Tech shutout Oklahoma State in the second half en route to a 41-17 rout, their first win against them in over a decade)

Following that, we have a rare edible cow bell covered by blue wildcat cheese. The blue cat cheese absolutely destroyed those cowbells, a sight nobody really saw coming. (Kentucky dominated Mississippi State 28-7 and are now 4-0 on the season)

This final dish is a deeply crisped Hokie, which I am being told is a turkey or something like that. It was slaughtered in convincing fashion by a group of vicious Monarchs. The rulers from the Old Dominion killed the Hokie and continued beating the bird down long after it was killed to tenderize the meat. (#13 Virginia Tech got the score run up on them by an Old Dominion that was 0-3 in Conference USA)

We hope you enjoy your feast, but we must warn you: some of the dishes yell vile things with potty mouths. On behalf of the Meltdown restaurant, I apologize for their vulgarity and warn those of you who don’t like bad words to select dishes from another menu.

CRISPED DUCK

Quacks in sadness

This game was brought to you by the pylon cam

September 22, 2018, was a historic day. It marks the first time a police escort was ever needed for a football end zone pylon. Unfortunately, the police were bribed, and the young pylon was sold to the place where orange things go to die: Neyland Stadium.

I don’t like football anymore. What the fuck.

Why do I watch this damn sport?

Things are going absolutely wild in Palo Alto tonight, word is three people wearing various shades of red ordered more than one alcoholic beverage at the Old Pro. It’s mathematically likely that at least one of them has heard of Stanford football!

The refs takeaways from this game: The game.

Death, taxes, and Stanford winning in the last minute

Oregon blew the game so hard but damn did they look fine doing it

Sometimes you just have to take a knee.

I wanna fucking die

Friendship ended with Oregon. Now #FirmForHerm is my best friend.

https://i.imgur.com/HSR5j05.jpg

What an all-time chokejob.

The new duck hunt game has really good graphics.

I guess Oregon is Tottenham now

Fairly certain Donald Glover is going to play Bryce Love in the biopic

That fucking fumble will haunt me until I die, and then after that

I deadass took a nap at halftime and wake up to us losing in overtime SMH

This is the worst meltdown I have ever seen. At least the Alamo bowl had a injury to the starting quarterback. That said football is a game of inches and it is a team effort to lose the game. Oregon completely dominated this game offensively and managed to piss the game away through turnovers credit to Stanford’s paasing game for scoring some points that were way easier than they should have been. Oregon’s secondary is complete garbage. Graham is way worse than last year.

Was at work during this game and can’t connect to internet so I ask my girlfriend to send me game updates (she isn’t a fan so she just checked from her phone)...
Probably the worst possible game to ask that.
”It’s 30-7!”
”Oh sorry it’s 24-21 idk how I got that mixed up”
and later
”Only 60 seconds left!!” as in Ducks are about to win
”31-31 end of reg”
I was fuming lol but turns out it wasn’t her fault

”Stanford finally gets a stop on third down.” Yes, we’ll say that’s what happened.

Oregon had 31-7.

Then 24-7.
Then 24-14.
Then 24-21.
Thtn 31-21.
Then 31-28.
Then 31-31.

This is all happtning because a player did not try to not kick the pilon.

This Oregon season is really reinforcing how shit Taggart really is. Edit: maybe not so much.

For those who have never seen Pac-12 officials live:

The memes do not prepare you for reality.

Is it really a duck hunt if the duck pulls the gun on itself?

POKED COW

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY beats Tech 10 times in a row

You’d think a interception in the end zone would fire up the players and make them play with a little more enthusiasm. But nope. Fuck me i guess

I was a junior at OSU the last time we lost to Tech. Now I’m a 31 year old asshole with a dad bod.

https://imgur.com/a/1ONbZrq

Tech shut out a team in a half. What the fuck

Chris Beard comes to Tech and they have an amazing season of basketball.
Kliff Kingsbury grows a beard and they go on a streak of impressive wins.
We need to shave the pretty man.

What is it about the paddle people that attracts the ugliest girls on campus?

https://imgur.com/wy0r4l0

The Big 12 is so weird this year

Last week my Firestick crashed 10 times during the game. This week I replaced it with a Roku Stick, which crashed zero times, giving me uninterrupted viewing of this game.
So in conclusion, I should have saved my $50

The Big XII will be a blood bath

We deserved to lose based on their uniforms alone.

First off I noticed a couple of things in this game.
Our offense is very inept.
Yurcich only plays for the TD. Using long balls
Corndog sucks at the long ball.
All the fat girls cant get into sororities so they joined the paddle people.

We just got shut down by Texas Tech’s defense. TEXAS FUCKING TECH!!

Through and through beat-down. Last week feels like fools gold.

I guess Kliff’s house no longer for sale

The last time Tech won in Stillwater, the original Xbox was 5 days from release...woof.

TECH-XAS IS BACK

Gundy shouldn’t have trimmed the mullet his power is waning

Mike Gundy opens beer cans with a can opener

Texas Tech’s defense only giving up 17 points to Oklahoma State on the road, exactly as I predicted.

We a basketball school now

EDIBLE COW BELL

https://twitter.com/mstatesports/status/1043952233291894784

WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL MOOREHEAD, YOU MANAGE A CLOCK WORSE THAN LES MILES!

https://imgur.com/gallery/gWdGGwP

Are we rivals with Kentucky now?

SEC Shorts this week is gonna be “How to talk to your kids about at 4-0 Kentucky”

Kentucky is gonna end up getting Bama if they keep this up

I hate life

Even with the most talent we have had in years, we are still good ole Mississippi State

This has never been a heated game between players or fans from what I remember. Is there something I’ve missed?

You don’t kenfucky with Kentucky

I don’t know what is worse right now

The officiating or the actual football being played

new conspiracy theory: the SEC really wants the East to look better and told the referees to make it so

The real loss here will be our ability to talk shit to the east.

Kentucky is a football school. Fuck.

Is this the real life?

When Moorhead was announced as our coach, I worried about his lack of experience at the FBS level. It’s a huge jump from Fordham to the SEC. This game showed it. The team was unprepared and undisciplined. The pre-game fight, the pre-snap penalties, and the chippy BS attitude all show a lack of discipline and preparation.

A lot of stories have pointed out how Moorhead and crew are much more laid back and loose than Mullen and crew. I think that’s a bad thing. This is what happens when your team is loose and laid back. We joke about Nick Saban being so intense, but his teams don’t do stupid crap like that. This team was completely unprepared for the talent level and intensity of Kentucky.

https://i.imgur.com/kCmqj6y.png

All of College GameDay picked Mississippi State, never forget.

We want UMBC lol kill me

Our left tackle needs to be left in Lexington

I’m fucking sick of it. I’m sick of going into every thread and seeing countless people telling me to relax because my quarterback “is such a tough QB”..
There is nothing fucking tough about a QB that 1.3 rushes per fucking carry...
There is nothing fucking tough about a quarterback that is on pace for FEWER touchdowns than he had last season with a FUCKING DAN MULLEN COACHED TEAM.
There is NOTHING FUCKING VALUABLE ABOUT A QUARTERBACK THAT COLLAPSES AS SOON AS OSIRUS MITCHELL IS FUCKING COVERED.
But I have to go into every FUCKING single thread in this sub about his tough and listen to countless people tell me to calm down because dude your QB is so tough bra
No stfu YOU DONT TELL ME HOW TO FEEL. My team hasn’t made the FUCKING SEC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME since 1998. I’ve heard this rebuilding term thrown around for a FUCKING decade so don’t even talk to me about trusting some goddamn process BULLDOGS fans I’m sick of my team
When I die I want NICK FITZGERALD to lower me into my grave so he can let me down one more time
AND ITS FUCKING RAINING RIGHT NOW IN THIS GODDAMN TOWN

DEEP ROASTED HOKIE

Old Dominion was ranked behind 51 FCS teams by Sagarin this week

Hot take: Virginia Tech should stop scheduling teams whose mascots are ranks in the peerage system.

First the Dukes of James Madison, now the Monarchs of Old Dominion...

My pride has been taken back behind the woodshed

This might be the worst loss in the history of CFB. 13th ranked vs an 0-3 team established in 2009 with 40 recruits in attendance.

Old Dominion lost 52-10 to Liberty.

Big Ten: Wow we really shit ourselves last week huh

ACC: Hold my beer

By law, the state of Virginia is now an absolute monarchy.

When you can take a knee and win but still run it long to take a double-digit lead

The worst part for VT fans is that they will hear about this game next year, in 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025, 2026, 2027, 2028, 2029, 2030, and 2031.

We should rename the ACC “Clemson & Friends”

Let’s see how they do against New Dominion.

This season should officially be dubbed “Revenge of the G5” or something, because these upsets are absurd. Next year, “the Power 5 Strike Back” Followed by “Return of the G5”

wow underdog Va Tech showing a lot of heart

That’s

One

Dramatic

Upset!

https://imgur.com/Z8mjwVs

This is easily the worst loss in program history. Nearly everyone responsible for play calling needs to be fired immediately.

A sack to end the game against VA Tech just about perfectly sums that game up.

So how’s the mechanical engineering program at ODU? Asking for a friend

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CsCzf6FWAAAZy03.jpg

ODU didn’t just win...they ran up the fucking score

UVA wins a conference game and Tech loses to Old Dominion. What a time to be alive!

I am dead inside

Oh so Florida State is BAD bad

We’re a meme now aren’t we?

In 30 years people will blame Tech and this game for the birth of a giant in ODU.

When they start keeping 757 talent at home, they’ll become giant killers like Boise State. Eventually a major conference will give them a chance and they’ll become a young P5 power (like TCU) knocking out blue bloods.

Mark my words, birth of a monster.