Ladies and Gentlemen. For the third week in a row, we have CHAOS!

WEEK 7: SC 20, UGA 17 (2OT)
WEEK 8: ILL 24, WIS 23
WEEK 9...

Kansas State 48 Oklahoma 41

The Sooners came into Manhattan, KS with a Heisman hopeful quarterback and a defense that had been getting their fair share of attaboys as of late. However on this day, it was K-State QB Skylar Thompson who torched the defense. Okie jumped out to a 21-7 first quarter advantage but the Wildcats struck back taking a 24-23 lead at the half. The home team came out of the locker room on fire and reeled off the next 24 points behind exemplary quarterbacking by Thompson to take a 25 point lead in the final frame. Kansas State probably went a little too conservative at that point, doing a poor job of moving the sticks and bleeding the clock as they let the Sooners make it a close game. After a field goal moved the score to 48-41, OU recovered an onside kick but it was nullified when the ball hit a Sooner before it traveled 10 yards and KSU ran out the clock.

LSU 23 Auburn 20

The marquee game of the day was not a great display quarterbacking. Joe Burrow’s streak of multiple touchdown passes was snapped as he managed only one and also threw a pick. For the first time all season, the Bayou Bengals QB was battered and bruised, being sacked three times and harassed much of the rest of the time. LSU got inside the 30 on three occasions and did not score. They outgained the WarPlainsmenEagles 508 to 287 and had 14 more first downs, yet won by only a field goal. The Looziana Tigahs were rescued by a 136 yard rushing performance from Clyde Edwards-Helaire. Bo Nix was his usual awful self for Aubie (15-35, 157 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT) while Joey Gatewood withers away on the bench. Aub freshman running back D. J. Williams came out of nowhere to rush for 130 yards on 13 carries. It was only his third game played in this season. Gustavo Malzahn: talent evaluator extraordinaire.

Michigan 45 Notre Dame 14

Before you change the channel, hear me out. Michigan has been playing pretty good football as of late. But here is the good part: they are already eliminated from playoff contention and eliminated the Irish with one of their most complete games of the season. If they continue to win, they could beat Ohio State AND be stuck with Jim Harbaugh a little longer! It’s win-win! For ND, Ian Book completed only 8 of 25 attempts for a measly 73 yards. With the game out of reach, the Irish back-up QB threw for 60 yards against the Wolverines scrubs. Not counting that 60, Notre Dame had a grand total of 120 yards of offense. Michigan’s success was probably due to the fact that Shea Patterson only attempted 12 passes, completing 6. Michigan ran for 303 yards.

UNLUCKY 7s

Alabama 48 Arkansas 7 - Alabama’s defense had four takeaways including a pick six for Trevon Diggs. The Tide offensive line is beginning to gel and the running game continues to improve. I know it was just Arkansas but this development reminds me of a scene in Happy Gilmore. To paraphrase: “Alabama learned how to run the ball. Uh oh...”

Penn State 28 Michigan State 7 - Has there been a bigger disappointment this season than Sparty? Usually, MSU can be depended on to upset a B1G foe or at least give them a fight. This team has lost their last three to anOSU, Wisky, and PSU by a combined score of 100-17.

Ohio State 38 Wisconsin 7 - Wisky rolled over pretty quickly in this one.

Clemson 59 Boston College 7 - Not worth a recap.

SEC

DESPERATION TIME

Texas A&M 49 Mississippi State 30 - Jimbo Fisher and OC Darrell Dickey have finally figured something out. Too bad it was halfway through the season. For the third straight game, QB Kellen Mond ran for over 76 yards. Since the Aggies have such a dearth at running back, they need Mond - who accounted for three passing scores and two on the ground - to be more of a dual-threat. Meanwhile, all the wheels have fallen off of Clanga-Clang’s season, losing four straight and owning a 1-4 conference record. Joe Moorhead is starting to look like a lemon in Starkville.

Tennessee 41 South Carolina 21 - Will Muschamp is in some deep doodie after this one. How SC wins at UGA then loses to the SEC’s dumpster fire is baffling. After an awful performance against Alabama, Tennessee’s Jarrett Guarantano looked like a dead man walking in Knoxville. With injured starting quarterback Brian Maurer unavailable, UT started out with WR Jauan Jennings running the wildcat. Soonafter, RS freshman J.T. Shrout took over under center, but alternated with the much-maligned Guarantano the rest of the game. Somehow, the strategy worked as the two QBs combined for 351 passing and three scores. Jennings and Marquez Callaway combined for 276 yards receiving against the Gamecocks. SC managed only 78 yards rushing. Both teams are now 3-5 and in danger of missing out on a bowl game.

Kentucky 29 Missouri 7 - Mizzou is 5-0 at home and 0-3 on the road. Wildcats WR/QB Lynn Bowden ran for 204 yards and a pair of TDs in the win.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

• TEXAS IS NOT BACK! I REPEAT: TEXAS IS NOT BACK!

TCU 37 Texas 27 - Four interceptions for grown-up Bobby Hill Sam Ehlinger. The Longhorns are 5-3.

• NEITHER IS NEBRASKA!

Indiana 38 Nebraska 31 - The Cornhuskers sit at 4-4.

FROM THE WTF DEPT.

Kansas 37 Texas Tech 34 - As you can see above, the Red Raiders blocked a game winning field goal attempt but turned the ball over with one tick left. The Jayhawks kicker did not miss the second attempt.

OTHER STUFF

Oregon 37 Washington State 35 – The Dux did not help their cause with a time-expiring field goal win at home over a team with one P5 win.
Minnesota 52 Maryland 10 - Locks’ Terps continue to get hammered.
UCLA 42 Arizona State 32 - The Sun Devils’ visit to the Top 25 was short-lived. Chip Kelly’s Bruins are the most ridiculous Jekyll & Hyde team of the season.

THE WACKY WORLD OF DESMOND HOWARD

Corso is still the most accurate so far.

Teams in BOLD below already have one loss. Teams with a strikethrough have more than one loss.

• DESI - 1. Georgia (SEC Champs), 2. Clemson (ACC Champs), 3. Oregon (PAC Champs), 4. Wisconsin (B1G Champs); Iowa State (B12 Champs); Clemson over Georgia in the CFP final.
• CORSO - 1. Alabama (SEC Champs), 2. Clemson (ACC Champs), 3. Utah (PAC Champs), 4. Ohio State (B1G Champs); Oklahoma (B12 Champs); Alabama over Utah.
• HERBIE - 1. Alabama (SEC Champs), 2. Clemson (ACC Champs), 3. Ohio State (B1G Champs), 4. Texas (B12 Champs); Washington (PAC Champs); Alabama over Clemson.

MY PICKS

• 1. Clemson (ACC Champs), 2. Alabama (SEC Champs) 3. Ohio State (B1G Champs), 4. Georgia; Oklahoma (B12 Champs); Washington (PAC Champs); Alabama over Georgia.

BAMA STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE

• Duke (4-4) - What in the Sam Hill Blue Blazes was David Cutcliffe thinking here? The Blue Devils blew a chance to beat hated rival UNC by calling a stupid trick play. LESSON: When you are first and goal from the two with the game on the line, don’t get cute.
• New Mexico State (0-∞) - Dreadful.
• Southern Miss (5-3) - The Screaming Eagles burned Rice 20-6 as they approach win No. 6. They host UAB in two weeks.
• Western Carolina (1-7) - The Fightin’ Cupcakes are a disgrace... to the FCS.
• BONUS: SC lost... again.

ADOPT-A-TEAM

• UL-Laf (5-2) The Ragin’ Napiers had an off week to prep for a bowl clinching win over Texas State.
• K-State (5-2) The Wildcats are our first adoptee to enact some serious chaos! Now watch them go out and lose to Kansas next week...
• SMU (8-0) - One of the things I like most about the ‘Stangs is that their former head coach (Chad Morris) and former 3-year starting QB (Ben Hicks) left for Arkansas and SMU is a better team. The Pony Express got a scare from Houston on the road but held Dana and his Band of Merry Quitters (3-5) off 34-31.
• Wyoming (6-2) - Back in our good graces from probation, the Cowpokes hogtied Nevada 31-3 to become bowl-worthy.

Potential Adoption

• Appalachian State (7-0) - It’s pretty amazing that the Mountaineers lose Scott Satterfield to Louisville and the ASU machine keeps rolling along under this guy named Eliah Drinkwitz. I’m sure the current players and recruiting efforts of the previous regime are a big part of their success this season. All but one of Appy’s starters on offense are either seniors or juniors, and all but two on defense fit that profile.
  [SIDE NOTE: Luville is already 5-3 after two wins a year ago.]

Adoption Probation

• Iowa State (5-3) - An ugly fourth quarter pick-six thrown by Brock Purdy was the game winner for Okie Lite 34-27. The Cyclones rest this weekend as they gear up for an upset Okie on Nov. 9.
• Hawaii (5-3) - The Rainbow Warriors topped New Mexico 45-31.

COUSINS

• Troy (3-4) - The Trojans fell to surprising Georgia State 52-33. Troy must win their next three (@Coastal Carolina, Ga Southern, @Texas St) because they end the season @ULL and vs Appalachian State - likely losses.
• South Alabama (1-7) - USA was destroyed by Appy State 30-3. #FireWhoeverTheJagsCoachIs

THAT ANNOYING STEP-BROTHER WHO BORROWS YOUR CAR TO KNOCK OVER A CONVENIENT STORE WHEN HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO DROP OFF FOOD AT A MISSION

UAB (6-1) - The Blazers had a week off to prepare for their disassembling of Tennessee.

SALUTE TO OUR TROOPS

Two of the military academies became bowl eligible while the third is circling the drain.

• Navy (6-1) - The Midshipmen are going bowling after sinking Tulane 41-38. Navy kicked a 48-yard field goal as time expired for the win. Must be nice...
• Army (3-5) - The Black Knights struck out against San Jose Canseco State 34-29. The Cadets have lost four straight. It’s hard to believe this is the same team that took Michigan to overtime. Next is Round 2 of the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy at Air Force.
• Air Force (6-2) - The Falcons slammed Utah State 31-7 with 472 yards of offense while holding USU to a mere 128.

ELIMINATED

PREVIOUSLY ELIMINATED:

NEWLY ELIMINATED:

• AUBURN!
• NOTRE DAME!
• WISKY!

ENDANGERED

• Clemson
• Oregon, Utah
• Minnie, PSU
• UGA, Fla
• Baylor, OKLAHOMA!

A way WAY WAY too early look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) picture:

With the Sooners’ loss, it is starting to look like the CFP will have at least one team with one loss.

• ACC - Clemson should run the table. I can’t believe how soft that schedule is.

• Big Ten - Three undefeated teams and they all have to go through each other at some point. If Minnie and anOSU go 12-0, they will still have to meet in the B1G title game.

• Big 12 - Winner of Baylor-Okie doke will be the favorite but it’s a tough gauntlet for both of them to get through.

• PAC-12 - Oregon (7-1) needs to win out and win big just to get a look. Utah (7-1) is not as good as their record indicates.
• SEC - Alabama vs LSU is a HUGE game but both teams could still make the playoff. UGA is 6-1 but not looking so stable anymore. Fla is still hanging around... for now.
• Indies - Notre Dame. BUH-BYE!

SPOILERS?

• ACC - Can NC State or Wake beat Clemson?
• Big Ten - Michigan already spoiled the Irish. Can they spoil the Buckeyes too?
• Big 12 - Maybe Okie is the spoiler now?
• PAC-12 - So Cal
• SEC - Auburn
• Indies - n/a

RANK ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM

A week from today, Nov. 5, the College Football Committee will release their first poll, making all other polls irrelevant. For today however, we are still subject to the whims of idiots of the press and the interns of the head coaches.

Five Southeastern Conference teams are ranked.

#1 LSU
#2 Alabama - Beat an opponent by 41 with a back-up QB and drop. lol
#6 Florida - up 1.
#9 Georgia - moves up two spots by not playing.
#11 Auburn - fell only 2 spots.

* Texas A&M is receiving a few votes.

Here is my after-nine-weeks-half-ass Top 5 rankings.

1. LSU
2. Ohio State
3. Alabama
4. Clemson - Although their schedule is a joke, they are still winning big as they should.
5. Penn State - Have we underestimated the Litany Nylons?

LET’S GO BOWLING

• 40 bowl games; 123 eligible teams (add one more if Mizzou unlikely wins their appeal) for 80 spots.
• 31 teams have at least six or more wins including Georgia State (6-2) Whoda figured?
• Five SEC teams (Ala, LSU, Fla, UGA, Aub) are bowl eligible. Arkansas is a loss away from elimination.
• Rice, New Mexico State, Akron, Old Dominion, South Alabama, and UMass are all out of the running for a bowl invitation.

STATS OF THE DAY

• Auburn and LSU combined to commit 27 penalties for 226 yards. Good ol’ SEC refs.
• Chazz Surratt was a former UNC quarterback who moved to linebacker. On Saturday, the junior got a game-winning interception against Duke (see BAMA STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE above). As a signal caller in 2017, he threw three picks of his own. I’m too lazy to do the research but he has to be the only FBS/I-A player to both pass and receive an interception in their career since the days of players playing both ways. BTW, he is also the Tar Heels leading tackler. Good career move.

Krazy Kristi’s “SHUT UP!” of the Week goes to the Oklahoma head coach Lincoln Riley for his post-game whining about an alleged Sooner being blocked into the onside kick that caused an illegal touch. Let’s get honest, Abe. You shouldn’t have even been in that position to begin with. Your playcalling sucked and your team was unprepared. Now go run off to the NFL like a good little boy.

HEISMAN HYPE

With the exception of TWO YEARS, the Heisman Trophy voting is basically a hype award. Often times voters fall in love with someone and refuse to REALLY look at what a player has accomplished.

WHO WILL WIN

CLARIFICATION: This section is not who deserves to win. It is who the slobbering press and other voters will callously crush on (see last year).

• Joe Burrow (QB LSU Sr.) - The Tigers QB is the new crush with Tua on the shelf and Jalen’s Sooners losing to an unranked team. However even with the big win over Aubie, Joe’s day was not great (32/42, 321 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT, 3 sacks)
• Jalen Hurts (QB Oklahoma Sr.) - Despite losing to an unranked team, we still heard some salivating for Jalen’s “heroic” comeback that fell short. It doesn’t get easier for the Sooners: ISU, @BAY, vs TCU, and @OKST.
• Chase Young (DE anOSU Jr.) - With he “Wut about TayTay??!?!?!” campaign all but quashed, now it’s on to the token “Wut about (fill in defensive player here)??!?!?!”. Stop. Just stop. He is not going to win, so just f***ing STOP!
• Tua Tagovailoa (QB Alabama Jr.) - If he does indeed come back for the LSU game and wins, that will be hard for the voters to ignore.

WHO SHOULD WIN

CLARIFICATION: This section IS for who deserves to win it.

1. Burrow vs. Tua might decide this thing.

• Jalen - Was not great this past weekend.

Runner-Ups

• Justin Fields (QB anOSU Soph.) - It was a big win over Wisky but Fields didn’t blow anyone’s mind (12-22, 167 YDS, 2 TD). In addition, he also made some condescending comments after the game about how the Buckeyes could have scored more if not for the rain. This guy is SO tacky, SO unlikable.
• Jonathan Taylor (RB Wisconsin Jr.) - Another flat tire for Tay-Tay (20 rushes, 52 yds, 0 TD). Maybe we should be talking about anOSU RB J.K. Dobbins (20-163, 2 TD).

If I had a vote:

• Burrow or Tua...

Not an injury.

THE SICK REPORT

• Nick Saban post-game presser: WR Devonta Smith has a “bruised shoulder. He’ll probably be out for a few days but should be fine.” RB Najee Harris “barely twisted his ankle,” could have returned if needed. DB Shyheim Carter had a “little knee sprain. He’ll be fine”. Ale Kaho has a fractured hand which will be fixed and he’ll be able to play in a cast”. QB Tua Tagovailoa is “doing really really well” and should return to practice “by midweek.” OL Evan Neal had “a little bit of a groin strain”. OL Landon Dickerson “got hit on the knee”. Both could have returned. DB Jared Mayden had a “pulled groin”, could have played in an “emergency” situation. No word on PK Will Reichard (hip).
• Not reported by Saban but Tweeted out by beat reporter Aaron Suttles: “Junior tight end Miller Forristall is out for several weeks due to an injury he sustained Saturday night in the Arkansas game.”
• LSU S Grant Delpit and CB Derek Stingley both went down with injuries against Auburn late in the game and did not return to action. Coach Ed Orgeron did not seemed concerned and mumbled something to reporters: “I dink itz regaluh stuff and we gone wouk on it in da weeken wid da eyea newt and batwings go tiguhz.”
• Auburn RB Boobee Whitlow played against LSU but was “limited”. He had 3 carries for 9 yards. Gustavo Malzahn stated his condition has not changed. WR Will Hastings jammed a finger in pre-game that limited him. DB/PR Christian Tutt is still banged up a bit.
• Ole Miss freshman running back Jerrion Ealy is in concussion protocol. Minor league baseball is probably looking pretty good right about now.

DRAMA

• Reports have surfaced that Rutgers is trying to lure Mississippi State coach Joe Moorhead back up north. They would have to dish out some cash. Joe is the lowest paid conference coach but $3.05M per year is more than they were paying the last guy. With SEC money rolling in, MSU would probably be able to match anything New Jersey U would offer if that is their desire. And then there would be the matter of paying the buyout. The Scarlet Knights still owe their last coach, Chris Ash fired in September, $2.3M for this season and $7.5M for the three years remaining on his contract after this current year.
• USA Today released an updated list of salaries of college coaches. Purdue’s Jeff Brohm is No. 8 at $6.6M! That is $3.3M for every win he has guided his team to this season.
• Jeff Fisher is reportedly a “potential target” if Vanderbilt moves on from Derek Mason. WHAT ARE THEY WAITING FOR??!!
• After the recent onfield crash, Oklahoma’s idiotic Sooner Schooner shenanigans have been shut down for remainder of season.
• Urban Meyer uses puppies as toilet paper.
• Day games have not been an issue for the Volunteers as long as Fat F*** Phil Fulmer attends the games to block out the sun.

EYEBALLS

The flapping gums want you to think that TSIO has lost some luster. However, the numbers don’t lie. According to a release from ESPN, the latest version of Tennessee-Alabama drew 4,248,000 viewers, the largest audience that week for any game besides ABC’s Sunday Night Football across all of the networks. Birmingham had the largest local market with a rating of 41.8 - which is a large number. Knoxville drew 26.6 and Nashville 14.6 - still good numbers. Atlanta had a 11.3 local rating. Among viewers 18-49, the SEC rivalry game was decimal points behind the Astros clincher over the Yankees in the ALCS and ahead of the deciding game of the NLCS between the Nationals and Cardinals.

THIS WEEK

Whoa-ho, Nelly! It’s Week TEN already. This is not a great weekend of college football. Outside of the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, there is not much in the way of real elimination games. So, go get married. Go get your picture taken with Mickey and Goofy. Better yet, go get all your Christmas shopping done, because things are about to get craaazy.

Clearly, College GameDay is no longer about traveling to the locale of the biggest game of the week, otherwise they would be in Jacksonville. Instead they are heading to Memphis for the SMU game. Whatever... SEC Nation will smartly be in Jax.

(Below is an abbreviated list of games of interest. If you REALLY need to know about the big Buffalo-Eastern Michigan showdown, you can find the details here.)

Thursday, October 31

West Virginia at Baylor 7pm/8pm ESPN - The Waco cult should have no problem with the couch-burners.
Georgia Southern at Appalachian State 7pm/8pm ESPNU - Appy continues their march towards an undefeated season.

Friday, November 1

Navy at UConn 7pm/8pm ESPN2 - The Middies should be able to handle the 2-6 Huskies, but this is one of those kinds of games they have overlooked in the past.

Saturday, November 2

MUST SEE:

Georgia at Florida 2:30/3:30 CBS - ELIMINATION GAME! It’s the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and it has major SEC and national implications.

SEC:

UTSA at Texas A&M 11am/noon SECN - Aggie looking for win No. 6.
Mississippi State at Arkansas 3pm/4pm SECN - Two reeling programs struggling for something positive.
Ole Miss at Auburn 6pm/7pm ESPN - Pisst off Aubie is gonna pound them some RebelSharkBlackBearManPigs.
UAB at Tennessee 6pm/7pm ESPNU - Don’t be shocked if Bham U pulls off an upset with the Vols all full of themselves.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina 6:30/7:30 SECN - If SC blows this one, Muschamp better start looking for a real estate agent.

NATIONAL:

Miami at Florida State 2:30/3:30 ABC - Go ask Granddaddy what it was like when this game meant something.
Army at Air Force 2:30/3:30 CBSSN - Round 2 of the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy.
Utah at Washington 3pm/4pm FOX - ELIMINATION GAME! Can the Huskies salvage a disappointing season by ending the Utes desperate dreams of a playoff birth?
SMU at Memphis 6:30/7:30 ABC - This might be the one that kills SMU’s magic carpet ride.
Oregon at Southern Cal 7pm/8pm FOX - ELIMINATION GAME! Trojans have a chance to put away this ridiculous notion of the Dux being a playoff team.

WHAT HATH NIGHT TO DO WITH SLEEP?

BYU at Utah State 9pm/10pm ESPN2 - Mormons hatin’ Mormons.
Boise at San Jose Canseco State 9:30/10:30 CBSSN - ugh.
New Mexico at Nevada 9:30/10:30 ESPNU - This one will seriously put you to sleep.
Fresno at Hawaii 10:59/11:59 Alohavision - G’night.

#ALABAMA

GAME EXPERIENCE

Let’s talk about the game atmosphere. As the kids used to say: “it was lit”. The crowd was loud and engaged the whole game. Even the most #GOML curmudgeon could not be unimpressed by the light show. It was pretty awesome. During one break, they turned on the “crimson” lights only and everyone did the wave with their cellphone flashlights. It is much cooler in person than it looks on video.

Having the 2009 team (Mark Ingram, Dont’a Hightower, Javier Arenas, etc) in the house was pretty special. Ingram walked down the Walk of Champions with Saban and the team. Joe Namath was also there and spent some time on the radio with Eli Gold. Another master stroke by Saban has been welcoming back football alums to campus, and not just for games. Imagine if a recruit turns a corner at the Mal Moore Complex and sees Julio Jones chatting up with Landon Collins.

If you can make it down for the Western Carolina game (Nov. 23), I highly recommend it. Tickets are mega cheap and it is a good time.

FROSH

• The usual freshmen starters: LB Shane Lee (5 solos, 1 asst, 1 sack, 1 TFL in addition to the sack), LB Christian Harris (4 solos, 2 asst, fumble scoop for 37 yards), defensive tackle DJ Dale (1 asst), offensive guard Evan Neal. DB Jordan Battle (2 solos, 1 asst) also got a start with the Tide in the nickel package.
• RB Keilan Robinson - 9 rushes, 29 yards.
• QB Taulia Tagovailoa - (third game) 6-8 passing for 45 yards.
• TE Jahleel Billingsley (fourth game) - 1 target, no receptions.
• WR John Metchie - 1 rec, 5 yards.
• DB DeMarcco Hellams - no stats.
• DE Byron Young - no stats.
• DE Justin Eboigbe (5th game, no redshirt) - no stats.
• P Ty Perine (second game) - 51 and 42 yard punts, asst tackle.
• DB Marcus Banks - no stats.
• C Darrian Dalcourt

* All of the above have played at least five games except where noted.

SABAN VS MACK

Mack Brown got an assist from David Cutcliffe after the Duke coach tried some silly-ass silliness and handed the win to UNC. Nick Saban is still up 3 Ws in career wins as a FBS/I-A coach on Brown but gaining on others.

Alabama has won 31 straight home games, the longest home win streak in SEC history. The Tide also has 89 straight wins over unranked foes.

BYE WEEK

No game this week for the Crimson Tide as they prepare for the latest “Game of the Century” clash with LSU in Tuscaloosa. I’m sorry to go out on a downer but be prepared for the possibility that Tua does not play or is less than 100% and is ineffective. We need all your HooDoo sacrifices, prayers, repentance or whatever good vibes you can send 35401 way.

#RollTide

POLL