WAKE UP! Week 10 College football television schedule, viewing guide, and unwatchable filth

Alabama has another bye this week (and, honestly, I think two bye weeks for a 12-game season is perfect), so we must turn elsewhere for our marquee matchups this day. While many of the nation’s big boys are on a break, Week 10 is not at all without its charms.

So, let’s see what you should turn the ole’ clicker to, what you should keep an eye on, and what game of the week deserves our ignominy and stink-eye.

Here’s the schedule for Week 10. All times are in God’s Right and Proper Central time. Speaking of: Don’t forget to set your clock back tonight — assuming you have any clock that doesn’t automatically do so. Aside from the stove, microwave, and a wristwatch, I can’t recall even having any of these archaic devices around my house.

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Must Watch:

No. 15 SMU at No. 24 Memphis (-5-5): If you’re in town, drop by GameDay on Beale. I’ll buy you a drink. It’s been a week-long party here in the 901 in celebration of perhaps the biggest game in recent UM football history. Can Norvell and Co. keep it going? These two teams have electric offenses and opportunistic, underrated defenses. The AAC consistently plays some of the most entertaining football in the country, and the winner-takes-all tilt for the Western Division should be no different. Tune in at least to watch electric Kenneth Gainwell, the best player you’ve never heard of. The AAC’s answer to Kenyan Drake is a averaging 6YPC, has picked up 40 receptions, and scores about two TDs a game. He’s getting Heisman buzz for a reason.

Kansas State (-6.5) at Kansas: If Les Miles had turned the offense over earlier, the results would have been very different for the Jayhawks this season, though a bowl is still not out of the question. But, since doing so the last two games, KU has been very Big 12-ish on that side of the ball, and they’re still playing Miles’ version of attacking defense. Their archrival comes to town on the heels of the biggest KSU win in about half a decade. There’s a lot to love about Klieman’s rebuilding effort in Manhattan, but keeping their head out of the clouds will be a chore. There’s a lot of bad blood here and both teams have just enough weaknesses to keep this one weird for a full 60 minutes.
EX. A — What happened last week in Lawrence vs. Texas Tech

Dare we say it? The Hat is back.

No. 9 Utah at Washington. This should have been the P12CG. But, alas it will not be. It will instead be a very low-scoring, defensive-minded game — probably the hardest hitter of the day. Jacob Eason has not been the answer for the Doogs and Huntley is banged up. So, to the ground we go. Throw in two Top 20 defenses, Road Utah, and Home Washington, and the makings are there for a 10-7 kind of final.

No. 8 Georgia vs. No. 6 Florida (+6.5) Does anyone think Florida is the No. 6 team in the country? Does anyone have faith in Georgia’s wideouts to be press coverage? For that matter, does anyone have faith in Kirby Smart in big games any more? It won’t be pretty — the WLOCP never is, but the more talented team will probably prevail. Still, if it comes down to coaching in the fourth, the Clown Shoe potential of Kirby and Mullen could make this one worth watching. NBD: Winner takes the East and earns the right to have LSU or Alabama eat their lunch. If you’re a fan of check-down offenses, then this one is right up your alley.

No. 7 Oregon at USC (+3.5): With all the focus on Urban Meyer angling for the Trojan job, let’s not lose sight of the fact that the Trojans already have a coach. And USC are 5-3, undefeated at home (where they play much better), have already knocked off No. 9 Utah in the Coliseum, and (more importantly) they’re largely healthy again. If Oregon wants to be the team they think they are and stay on the edges of the playoff discussion, then they need this one. Badly. And, you know what? I’m not sure they get it.

BYU (+4.5) at Utah State: Mormon-on-Mormon violence is always a winner in my books. Best part about the instate shooting gallery in the Beehive State? If a team gets the chance to run it up, they absolutely will do so. Psssst. Utah State is favored here for a reason, too.

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Be Ready To Grab the Remote:

Army (+14) at Air Force: Air Force is this year’s version of 2018 Army — a triple option team blowing people out of the water and possessing a surprisingly effective passing threat to boot. The Knights aren’t the force they were last year, and this is a very tough road trip, but any time the service academies mix it up, the potential for a tight game decided on the last drive is in play.

Virginia Tech (+17) at Notre Dame: Has the 2019 Notre Dame team impressed you in any respect? Hanging around because of Kirby’s coaching malfeasance isn’t a skill in my books. For the Hokies, they may be the quietest 5-2 team in football. After looking bereft in September they’ve come around nicely (even if it hasn’t always been pretty).

Auburn -20 vs. Ole Miss: How does the ‘Barn respond after last week’s field goal loss to LSU? The Rebels aren’t as bad as we expected they’d be, and that’s a credit to the two COTY recipients running the coordinator spots. But are the Rebels “catch a team napping”-decent? That remains to be seen. The passing games here are going set football back 20 years, and in Auburn’s case, they have to ride or die with Bo Nix following Joe Gatewood’s (understandable) departure.

Oregon State (+5.5) at Arizona: Does all that defense and competence in Seattle have you feeling down? Want a little more derp and a lot less meaning in your P12 contests? I give you this shootout-in-the-making in Tucson. With Kevin Sumlin, nothing is a given. With the Wildcats’ secondary, that is doubly so. They did, after all, lose a game in which they forced six interceptions.

Want to know a game that’s ripe for an upset? No. 21 Boise State (+13) at San Jose State. The Spartans have forced an ungodly 22 turnovers this year, have a road win in the SEC, an effective passing offense, and are sitting pretty at .500. What an outstanding job Brent Brennan has done in San Jose. And, with the Broncos staring at a huge road game in Laramie next week, this is the definition of a trap game.

But, if that one gets dull, flip over to Fresno State (+2) at Hawaii. The Warriors are 5-3, and I honestly don’t know how — they’re -13 in TO margin. Oh, never mind, yes I do know: they lead the nation in passing and have one of the toughest home venues in the nation. This is a rebuilding year for the more talented Bulldogs, but these two rivals have a history of nailbiters. And, where FSU has strengths in 2019 (namely that opportunistic defense) they’re positioned perfectly to exploit UH. Should be a good game.

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This week’s unwatchable filth:

I almost went with Arkansas-Mississippi State, undoubtedly the worst game in the SEC West this season. I also thought about the WLOCP — consistently the sloppiest, ugliest, stupidest rivalry game going. Really, don’t watch either of those terrible ball games.

But, there can be just one piece of unwatchable filth, and -lo! how the mighty have fallen — this week it is Miami at Florida State (-3.5).

If you hate offensive lines, do I have the game for you. But, If you love substandard coaching, bad penalties and a lot of them, failed player development, blown leads, war crimes masquerading as offensive lines, and atrocious secondary play, then this one is right up your alley. Did we mention that both teams have quarterbacks so erratic as to make Shea Patterson look like Aaron Rodgers? Because that’s true too.

But, hey, at least there will be plenty of undeserved jawing between the teams and a lot of ill-timed, dumb penalties?

Want a sample of what Willie Taggart and Manny Diaz have put together in their respective seasons?

The days of Wide Right and Wide Left are over. Gone too is the relevance for this rivalry. What used to be one of the nation’s kingmakers has turned into the court jester instead, with these two embodiments of the Peter Principle donning the motley.

There is a silver lining in this Turd Cloud: If you’ve ever felt bad at work, had moments where you questioned your competence, or wondered if you’re an imposter, then tune in to this rivalry — you’ll positively be reinvigorated by the knowledge that even these bozos can keep a job.