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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time — Appetizer edition

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There was a lot of #butt on display over the weekend.

Tomorrow we’ll hit you with the main course of Meltdown misery. But, tonight for dinner, we’ll give a taste of the delicious pathos to come this season.

Texas, FSU, Washington — you get to wait 12 hours to take center stage. Tonight, you dine in hell...or at least an 0-and-1 start as you witness the surrender descending in Ann Arbor, Westwood, and State College.

Some NSFW language in here, especially you potty mouthed Miami fans.

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UCLA — The Chip Kelly era got off to a wee bit of a rocky start, dropping a winnable game to a .500 AAC team at home. 30 minutes into the opener, and fans were praising Mora again.

I don’t blame him for sucking any more than I can blame a dog for being a dog.

So do we suck? We are pretty bad… ok we’re really bad.

Oklahoma will put up 70 on us

We gonna get Harvey Weinsteined hard all season…

Just gave up 14 unanswered because they literally can’t tackle.

On a positive note, the defense would have allowed 40 pts against this team last year.

Instead of going fast Ucla needs to go slow on offense to give the D a breather in between the 3 and outs

0-12? Sounds possible. Mora was nutless. Chip enjoys putting his nuts close to a woodchipper. Too bad we can’t find someone in between.

Looking forward to Chip calling more 4th and 1s in the other team’s red zone....I like his don’t give a F attitude...Whattaya gonna do,fire him???

Was New Hampshire good before Kelly got there?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand time to eat dinner

UCLA - we make your teams backups into All-Americans

I don’t give a shit...Chip Kelly needs to beat this team.

I didn’t expect that much this year. BUT, I at LEAST expected to beat Cincinnati at home. Christ, this is SO unacceptable.

Oh hey key penalty

lol smh

[OU Fan] Came here to talk shit now I just wanna give y’all a damn hug...

UNC - The Tarheels dropped another despicable opener to lowly Cal. They were fairly awful in every phase of the game too. Fedora’s act looks to have grown thin in Chapel Hill going on year six. Remember that time he was on LSU’s wishlist?

If another crappy season means Fedora finally gets fired I’m all for it.

Typical Fedora team. Undisciplined, ineffective getting out of the gate, wrong mistake, wrong time. Hello, 3-9 redux.

Fedora should be fired today

This is somehow even more pitiful than last year. Kapilovic should be fired immediately after the game is over. And it’s truly sad that a guy like Nathan Elliot is a scholarship player for a P5 program.

I couldn’t believe they sent him out for that series. If he goes out again, Fedora should be arrested.

Well...this has been a couple hours of my life I can’t get back

What, illegal block? Huh, you call something you weren’t even looking for on review? More bogus home cooking!

They were ACC officials.

Miami — The ‘Canes are back, baby! Longing for Al Golden, savaging one another in the comments, and debating who they hate more: the kicking game, Malik Rosier, or Mark Richt.

If Malik is the starting QB for the North Carolina game Richt will go down with the ship. The fans will revolt and the clock will start ticking for him to get the boot out of Coral Gables. This isn’t UGA where you will get 15 years. Five years and if nothing has changed you’re fired.

It doesn’t make things better when Malik Rosier was recorded stating that one of his Tight Ends were “too fast”

Yea I’m surprised Malik said that.... That was a dumb comment.... I mean who wants a receiver that can separate himself from a defender anyway

Malik couldn’t hit the ocean standing on a surfboard while IN the ocean...

Only Malik can throw for like 60 yards in a drive and look absolutely awful doing it

He throws with the precision of a buckshot

Malik on the headphones...Asking about transfer to s Div III team

Run the Wildcat !

Can someone forge Malik’s diploma so he can’t play anymore?

Brock Berlin was the last good QB to play here. Think about that

Do we have a punter yet? Still time to get a help wanted ad posted on Monster or in the Sunday Herald.

Can’t be live I’m saying this. At least under Alfred Golden we had a good kicking game

So their QB goes 10 for 23 and 130+ yrds , no TD’s and no int’s and we’re down by 24.... I’m soooooooooooooo confused..

Ah, now these are the Canes I remember. You know, from every year of the last decade except the first 10 games of last year.

Welp. Back to the old “As long as we beat FSU and VT I’ll be happy.”

Ed Orgeron Had a more prepared team than Mark Richt. Yikes

Where is Al Golden

Mark Richt: “we are gonna have some surprises for em”. we are gonna surprise them by doing the exact same thing that we did to get crushed by Clemson

Good news. Next week it’s Savanah State! Bad news. Early line has them favored by 3

Alright well that was a shit show. Congrats LSU and thank you for pushing our shit in.

The game just started ya negative jerk.. shut up already...

Go fuck your mother you scumbag

I wonder how you can type and blow yourself at the same time...

This is fucking stupid so far

its those ugly ass uniforms!

Shankapotumos Punts

please find a quarterback that can win and isn’t all Jamarcus Russell arm strength shit

Lack of discipline (that thuggish activity before the game AND NOT stopping when the coaches told you) an O-line that couldn’t guard a chair, a D-line that can’t pass rush and makes STUPID penalties. “Targeting” Trajan Bandy who leads with the crown of his helmet and more...

So, all the makings of a classic Mark Richt team?

Georgia fans tried to warn us!

Mark richt at it again getting blown out in big games

There’s no way Richt can be this incompetent, right? Did they watch any tape from last year at all?

And after losing this game do we have to pawn the turnover chain to pay all those people back who went to Dallas to watch the game..

Texas Tech — The Red Raiders, with their allegedly best defense to-date, got pantsed by an Ole Miss team that will struggle to go .500 in SEC play. It wasn’t just a bad outing, the Raiders looked soft and stupid doing it too: a combination that has defined the Kingsbury era.

Would someone at Texas Tech please post the name, address, e-mail address and unlisted phone number of the Talent Agent who negotiated Kliff’s contracts with Texas Tech? I’m looking for some Sales Reps to sell refrigerators to the Eskimos.

It’s almost like they practice “targeting”. Unreal. Same every year, lowest football IQ in division 1. Sigh.

Your supposed to tackle in football. Y’all suck

How can the kicker not reach the end zone and why did they not find one who could

Worst season ever? This is definitely looking like the worst Tech team I have seen since I have been a fan (1995). Will we win any games other than Lamar and Kansas? I think 2-10 is a very realistic possibility.

Uuuuh I think we forgot to bring the defense again.

At least defense doesn’t get tired!

Views from the Stadium: Carter sucks, Bowman sucks, I suck. No one that’s affiliated with Tech that not a former NFL player is trash

Great game guys! I’m mean, man what effort, discipline and focus. #shitshow

This just hurts your head after a while - im out

Penn State — There’s a certain fatalism after a 45-38 win over App. State that Franklin just maybe ain’t the greatest coach without Saquon — he and Barkley aren’t playing defense either. And, yeah, they went there...including debating with Ohio State fans over which program has the creepiest sexual assault record. For reasons of good taste and human decency, they’ve been omitted. I’m sure that won’t come up at all again this year.

I’ll be bouncing my grandkids on my knee one day telling them about the time Penn State took down mighty Appalachian State

Terrific win! Safe to say the Appalachian State dynasty is finally over. Unbelievable upset by PSU. The signature win of the James Franklin era.

I dunno man, Kent state’s next. I hear they’re tough

Our brutal schedule ratchets up several notches with Pitt and Kent St. they’ll prove they’re a top five team with two more squeakers

Please don’t do that to us again. #WeAre old and quite feeble (of heart, mind, and bladder).

#WeAre lucky

#WeAre barely 1-0

#weare #roughlypar

#weare overrated

#WeAre Forgetting about the children’s lives our program ruined.

#WeAre in big trouble with these Fucking RPOs

Anybody else want to hit Matt Millen in the head with a shovel?

How you gonna root AGAINST your alma mater? Really Matt Millen?!?!

Saquon saved Franklins job the past few years

Ohio State really about to come into Happy Valley this year and win 63-7

I loved getting faced this early.

Was this victory bigger than the victory of keeping a coach who can’t keep control of his players and doesn’t seem to care about women being abused by his players?

Michigan — If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s the unbearable smugness of doing things The Michigan Way — even when Notre Dame is bullying them for 60 minutes. I accidentally stumbled into fart-sniffing of the highest order. But, we all know damned good and well they’d sell their souls for a 12-1 record and a playoff appearance even if it meant engaging in shenanigans that would shame Ole Miss. Otherwise, Wolvie is generally pissed that for the 10th straight year they don’t have any offensive lineman...or an offense. And, while they’re frustrated with Harbaugh, there is a nihilistic streak deep within them that is borne of the knowledge that he’s not going anywhere.

Half of the time Michigan’s offensive tackles were asked to not get the quarterback killed they didn’t get the quarterback killed. Runyan even managed to ruin plays where he was given a job like “pretend to lose this block” and still screwed it up.

After the shit we’ve seen over the past decade-ish I’m just impressed that Brian is still covering football.

I feel like Harbaugh gets the big picture a little more than most coaches. He wants his guys to have a good overall college experience, not just a football experience.

Part of “The Michigan Difference” is that everyone- friends & foes of UofM alike- are very invested in seeing the high standards & ethics upheld. The haters maybe even more! No coach is coming in here & lowering admission standards, filling a player parking lot with Land Rovers, allowing a culture of sexual violence we’ve seen at psu, msu, osu. NOT happening!

This fanbase is full of mouth breathing idiots.

Jimmy. Jimmy! Where’s your Fullback?

I (we) waited 8 months to see this bullshit. I don’t know what else to say.

I think Wimbush learned how to throw the ball in the offseason

He is getting very good at speaking in defeat.

Offensive identity Jim. What is it? I think we should be Wisconsin with better QBs & Recievers and a more open passing game. Or.. do we want to be PSU with a spread passing attack? Or.. perhaps we want to be some hybrid that’s a shitty version of both?

Looking at this situation with rose-colored glasses is factually unrealistic. The offense was terrible last season and this year, they started out the same way. From the play calling and offensive line standpoints, they were both frustrating and infuriating…just like last season

This coaching staff Can’t put a legal formation on the field. Impressive stuff.

Harbaugh is a fraud until proven otherwise.

When, late in the 4th, announcers discussing how this is Michigan’s chance to come back but they need to show real urgency. Then one announcer, with the disbelief clear in his voice, states: “And…they’re huddling.”

Unless something drastic happens, my Saturdays have just opened up.

I just want to see Michigan beat MSU and OSU. If they finished 6-6 but beat MSU & OSU, sadly, I would take that.

Guys, we just need to give them more time. Dont complain, stop being so negative. Were on the ten year plan to finally won a big game, twenty year plan for winning the big ten. Just be patient.

11-1. BIG Champs. National Champs. I day drink.

I went from alcohol to drinking bleach to shooting up that cobra venom