NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 5

Another week brings us another bounty of beautiful sadness from college football fans worldwide. I’m gonna be honest with y’all I tried REAL hard to get you that sweet sweet Clemsoning back on the menu. Alas, my offerings to the college football gods were insufficient.

Blood week is coming eventually I swear I can feel it in my bones. Just because it’s not here yet doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate the unranked meltings. Sometimes the best meltdowns were the friends we made along the way.

This week Iowa State traveled down to Baylor and for some reason wasn’t allowed to have shade despite it being ridonkulous degrees fahrenheit. The Bears went up 20-0 early but the Cyclones fired off 21 straight points in the fourth quarter to take a lead. After taking that lead Iowa State allowed BU to drive all the way down the field and let a freshman who was 0-2 in his career make his first ever to seal a late 23-21 Baylor win for.

On Friday night Cal made the mistake of playing a PAC 12 after dark game as a ranked team against an unranked conference team in Arizona State. Even at home PAC 12 Friday games often lead to conference cannibalization and madness. This game was no different. With their starting quarterback out the Golden Bears lost 24-17 in a defensive slog to Herm Edwards’ Sun Devils.

In Saturday’s greatest “almost a rivalry game” Arkansas and Texas A&M engaged in their yearly scripted middle school fight. Every year the Aggies beat Arkansas either in the fourth quarter or overtime in a game where neither team deserves to win. The contest is always the equivalent of a spicy chili chugging contest: by choosing to participate you doom yourself to a week of your insides making you wish you’d never been born. Aggies won 31-27.

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CYCLONE? MORE LIKE BYECLONE

It was more peaceful in my house when we sucked ass

Iowa State football and blue balls. Name a more iconic duo

THE REST OF THE BIG 12 BETTER PRE-APPROVE YOUR FUCKING COATS AND HEATERS COME NOVEMBER

Of course, when we have an away game, there’s perfect tailgating weather in Ames.

If losses build character we’ve been building it for a hundred years

Baylor can get super fucked.

If Iowa State can’t get shade when it’s 145 degrees on the turf, then teams shouldn’t be allowed to wear coats or have heaters on the sideline when they come to Ames in November.

What kind of crack was the Big 12 on when they came up with the idea of not letting the visitors have fucking tents

Did u guys hear it was hot there?

The offense lost this game for us.

5 possessions on Baylor’s side of the field in the first half and we had 0 points.

That’s the game. Right there. Our defense did enough.

Manning needs to call better plays and Purdy needs to start executing throws.

Editing to add: I am so fucking sick of “looking for positives” or moral victories. I’m glad we made a game of it but I’m fucking sick of this shit. We need to fucking win these games we are in position to win.

We only work when people aren’t expecting anything. That’s the trick.

MVP for Baylor: Global Warming

when the Dr Pepper finally kicks in

Tbf... we lost our conference opener last year to TCU on a last minute FG and faired well the rest of the season… BUT HOLY FUCK YOU GOT TO PLAY MORE THAN ONE QUARTER OF FOOTBALL!

God I hate college football so much why do I do this

We lost to a kicker named John Mayers who before that kick made as many collegiate field goals as John Mayer. FUCKIN ZERO!

I feel nothing

ISU coaching staff this previous week, apparently: “How can we best absolutely shatter the hearts of our fans?” Well played, coaches. Mission accomplished.

The most Iowa State ending possible: go up with too much time on the clock, give up very lengthy drive, opposing kicker makes his first kick of his career to take the lead, and we fumble it on our last ditch play. Don’t forget going into prevent defense and giving their QB inexplicable amounts of time to guide that lengthy drive. The one freaking time we blitzed we got a fucking sack. Crazy how that worked.

CAN’T (GOLDEN) BEAR TO WATCH

This is the most Pac-12 season ever and we’re a week and a day into conference play.

The Pac-12: We’ll set ourselves on fire for your entertainment.

PAC 12: THE CONFERENCE OF CHAMPIONS

WATCH OUT!! The whole Pac-12 now has a quality loss!!

A ranked Pac-12 team losing on a Friday night? What a surprise!

https://i.imgur.com/lagrvrK.png

Even the most self-loathing person doesn’t hate themselves like the Pac 12 hates themselves

If at the start of the season you told me that ASU would be 4-1 with two wins over top 25 teams on the road with a true freshman QB I would’ve asked you for the rest of those drugs you’re taking.

Well it was good while it lasted. I’ll see you guys next year.

UCLA you can have your QB back.I miss Garbers.

There are zero unbeaten Pac-12 teams… It’s not even October yet

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Like this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a strong independent conference ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no Playoff team ~ ~ ~ ~ ╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝

We got beaten by the team that says “Peno for Eno” and “Firm for Hirm.” They certainly fucked us good tonight.

Man if Garbers didn’t get injured... this sucks.

Disappointing, yet entirely predictable. I’m just going to go ahead and pencil in an L to Colorado for us.

If you thought Cal had any chance of winning this game then you don’t know Pac-12 football

This significantly affects our shot at the playoffs

Pac-12 After Dark: Where all your wildest dreams come true. Unless your dream is making the CFP.

apology for poor english
where were u when pac-12 was kill?
it friday night game when larry scott call
’i is kill pac-12’
’No’

FIRM FOR HERM? ❌❌⭕️ ‍♀️ ‍♀️ ❌❌
IM BUSTIN FOR JUSTIN ♋️♋️♋️ ☺️☺️ ✅✅❇️

Why do things have to be this way. I still love you, Chase Garbers

bought this to commemorate PAC 12 playoff hopes

Imagine it:
End of a game, down by 7 with less than 3 minutes to go. Its 4th down, and your team needs a miracle. This is your moment as qb. The time to be the hero.
Ball is snapped. Here comes the pressure. You see no one open right away. The blitzers are getting closer. Still nothing opens up. A defender dives at your feet.
Oh, the agony. If only you had a chance.
But wait! You were just far enough out of his reach to not go down. He’s got you by the ankles, but this is your chance. Your time to be that hero. The savior of your team. This is that one shining moment in history.
You look left, no one open, look right no one open. Another blitzer is coming. Look left and right again, but nothing. Death is bearing down upon you. You give one last desperate glance, and that’s when you see him out of the corner of your eye. The running back, standing 2 yards to your right.
There’s the chance! Not some lob down the field in a receivers general direction, but a toss to your running back who’s 15 yards behind the line of scrimmage with another defender bearing down on him. He’s got this.
You make your move, and go to toss the ball, but it slips from your grasp. Luckily you keep hold and try again, though by this time you had already wasted so much time that the other defender had reached you. As you go smashing to the ground in a twister of flesh and football pads, you release the pass to your runningback. It flops a yard short of him. The game is over.

MAD CHORRIS AND THE HOGS

TAMU is a Marching Band school

Aggies have beaten Arkansas the last eight years and personally, I don’t care for it.

”it is almost like a rivalry” Oof

Well, we competed in an SEC game. About as much as we can hope for this season.

Anyone who votes Texas A&M in the top 25 should have their ballot revoked.

*Texas A&M propels into the top 10 of the AP poll, Jimbo’s buyout increases by 5 million.*

God dammit, Arkansas. You ruined my perfect meme: TEXAS (a&m) LOST TO (ar) KANSAS

That was close. A&M almost had a transitive loss to San Jose State.

That damn motorcycle cursed us forever

I A&M MAD!!

Another year I’m not featured in The University of Arkansas’ television ad.

6 of the last 7 games in this series have been within 7 points. Arkansas has lost all of them. Feels bad

Of all the games I’ve watched that was certainly one

This game every year takes 10 years off my life

love the annual “aggies wallowing in self pity because they beat us for the nth year in a row but only by one possession” aftermath of these games.

Clemson only scored 24 on this Texas A&M team. Maybe its time we reevaluate #1

So A&M’s best win is still Lamar.

This happens every year, and yet I am still sad. I’m like Charlie Brown always trusting Lucy to hold the football. I too am a dumbass.

Yeah I hate life

Arkansas that was the most hope-dashing shit I’ve ever seen in my life to where I feel like our whole program should be illegal.

All the talk is gonna be about the PI no-call but there’s no way Arkansas was capable of scoring a TD in the fourth.

Arkansas had a chance to put themselves in a manageable 4th and 25 but they let A&M miss a tackle and it all fell apart from there.

PAC 12 after dark: I’m the best football

SEC at 11 AM: hold my now legalized beer

Ah the annual shit fest has come to an end. It’s almost October and It is still hot outside, Jerry Jones has stolen money from more human beings, and the aggies have beaten Arkansas for the 8th year in a row. All is wrong in the world.