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NSFW: Meltdown — New Year’s Massacre

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The New Year served up a bad day for some heavy hitters

<p zoompage-fontsize="15" style="">Tennessee v Georgia

Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images

We have reached the penultimate meltdowns, folks. And we’ve got heavy hitters today: Michigan, Notre Dame, and Georgia. Don’t worry, Alabama fans, we get our very own turn soon — we did not exactly cover ourselves with glory on Monday night.

But, for today at least, in this next-to-last installment of Meltdown, let us mock those while we can.

Language and decency warnings apply.

Peach Bowl
Florida 51 Michigan 14

This was a very close game with the half winding down. Then...the wheels just fell completely off (thanks, Shea Patterson!) The second half turned into one of the most one-sided ass beatings of the bowl season. As usual, the Wolverine’s issues were poor coaching, slow players, paleolithic offense, and a defense that can’t stop a decent modern offense. Dan Mullen looked like Bill Walsh.

Those kids deserve better. Please hire an offensive coordinator. We love ya, Blue, but you’re breaking our hearts.

10 win Jim

Lmao not surprised. Same shit will happen to us next year. Big game choak culture

This team sucks so much cripple ass

Harbaugh not shaking hands with coach Florida’s coach after the game is embarrassing to Michigan football.

Go Brown! Cuz we always shit ourselves.

Pathetic! Great job Harbaugh, what’s the excuse this time? Plane tickets for Rome got in the way? Couldn’t be overshadowed again by Urban?

I am personally tired of the whole Michigan man thing and ties to Bo and his style of football. I would like someone that has no ties to the program.

Trust Us? Oh Boy!! We trusted you the last 15 years and you have won absolutely nothing of significance. You are becoming the Detroit Lions of CFB!!

Please find an offense somewhere other than 1985!

What 3-5 games are we going to lose next year?

3 yards and a cloud of dust. Fire harbaugh!

Since taking over at Michigan Jim is 1 win and 9 losses against top 10 teams .... a 10-3 season with no quality wins is like going 5-7!!!

Letting guys sit out because they’re scaredy-cats of injury before the drafts is stupid and unnecessary. What happened to the team, the team, the team??? Bo would turn over in his grave.

I’m watching Alabama & Clemson and its obvious how overpaid the coaches at UM are.

y’all owe me $250 for the tickets from that abortion I attended on Saturday.

let’s make our opponents kiss our butts
Very curious request, but can’t say I’m opposed.

Hey Jalen Hurts is available... go get his ass

Can I suggest choosing captains that will play until the very last game?

Another 3 months down the drain! See ya next year for more 3 and out offensive play calling.

Pathetic, I’m going back to ncaa 14

Brady Hoke > Jim Harbaugh.

We are really slow and predictable. Snapping the ball w 2-3 seconds on the pla clock. Full backs and TEs in the slot.

Typical Big Ten speed — Don Brown hasn’t made an adjustment in three years.

Dax Hill will be decommitting again in the near future

“Those who stay will be champions (in basketball.)” Those who transfer to Alabama will be champions (in football.)”

bEsT deFensE iN thE cOuntRy

Let’s get creative! Run up the middle!

I texted my brother a minute ago and typed ‘harbaugh’ and my phone autocorrected to ‘garbage’. I kid you not!

Once again a shoutout to the BAND and the CHEERLEADERS who work hard.

At least they scored some touchdowns!

No more revenge tours. No more bulletin board material freely given.

Can I suggest going back to white socks like It was during Bo’ era. We are slow and look slower in those damn “all navy uglies.” At least with white socks I can pretend Bo is still coaching the program instead of Big Game Jimmy! I’m just saying ...

ReVeNgE tOuR

Ohio State kicks our ass. Lose bowl game. As is tradition.

Great season? GTFOH. It was a great season.... except when you playing actual good teams, in that case it was a shitty 0-3 season

Jim, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Don’t be scared to let a QB with more talent than yourself lead this team on the field.

This was a season full of crap. Step the Hell up!!!!!

I can’t wait for bad playcalling and under throws and bad clock management next year. Go Blue!!!

All you Wal-Mart Wolverines can leave whenever you’d like.

Why does everyone get so worked up over COLLEGE FOOTBALL, it’s like life’s are ruin if we lose

I’m getting tired of having to explain to everyone why we haven’t beat any top tier teams

There are 8 NFL teams looking for a head coach....just sayin, Jim.

what the fuck did they do this whole month?

Harbaugh = Horseshit

I will say that defense…has a lot of work to do.

My 2019 resolution is to be less emotionally invested in and trusting of the football team

I don’t care how many players tell us the playcalling is more varied and sophisticated than it looks, if opposing defenses aren’t finding it that way.

“we haven’t even opened the playbook” has been a nausea inducing lie

Those who stay will be........... Idfk.

Don’t tell anyone, but I wish urban Meyer would come and coach at Michigan

How can this program be so terrible on the road?

Hired the wrong friggin Harbaugh,

“Start a new chapter?” LOL. Let’s make the first chapter in the new book the chapter where Bo Schembechler comes back from the dead

“Those who stay will be Champions”...at what school?

So far Harbaugh lucked into Hoke’s players Because the 2016 was built on Hoke’s recruits and is the best team he has had thus far.

Should change to the logo from “The Team, The Team, The Team” to “ The draft stock, The draft stock, The draft stock.

Two BIG thank you s are due 1) to OSU, who saved Michigan from the #4 spot in the CFP. Shea-shea had seen Bama up close before. Didn’t go well. This morning, there would be no excuses or fake indifference. A painful program killing 50 point loss avoided. Aspirations remain safe, just, avoid the reality another year.

No hope in Maize and feeling very Blue

Body blows here we come... Handoff up the gut for 2 yards.

1st and goal from the 16. Lined up under center with 2 tight ends and a running back and ran a play action pass.

why in the world would anyone run on first and goal from the 16 needing a td. Therefore, what the hell is a play action going to do to the defense ???

If we’re going to run an outdated offense and not utilize our outstanding WR group, why don’t we just go all in and get the triple option going? It’s a great style of offense for teams that are overmatched physically and talentwise by their opponents, which we seem to be.

NEXT YEAR CAN WE DO BETTER THAN START EVERY DRIVE ON 2ND AND 9!!!

Another well coached Michigan loss.

Welcome 2019 let’s get all hyped up for this years 8-4 team and another blowout loss in the bowl game!!!! Woohoo here we go again!

Scary thing is that next years team is going to be literally putrid.

Cotton Bowl
Notre Dame 3 Clemson 30

Twas a game eerily prefatory for Alabama fans: Notre Dame lost its three best defenders, played really stupidly, the OC was badly outcoached by Brent Venables, an accurate star quarterback was flummoxed for the first time all season, the DC called a lot of zone and didn’t rush Sunshine which resulted in uncharacteristic huge plays. Dabo must have sold his soul to the Debbil’ to get two teams to do this in a row.

But, to the Irish, the failure is all Brian Kelly’s. And their collective dive into sorrow is amazing.

Remember when you were incredulous that Kaleb Wingo predicted a 26-point loss? It turns out that 10-year-old had the closest guess of any of the “media” predictions.

Boy was I in cool aide dreamland. Of coarse its “We have to coach better”

I’m going to bed. Football sucks.

If Norte Dame doesn’t respond in 5 minutes they owe me Tacos

I am 45 and I can’t remember a time when 3rd and Long was a good thing for ND. I remember Miami converting a 3rd and 46 or something as a kid.

All you bandwagon turds float to the top
My comment wasn’t bandwagon. I will still be a fan. Just one without any expectations

Punting there says I’ve had a month to game plan against Clemson and I haven’t come up with a play that gives us a reasonable shot at getting five yards.

I make a reasonable request for game specific comments on this one post… 75% macro. So pumped for the offseason…

Maybe it’s just time to switch the channel....South Park marathon Is on

I WOULD RATHER WE NEVER MAKE THE PLAYOFF EVER AGAIN THAN SEE US IN A GODDAMNED CONFERENCE!

This may have broke my fanhood. I will still watch. Still get excited. But eventually you have to stop letting your abusive husband hit you right? Every year he can tell you he’s sorry or it won’t happen again. He can tell you that it was only because he loves you.

Year in & year out....this horseshit. Do better.

No more. I can no longer risk hypertensive stroke, my daughters wondering why daddy is upset, etc. I switched the game to “House” late in the third quarter, apologized to my family for pitching a tantrum, had a nice and relaxing dinner, had a beer and a shot of good Moldovan Cognac, and then, after I calmed down, I played with my girls and bowl season ended. That was much more entertaining than watching ND FAIL AGAIN ON THE BIGGEST STAGE!!!!

The offensive coordinator coming from Memphis???? Is like offensive coordinator from University of BELIZE ... NOTHING NADA GARBAGE !

BK sucks and he knows it.

We lost because we weren’t as deep as Clemson (because Notre Dame is like the only program left that refuses to fork under-the-table money for 5-Star mercenaries every off-season). If Cheating is the only possible way to win championships anymore, then College Football is BROKEN!

put RUDY in!

Let’s join the ACC and get this kind of pain over during the season.

You can bet your ass Georgia is gonna be gunning for the Irish next Sep 21 because of this too. They feel they were robbed and are going to want to put a beat down on the Irish to prove it. Playing a team that damn near beat Alabama, in their house – can’t wait (sigh).

The only thing I’m surprised about really Is that it took so long for the hammer to drop.

A mediocre ND Football program is fine with the ND administration. Traditional ND values are out. Swarbrick, Kelly, Obama and Biden are in. Holtz is out. Get with the new program or move on.

Did you see Swinney and Venables lose their shit, piss and snot about the one replay call they didn’t get?

Jinxed By Bon Jovi.

Tyler was the only highlight, netting more yards punting than the entire offense.

Burn the green jerseys, gloves, shoes and the sideline polo shirts. This superficial stunt hasn’t worked in years. Appeared that the Kelly spent more time on color coordinating than on game planning

Chip long Is getting completely out coached right now and the defense is self destructing [Ed. note: deja vu]

When my wife looked at me before the game and said “don’t do this to yourself, you know how this is going to go” I knew she was right.

Defensive Backs making a lot of tackles is a very bad thing.

I will not re-paint my man cave, sell all my memorabilia, discard all my clothing, or remove my ND tattoo … it is what it is! I can now have the courage to stop thinking with my heart and except reality…

Is Bob Stoops still retired and living in a condo in Chicago?

ND hasn’t been able to run with the big dogs for decades. Those days are long gone; be at peace with it. Toys R Us is dead, Sears is dead, ND as a football power is dead.

This game was the bitter fulfillment of the pessimistic predictions I made to anyone who wasn’t quick enough to escape my ranting

It’s not really that we lost the game, more so that even with all of the improvements our program has made since the night we played Bama 6 years ago, we still get blown out by 4 TD’s in the biggest game of the season. This was truly the worst case scenario for us Irish fans.

Let’s just say this... It’s not something to brag about when your safety is your team’s leading tackler.

nice to see some of the Clemson second and third string guys getting some playing time in a big time playoff game.

Kinda funny if you can allow yourself to laugh in this painful time.

We are all pissed. No reason to take it out on the guy who has written 3 COLUMNS to entertain YOU through his own sickness and shitty attitude about this loss.

I’m tired guys. I turned 40 this year. I’ve been more devoted to ND football than I should have been for the past 18 years of true adulthood. I’ve got kids, a lovely wife, a life. And the time I could be spending with them and on worthwhile things is being consumed by this shit show.

wow–I had thought Kelly had gotten past his own ineptitude but boy was I wrong.

Stupid fucking notre dame. I’ve been a fan my whole life, went there for school, loved football. But what the fuck. Why can’t we just stop shitting the bed? Why can’t we show up and play with pride on the big stage. So sick of the punishment. How do you/I root for a team like this?

In the first five plays we had a two fumbles and a penalty and a dropped ball by a seasoned receiver.

Hearts broken: literally all of em. Fuck this team

I think I’m just done.

At least we aren’t Oklahoma bad

Sugar Bowl
UGA 21 Texas 28

This game wasn’t as close as the score. Mel Tucker had left the program, Chaney seemed to have his head half-way out too. And, hey, why not? The Dawgs’ best player decided to sit this one out too, giving Ehrlinger a lot of targets against Fr. and So. defensive backs. It was an unmotivated shitshow, where the offense couldn’t run, the receivers couldn’t catch, players fumbled, Bad Jake Fromm showed up, Justin Fields didn’t see a single snap. and the line play for UGA was horrible.

Who to blame? All of the above. But, above all, Georgia fans blame Kirby. The honeymoon is over.

Dawgs are proving the committee made right decision

Losing faith in Kirby. This is pathetic

Kirby sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can we get Mark back!!!

Guess uga saw the writing on the wall when that longhorn got after him.

Almost EVERY Defensive Play Texas is Lined up Off Sides or in the Neutral Zone . No wonder their stopping Ga. Hell their in the Backfield on the Snap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Georgia is so unsuccessful compared to who? (Alabama and Clemson don’t count!)

I think the Georgia players put money on Texas.

Smart told Richt hold my beer and watch this. We’ll suck with good players!!

Since Georgia has decided to sleep I’m going to bed too

Kirby Smart is CMR, but can recruit better.
And he’s kind of an asshole.

Hello de-commits!

Kirby has no balls period

Tackle someone ?

Why Wait to use the timeouts? And then your punt returner doesn’t field the punt even though the clock is rolling?? How many more drops will Holloman have? Your punter doesn’t know he can’t let his knee hit the ground? Fumbles?

Everyone knows Ehlinger is a runner except the defense????? My gosh this is pathetic

Does that chant sound good Kirby? “Overrated”? That’s YOUR FAULT!

Just keep the cameras on the Georgia cheerleading squad...tall blondes over 5’7” who weigh less than 129 who make Alissa Violet look unattractive. Just the way I like it.

Kirby “4th and 11” Smart

i have the flu and a really high fever which has helped me not get emotional at all. I havent left for days. I worked half a day monday and other than that been home since friday evening. 2019 sucks. ready for 2020.

we. cannot. sack. qb’s.

Aight. I’m making a sandwich.
I’m making another drink
I’m sandwiching drinks between other drinks.

Kirby needs fired. He loses too many big games. This is horrible leadership from the sidelines, the play calling is a joke, and the run started working he abandons it and throws three straight times into a blitz...

All the holding calls the refs are not calling on Texas

Is there a reason why we suck so bad tonite?

Go out there and put your “4 best teams face on”....

Has Jake Fromm ever played football or is this his first time

I think I’m going to turn the TV off now. I may not even watch next season. I dont know if I can stand this coaching staff much longer.

Kirk Herbstreit is gonna lose his job. He fought so hard for us only to be proven wrong.

The Schadenfreude from OU and ND will be very real Georgia doesn’t get its act together. Their losses do not preclude enjoyment of Georgia getting embarrassed.

LeCounte being the leading tackler is a bit misleading. He also has more missed tackles than a couple conferences this year.

These bums get drunk last night too??

Kiry needs to go back to high school and coach maybe even Pop Warner.

How much can a Georgia fan take ?

And of ironies, we need Eason and verts now.

Our defense is celebrating a hit made when Texas gets a first down...you cannot make this stuff up! They were pinned inside the 8 now at the 30!!!

This is not fun. Aren’t bowl games supposed to be fun?

When Fromm stinks, he really stinks

It looks like UGA changed their motto from Attack the Day to Attack the Beignet on this trip to New Orleans

Fire everyone

Please put in Fields. If Alabama can do it when their QB is tanking, then turn it around, why don’t we?

Can’t wait to read their tweets

Jake Fromm is ASS. Put Fields in coach!!!

Kirby & Chaney need to transfer with Fields.. Pathetic.

Be happy with what you got. I’m Stuck with will fucking mushchamp.

Well Kirby your out of timeouts. Your pussy defense couldn’t come up with one key stop. This team wasn’t remotely prepared for this game and it falls on you. You have embarrassed this university and the SEC. You need to be fired.

Classic UGA choke. I’m honestly not surprised... in the very least.

Imma act like I didn’t see this

The whole program failed.. Even uga. He should have bit tf out of bevo but he ran.

I understand why Fields is leaving!!! Fromm fucking sucks!!!

Well y’all ruined 2019 after one day thanksIf I was coach and we went to NOLA, they would be locked up for the week.

Almost got a tip. We are improving

Lol- learned a lot about that fake punt soft coach. still can’t get over that ignorant decision to trick off the SEC Championship. Program changing play. Nobody wants to play for that kind of incompetence

Beautiful set of downs on offense there. Your O line has given up and you lost 4 yards on the drive. #firekirby

well, monkey fruitcake

Watched a movie on HBO instead, and I have no regrets.

I would never had guessed Kansas had a better offense and a better defense than Georgia.

Fromm gets the deer in the headlights look whenever he gets knocked around a little bit. It would be great if he had a little bit of natural talent to get us out of trouble sometimes.

what about his under diress metrics? cause I may even get one off in a clean 8 second pocket. as long as it was to swift 4 yards away in the flat. maybe. once on a tuesday.

I have the horrible feeling that Ohio State are going to end up being ranked #3 and get to justifiably moan about having been left out of the playoffs.

my biggest concern is how we totally mishandled Justin Fields. Basically we screwed him over, and the rest of the players, and especially those coming up, now know it too.

I hope the team is embarrassed that they put out a performance for our rivals that is meme-worthy.

UGA- proving every critic right, every season since 1980.

He’s never gonna be coach Saban

We definitely have an issue in the culture that needs to be fixed.

Fields was and is obviously gone, him standing around with his helmet on with zero chance to get in the game was a weird look and only fed into the twitter-hot-take-industrial-complex

kirby got beat by running quarterback yet again in his career. With a older model Offense. Which is what Saban accepted and changed.

Running your mouth Proves easier than running the football.

Score with 14 seconds left. How AWESOME. That’s called window dressing!

What kind of hungover, lazy, waste of time, cry baby, unmotivated, BULLSHIT eating, Kirby Smart coddling football am I watching!

Embarrassing!!!! Kirby needs to explain why they ran that mouth all week and nothing to back it up

Bama broke our spirit...... we’re doomed

I am ashamed of my dawgs...Theyre a classless, heartless bunch of pathetic entitled underachieving punks

Hey Kirby you had 2 weeks to come up with a game plan and to prepare your loser players and this is the result ???? Start your resignation letter you ignorant buffoon !!!

YOU should learn some RESPECT little fella! Now Pass your pork rinds around, pop your Pabst and go bag your own groceries

Just another team on its way back up making a statement out of a georgia game

Guess they finally decided to utilize Hardeman in the 4th quarter. Nauta still not used. Brilliant gameplan. SMH

What’s that saying letting that bulldog bark overload that puppy dog ass?

Pay the refs?

wE sHoUlD bE iN tHe PlAyOfFs

Their parents hate them. Their a disgrace of a program. Good what to go out. They can’t throw or catch a ball losers lol. Worst players and coaches I’ve ever seen in my life.

Georgia elects not to play in Sugar Bowl, loses it anyway.

This was absolutely embarrassing! Kirby, please go back to Tuscaloosa.... we choke on big games.

When do we take kirby out back.

Enjoy this one, kids. We’ve got one left and I suspect you know who it is.