Things just aren’t the same when Alabama is not on the schedule. Yet, there was still some mighty good schadenfreude.

SECHADENFREUDE

Florida 24 Auburn 13 - EXPOSED! Auburn sure got a heaping tablespoon of rat poison leading up to this game. So much talk about the mad genius of Gustavo and the wunderkind Bo Nix (has anyone found out who his dad is yet?). But we knew better. Although Aubie was winning games, they didn’t look so great doing so. Florida fumbled on three of their first four possessions and yet the Tigers could only convert a pair of field goals out of them. Nix completed an atrocious 11 of 27 attempts for 145 yards, 1 TD, and 3 INT. He also thought he could outrun the Gators defense by running backwards to hilarious effect. Dan Mullen was trying desperately to give this game away with an ill-conceived moves like a fake punt at his own 33 yard line and ramming his banged up QB into the line, but Aubie wasn’t having it. The Gators can dance around all they want for this top 10 win but neither team looked like playoff contenders on this day.

Georgia 43 Tennessee 14 - The Vols freshman quarterback Brian Maurer made his first career start and sparked his team early on and actually led 14-10 for a few brief moments. But a missed Tennessee field goal with a minute to play until the half brought out the big ol’ quit in them. Thinking the half was over, UT didn’t bother playing defense as UGA moved 70 yards in 50 seconds to build an insurmountable 26-14 lead. Maurer lost his effectiveness as the night wore on and the Dawgs dominated. Jarrett Guarantano, who started the first four games, played a few series and was predictably awful. He and Feleipe Franks should have lots to talk about in the transfer portal.

ETC SEC

Missouri 42 Troy 10 - Mizzou was cruising right along until quarterback Kelly Bryant was knocked out of the game late in the first half with an apparent knee injury (See SICK REPORT below). At that point up 42-7, the air left the room and the Tigers would score no more. Mizzou spent the next 30 minutes running out the clock.

Ole Miss 31 Vanderbilt 6 - John Rhys Plumlee (above) and the RebelBlackSharkManBearPigs running backs had their way with the Swiss cheese Vandy defense to the tune of 413 rushing yards and four ground scores. I do declayuh, Plumlee’s 165 rushing yards were the highlight of the day. At 3-3, the Ackbars inch closer to a bowl birth but it won’t be easy if they can’t win one of the next two: @Miz, TAMU, AUB, NMSU, LSU, @ClangaClang.

LSU 42 Utah State 6 - Coming into this game, USU QB Jordan Love was thought to be an NFL prospect. The Bayou Bengals defense was ready for him holding the Aggies to 159 total yards and picking Love off three times. Well, there’s always Canadian football. Joe Burrow had a big day 27-38, 344 yds, 5 TD, 1 INT.

NATION

If you are not trolling at this level, you need to step up your game.

WHERE THE WILD ONES ARE

SMU 43 Tulsa 37 (3OT) - Wild one No. 1 saw Tulsa build a 30-9 lead entering the fourth quarter, only to see SMU storm back with three fourth quarter touchdowns to tie it up in regulation. In the first OT, both teams scored touchdowns. In the second, the Mustangs lost a fumble, but the Golden Hurricane missed their field goal. In OT #3, Tulsa again missed a field goal while SMU converted a touchdown for the win.

Virginia Tech 42 Miami 35 - Wild one No. 2 had the Hokies dominating running the score to 28-0. In the fourth quarter, it was 35-14 when the Canes scored touchdowns on three straight drives while limiting VaTech to one first down. However, the Hokies were able to put one last drive together and scored with a minute to go for the victory. Having fun yet, Dan Enos?

BIG TEN FOOTBALL, Y’ALL!!

Michigan 10 Iowa 3 - 528 combined yards, combined 9 of 30 on third down conversions, and 15 punts. And this is supposed to be two of the better teams of the conference?

Nebraska 13 Northwestern 10 - This one was not much better. 612 yards, 11 of 35 on third down, 19 punts. Dreadful.

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

Stanford 23 Washington 13 - The PAC-12 will not be satisfied until all their teams are 6-6. UW QB Jacob Eason was garbage (16-36, 206 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT). Someone named Cameron Scarlett ran for 151 yards on 33 carries for the Trees. With two losses, Washington is definitely out of the running for a playoff spot, and maybe out of a shot at the conference title.

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

Oregon State 48 UCLA 31 – Losing at home to P12 punching bag is pretty low. Chip Kelly should just step down now. So sad.

OBLIGATORY SCORES

Ohio State 34 Michigan State 10 - anOSU looking good. Need some rat poison, STAT!
Texas 42 West Virginia 31 - Four interceptions by former Tejas QB Austin Kendall was WVU’s doom. So much for redemption.

CUPCAKES

Oklahoma 45 Kansas 20 - One ESPN.com writer called Jalen Hurts’s performance “dazzling”. Do these guys even WATCH the games?
Wisconsin 48 Kent State 0 - chocolate
Notre Dame 52 Bowling Green 0 - lemon
Penn State 35 Purdue 7 - red velvet

OTHER STUFF

Baylor 31 Kansas State 12 - The Bears are 5-0. Can they create some B12 chaos?
Arizona 35 Colorado 30 - Suddenly, Arizona is 4-1 and leads the division (2-0). Right about now is when they foolishly give Kevin Sumlin a contract extension.
Louisville 41 Boston College 39 - At 3-2, the Cards already have more wins than they did all of last season. Missing out on Jeff Brohm might have been the best thing to happen to this program.

All of the Above

THE WACKY WORLD OF DESMOND HOWARD

Have you ever noticed how Desi pronounces “bulldogs”? He rhymes it with “school” with a “w” in front: “bwooldogs”. What is up with that?

Teams in BOLD below already have one loss. Teams with a strikethrough have more than one loss.

• DESI - 1. Georgia (SEC Champs), 2. Clemson (ACC Champs), 3. Oregon (PAC Champs), 4. Wisconsin (B1G Champs); Iowa State (B12 Champs); Clemson over Georgia in the CFP final.
• CORSO - 1. Alabama (SEC Champs), 2. Clemson (ACC Champs), 3. Utah (PAC Champs), 4. Ohio State (B1G Champs); Oklahoma (B12 Champs); Alabama over Utah.
• HERBIE - 1. Alabama (SEC Champs), 2. Clemson (ACC Champs), 3. Ohio State (B1G Champs), 4. Texas (B12 Champs); Washington (PAC Champs); Alabama over Clemson.

MY PICKS

• 1. Clemson (ACC Champs), 2. Alabama (SEC Champs) 3. Ohio State (B1G Champs), 4. Georgia; Oklahoma (B12 Champs); Washington (PAC Champs); Alabama over Georgia.

BAMA STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE

A tough break for the Dookies.

• Duke (3-2) - The Blue Devils made a furious comeback down 26-3 to Pitt to take the lead but gave up a late touchdown with 38 seconds to lose 33-30. Dook should get back on track with Ga Tech coming to town.
• New Mexico State (0-6) - Surprise, surprise, surprise. The Aggies lose again.
• Southern Miss (3-2) - The Screaming Eagles had a bye week to rest up for North Texas (2-3).
• Western Carolina (1-4) - The Fightin’ Cupcakes handed Gardner-Webb their second win of the year.
• BONUS: LSU and OM won. Aub and Tenn lost.

ADOPT-A-TEAM

• Iowa State (3-2) - The Cyclones finally looked like the team everyone thought they would be, trucking TCU 49-24.
• Purdue (1-4) - I am starting to doubt whether the Boilmakers will create any B1G chaos this season after being throttled by Penn State 35-7. PU complied 104 TOTAL yards, mostly on one drive of 62 yards.
• Hawaii (4-1) - The Rainbow Warriors stayed home to prep for the Smurfs.

Potential Adoption

• Wyoming (4-1) The Cowpokes had a bye week before a tough trip to San Diego State (4-1).
• K-State (3-2) The Wildcats ran into the steamroller that is Baylor 31-12. Next: TCU.
• UL-Laf (4-1) Billy Napier is two wins away from bowl eligibility after a 37-24 road victory over Ga Southern.
• Tulane (4-1) The former SEC member school is making waves with a big road win over a tough Army team 42-33. Next victim will be UConn before a crucial trip to Memphis.
• Layne Hatcher could not follow up his Arky State debut with another win as the Red Wolves fell to Georgia State 52-38 (???). The former Tide QB passed for four TDs but also had a pair of interceptions.

COUSINS

• Troy (2-3) - The Trojans were devoured by Mizzou. Next is a likely win at USA (see below) a week from Wednesday.
• South Alabama (1-5) - The Jags keep finding new ways to lose. In a battle of 1-win teams in Mobile, USA and Georgia Southern headed to OT knotted at 17-17. GSU missed a field goal upping the odds of a W for South Alabama. However, they missed their FG attempt as well! In the 2nd OT, the Jags QB was sacked and fumbled on the first play. The Eagles did not miss their second FG attempt winning 20-17 in probably the lowest-scoring game to go to double overtime in recent history. Steve Campbell has no business being a FBS coach.

THAT ANNOYING STEP-BROTHER WHO PASSES OUT AND PEES ON THAT RUG THAT REALLY BROUGHT THE ROOM TOGETHER

UAB (4-1) - The Blazers led Dirty Rice (0-6) by only a point entering the fourth quarter but put the Owls away in that final frame for a 35-20 win. Next is another sure win over UTSA.

SALUTE TO OUR TROOPS

Round 1 of the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy.

• Army (3-2) - The Black Knights could not contain Tulane’s run game as the Green Wave amassed 324 yards on the ground and 5 rushing TDs by 5 different players 42-33. Army’s next game is a road game to WKU. The Cadets are favored by 4.
• Navy (3-1) - One more wild game had the Midshipmen blow a 21-9 lead to allow Air Force to take a 25-21 fourth quarter lead. But Navy struck back with a touchdown with 23 ticks to go. AFA tried a desperation play but fumbled a lateral on the final play that was converted into one more Navy score as both teams poured onto the field 34-25. Navy heads to Tulsa (-1½) to play a team that runs hot and cold. Lay no money on this game.
• Air Force (3-2) - The Falcons (-3½) host Fresno in a winnable game, but we’ll see how they recover from such a disappointing loss. No betting on this one either.

ELIMINATED

PREVIOUSLY ELIMINATED:

NEWLY ELIMINATED:

• Iowa
• Duke

ENDANGERED

• Clemson, Wake
• Oregon, Cal, Utah
• Minnie, Indy, Michigan, PSU
• Fla, Aub, UGA
• Okie, Tejas, Baylor
• Notre Dame

A way WAY WAY too early look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) picture:

• ACC - Clemson is no longer looking like a sure thing.
• Big Ten - Ohio State is looking REAL good. Wisconsin his still hanging around. Iowa has a chance to eliminate PSU this week.
• Big 12 - Okie vs Tejas - Loser is probably done for.
• PAC-12 - With Aubie losing to Fla, that probably puts a final nail in Oregon’s and the P12’s playoff coffins.
• SEC - Alabama, UGA, LSU...
• Indies - Sadly, Notre Dame still in the hunt.

SPOILERS?

• ACC - Duke or UVa
• Big Ten - Iowa
• Big 12 - Texas, Baylor
• PAC-12 -
• SEC - Auburn - back to spoiler status.
• Indies -

RANK ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM

The Southeastern Conference still has 6 teams ranked in the AP Poll.

#1 Alabama
#3 UGA (tied with anOSU)
#5 LSU
#7 Fla
#12 Aubie - tumbled 5 spots.
#24 TAMU - Moved up one on a bye week, but leapfrogged by Baylor and Memphis.

Here is my after-six-weeks-half-ass Top 5 rankings plus a rickety No. 6.

1. Ohio State - a dangerous team.
2. Alabama
3. LSU - Still not completely sold on them.
4. Oklahoma - Waiting for them to play a REAL defense.
5. Georgia
6. Wisky/Fla

LET’S GO BOWLING

• 40 bowl games; 129 eligible teams. At 0-6, Rice and New Mexico State are both one loss away from bowl elimination. Akron is 0-5.

STATS OF THE DAY

• LSU outgained Utah State 601 to 159. First downs were 32 to 10.
• Auburn was 2 of 14 on 3rd down efficiency.

WTF DEPT

Kansas was hanging tough with #6 Oklahoma trailing only 14-7 as the first half was nearing its end. Through a series of OU penalties and backwards plays the Sooners were pushed back from first and goal to 4th down at the 44 yard line and forced to punt. For some baffling reason, time management deficient Les Miles chose not to put a returner deep even though the Jayhawks did not try to block the punt. The ball could have been fielded around the 10 but it was easily downed at the 2 with 1:10 to play in the half. KU chose to run the ball up the middle while Oklahoma called timeouts after each play. Okie got a big punt return scored a few plays later to take a 21-7 lead and momentum into the locker room. See, this is why you are at Kansas, Les.

KEY & PEELE ALL-STAR

• Indiana QB Michael Penix - Ima leave that one right there...
• Utah State DE Jacoby Wildman - every defense should have at least one wildman.
• Oregon gets team honors this week: Deommodore Lenoir, Malaesala Aumavae-Laulu, Isaac Slade-Matautia, Johnny Johnson III (#TooManyJohns!), Cyrus Habibi-Likio, and lumberjacks Calvin Throckmorton, Hunter Kampmoyer, Tom Snee, Brady Breeze.

Krazy Kristi’s “SHUT UP!” of the Week goes to the salivating talking heads going on and on about Jonathan Taylor. Give me a break! IT WAS KENT FREAKING STATE! Taylor is a fine running back with some pretty numbers next to his name but he isn’t winning the Heisman and you aren’t voting him first place. So SHUT UP!

HEISMAN HYPE

With the exception of TWO YEARS, the Heisman Trophy voting is basically a hype award. Often times voters fall in love with someone and refuse to REALLY look at what a player has accomplished.

WHO WILL WIN

CLARIFICATION: This section is not who deserves to win. It is who the slobbering press and other voters will callously crush on (see last year).

• Jalen Hurts (QB Oklahoma Sr.) - Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Hurts was good again but his performance (16-24, 228 yds, 2 TD, 1 INT, 10 rush, 56 yds, 2 TD) against a crappy Kansas team was not a game to put on a highlight reel. Hurts also threw his second pick of the season and one pass that should have been an easy pick six that was flat out dropped. Some of the flapping gums sounded less enthusiastic this week. Others just looked at the final score and assumed Hurts was magnificent. The Red River Shootout is finally upon us...
• Tua Tagovailoa (QB Alabama Jr.) - Tua had the week off.
• Joe Burrow (QB LSU Sr.) - Burrow got considerable attention this week for his five passing scores and one on the ground over Utah State. He also threw his third interception of the year and had a fumble recovered by a teammate. He was sacked twice.
• Jonathan Taylor (RB Wisconsin Jr.) - As KK mentioned, the “Wut about TayTay??!?!?!” campaign is in full throttle. The funny thing is, he is tied for third in rushing yards behind Chuba Hubbard (Okie Lite), J.K. Dobbins (anOSU), and tied with AJ Dillon (BC). He is 20th in yards per carry.

WHO SHOULD WIN

CLARIFICATION: This section IS for who deserves to win it.

1. Tua.
2. Justin Fields (QB anOSU Soph.) is having a very good year. Much better than the guy he was sitting behind last season, Jake Fromm. Fields numbers (17-25, 206 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT; 11-61, TD) were not great against Sparty but they got a big win.
3. Jalen

Runner-Ups

• Trevor Lawrence (QB Clemson Soph.) - The forgotten man.

If I had a vote:

• Call me a homer but I am still going with Tua. He produces touchdowns and protects the ball.

THE SICK REPORT

• BREAKING: Auburn running back Boobie Whitlow was injured late in the Florida game. He had surgery Tuesday and will be out of action a minimum of 4-6 weeks. This is a big hit to the Tigers because of their lack of depth behind Whitlow.
• Mizzou QB Kelly Bryant took a cheap shot to the back of his left leg, causing him to fall backward and land awkwardly. After the team’s medical staff visited him on the field, Bryant was able to walk to the sideline and head to the locker room. He was later seen on crutches. He reportedly suffered a knee sprain but is expected to have full activity this week.
• Mizzou linebacker Cale Garrett did not get off so easily, suffering a torn pectoral tendon and will undergo surgery that will sideline him indefinitely. Through five games, the team co-captain leads the SEC in tackles per game (8.4) and is tied for the league lead with three interceptions. He has scored three defensive touchdowns this season and was having a monster year.
• Georgia starting nose tackle Jordan Davis was helped off the field with a left ankle injury, unable to put any weight on it. He was later spotted on crutches with a protective boot on his left lower leg/ankle.
• LSU safety Grant Delpit’s first quarter trip to the locker room turned out just be a busted lip.

DRAMA

• Crazy Ol’ Les Miles career at Kansas has spanned all of six games and he has already fired his OC. 60-year old Les Koenning is a long time assistant who served two years as OC at the Capstone under Dennis Franchione (boooooo!) back in 2001-2002 and followed him to TAMU. He was also Dan Mullen’s OC at Mississippi State from 2009-13. Now thanks to COLM, he gets to sit at home watching Real Housewives and cash paychecks.
• In the wacky universe that revolves around Mike Leach, defensive coordinator Tracy Claeys resigned in middle of Wazzu’s off week. The Coogs have given up 105 combined points in their first two Pac-12 games of the season. This feel more like a GTFOH. Claeys, the former head coach at Minnesota, worked wonders in Pullman last year. With Leach at the switch, you can never know what to expect.
• Urban Meyer spent the weekend spreading rakes around the Ohio School for the Blind.
• Police are asking for help to identify a suspect seen stealing a food delivery truck from a nonprofit. Calls to the office of Fat F*** Phil Fulmer were not returned.

EYEBALLS

Michigan State vs Ohio State on ABC brought in an average rating of 1.6 in adults 18-49. This was up a notch from last week’s Ohio State vs. Nebraska matchup and its 1.5 rating but still lagged behind the kind of numbers the SEC draws (Alabama-South Carolina averaged a 3.0 rating). FOX’s airing of Cal-Oregon was universally ignored at 0.4.

THIS WEEK

College GameDay is snubbing the Red River Shootout in favor of Red Stick for Florida-LSU.

(Below is an abbreviated list of games of interest. If you REALLY need to know about the Kent State-Akron game, you can find the details here.)

Wednesday, October 9

Appalachian State at ULLaf 7pm/8pm ESPN2 - Check out Billy Napier!

Thursday, October 10

Syracuse at NC State 7pm/8pm ESPN - Loser owns last place in the Atlantic Dvision.
UL Monroe at Texas State 8:15/9:15 ESPNU - I’ve got nothing for you.

Friday, October 11

Virginia at Miami 7pm/8pm ESPN - This seems like the kind of game the Cavs will blow.
Colorado State at New Mexico 7pm/8pm CBSSN - yuck
Colorado at Oregon 9pm/10pm FS1 - The Dux are hanging onto a desperate hope of playoff inclusion.

Saturday, October 12

SEC:

It’s back to a full slate of games for the SEC except for Aubie.

South Carolina at Georgia 11am/noon ESPN - UGA should roll.
Mississippi State at Tennessee 11am/noon SECN - Can the Vols steal a win?
UNLV at Vanderbilt 3pm/4pm SECN - Vandy is so bad that this might actually be close.
Ole Miss at Missouri 6pm/7pm ESPN2 - Will Kelly Bryant be back?
Arkansas at Kentucky 6:30/7:30 SECN - Not exactly a marquee game.
Florida at LSU 7pm/8pm ESPN - ELIMINATION GAME! What bizarro world are we living in when this game is previewed as Florida’s Defense vs. LSU’s Offense?

NATIONAL:

Oklahoma at Texas 11am/noon FOX - ELIMINATION GAME! Maybe somebody with a better grip on the B12 and the Red River Shootout can tell me why the @#$% they are starting this HUUUGE game at 11am???
Florida State at Clemson 2:30/3:30 ABC - When will Clemmy wake up?
Michigan State at Wisconsin 2:30/3:30 B1GN – LOL this game is only on regional TV. This feels like one of those once-a-year games where Sparty could show up.
Southern Cal at Notre Dame 7:30 PM NBC – Which Trojans team will land in South Bend? Jekyll or Hyde?
Penn State at Iowa 7:30 PM ABC - ELIMINATION GAME!

SLEEPY TIME

Hawaii at the Smurf Village 9:15/10:15 ESPN2/ESPN Video - Send your good Luau vibes up potato way.
Wyoming at San Diego State 9:30/10:30 CBSSN - A key MWC game.

Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

#ALABAMA

FROSH

No game and nobody got in trouble. WOOHOO!

HIT THE ROAD, MACK

Mack Brown picked up a game with a win over hapless Georgia Tech. He is still one game back of Nick Saban in career wins as a FBS/I-A coach. The Heels have a week off for Saban to push that lead back to two. I have to admit, grandpa Mack has done a better job at UNC than I thought he would. Watchuthink?

BYE WEEK

I hope you had a good time at Disney World because it’s back to business. Bama heads to College Station for another showdown with Jimbo.

GAME 6: Saturday, October 12, 2019

Alabama at Texas A&M

College Station, TX, CBS, 2:30pm/3:30pm

• Bleeding Ears: Brad Nessler, Gary Danielson and Jamie Erdahl.
• Eli Gold on Alabama Radio.
• Alabama is 9-2 all-time against the Aggies. The Tide have won six straight.
• Bama is favored by 18 with an over/under of 61.
• Gary mentions of JFF is set at 216½.

#RollTide

Poll