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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 10

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Quality over quantity

NCAA Football: Tulsa at Southern Methodist Timothy Flores-USA TODAY Sports

Bama bye weeks are always nice because they allow us gumps to look out at the chaos enveloping the nation while passive aggressively sipping tea. Unfortunately this week provided us only three top 25 upsets, and one might not even be an upset since Memphis was actually favored to win by 6.

Hopefully you took advantage of this opportunity to go on a nice walk with a dog, plant some flowers, or walk an elderly neighbor cross a street. I sure didn’t, but I hope you did.

Though the quantity of true melting this week left us wanting the quality in the melters still held true to form with previous solid weeks.

We begin our melting in Memphis where SMU played a prime time ABC game as the road team in this week’s College Gameday selection. The ponies were undefeated heading into this game with genuine New Year’s Six bowl aspirations. Then the Big Twelviest shootout unfurled and ended with Memphis winning 54-48 ending the Ponies undefeated streak and hope for a bowl game they deserve.

Florida State got their butts absolutely handed to them by Miami, the one in Florida. The Seminoles allowed NINE SACKS! You read that correctly, nine sacks in one game. This loss was so embarrassing that FSU fired Willie Taggart the next day after just 21 games into his contract. Don’t let the 27-10 scoreline fool you, this game was never really close.

Florida took on Georgia in the Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party as some used to call the game. I call it “The incarnation of a train wreck colliding with a tornado at a Jimmy Buffet concert.” This game had everything a college football fan could ever want: anemic offenses, more commercials than a superbowl, and abysmal clock management. Dan Mullen forgot how the concept of time worked in the fourth quarter as Georgia realized for the first time that it’s not illegal to throw the ball more than five yards downfield. The Gators went on to lose 24-17.

Language below contains mild cusses and suggestive themes. Rated T for Too much cussin’ by moms everywhere.

PUT THE PONY DOWN

Some 5* suburban Texas high school place kicker is gonna show up to school on Monday w a shiny new Trans Am and we all know why

SMU going 11-1 and getting selected for the Liberty Bowl would be the absolute fucking worst after what happened tonight

Let the G5 NY6 chaos begin :(

”Sonny Dykes is the MVP by going for 2.”

- Everyone who had SMU +6.5. Because if we’re going down, we’re taking everyone with us.

Some say SMU is still getting 2 point conversion to this very day

So is this an upset because Memphis was ranked lower or not an upset because they were also the odds on favorite?

SMU was cursed when Corso Disrespeckt the Tigers Mascot head.

Sports

└ NCAA Football

└ SMU/Memphis

└ Form Tackling

└⚠️ File not found

└ Defense

└⚠️ File not found

└ SMU Special Teams

└ Quarterback Pooch Punt

Don’t let the offensive output and crazy finish distract you from the fact that the American Communist Athletic Conference kicked a fan out for booing the refs.

The number 15 curse continues. RIPonies.

That game was peak Big 12. LET SMU IN YOU COWARDS

The G5 has been eliminated from playoff contention.

SMU is never kicking an extra point again.

This comment has been flagged for pass interference

I just want to share that I counted it up (and very possibly fucked it up) and Northwestern has as many >20 yard plays all season as SMU had this game.

NU: 21, 21, 23 ,23, 25, 31, 35, 50

SMU: 27, 30, 30, 31, 32, 49, 53, 68

Memphis: 24, 24, 24, 49, 50, 78

It’s going to be really annoying when they drop SMU out of the top-25 to make room for the 5-4 UM Hurricanes.

SMU is still the best team in Texas :(

Sad Town Road

I don’t want to be on national television anymore

The Pony Express has officially stopped now :(

What a terrific game if it didn’t cut my nuts off in front of me while making me watch.

But no matter what, don’t cry because its over, laugh because CJK5H

MORE LIKE WONTIE TAGGART

Popeyes chicken sandwiches are back tomorrow. Chin up.

Here’s my thoughts on thgets sacked

Those responsible for sacking have been s-sacked

Hey I want to die

FSU just got dominated by a Miami team who lost to Georgia Tech.

Might be time to jump on the fire Taggart bandwagon.

Did you know FSU has not beaten Miami since the Obama administration?

Did you know this is the first Miami FSU game decided by more than 1 score since 2013?

Did you know this is Miami first victory over FSU by more than 8 points since 2001?

Did you know that current FSU head coach Willie Taggart has never beaten Miami?

Did you know coach Taggart’s buyout is currently 17 million dollars?

Would you like to know more?

Hornibrook has been ejected sacked from the chat.

I’m a simple man. I see a staff with Kendal Briles lose, I smile

Imagine selling your soul for success and then not having success

Imagine being the fan of these following teams:

-Florida State Seminoles

-Atlanta Falcons

-Atlanta Braves

-Florida Panthers

I think it’s really saying something when out of all those teams, the Panthers are probably the best right now. This has been an absolutely miserable year for my sports teams this year.

Just a reminder to our fans that we don’t have money to buy out Willie, we sure as hell don’t have enough money to throw another big contract out. Edit: Fuck I guess we do. Tax the ultra rich I guess

This game was so bad you guys made Glitter Man sad

I knew it was over when they played Soulja Boy..

One of the worst Miami teams in years and we played like dogshit. Not sure what is going on with this team but I won’t believe a word out of Taggart’s mouth until we can actually win a rivalry game under him

The FSU fans that kept defending this guy are a bigger joke than Willie is

First game in like 6 years that this wasn’t a close rivalry game

Taggart is fucked

Not a good look for Taggart. Seems unprepared...again.

”Taggart: “We knew they had a good D-Line, a good defense but we didn’t think they do that to us.””

Miami fans coming into the chat like

This might push the boosters to make a change after this year, we have become the new Tennessee

DAN NEEDS A MULLENGAN

BREAKING NEWS: Florida has accepted a bid to the Outback Bowl to play Michigan

Florida with the 6 minute 50 second drive down two scores

The hell was that clock management on Florida’s last drive? You can’t go that slow and expect to still have a chance to get the ball back.

Peak 3rd and Grantham

Would you look at the time, it is cry myself to sleep o’clock

So, it turns out that letting your talented quarterback make plays, is in fact a good strategy. I was hoping Georgia wouldn’t figure that out tbh

I can’t believe we only lost by 7.

Did Georgia not realize they could just take a knee or were they trying to pull some NCAA 14 moves?

C (...commercial break...) B (...commercial break...) (...timeout...) (...commercial break...) S!!!

Every SEC East team now has a transitive loss to Georgia State.

I fucking hate you Georgia.

At least this means we get to play one of our heated rivals again, Iowa or Michigan

Fuck Gary Damn right. On the last drive when Georgia got the delay of game penalty Gary started screaming, “THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY FLORIDA!” No fucking shit, it’s the last drive of the game. Doesn’t matter if it’s 1 and 5 or 1 and 35 THIS IS FLORIDA’S ONLY SHOT TO WIN regardless of the yards!!!!!

This is the first time Georgia has won when Fromm has attempted 30+ passes.

Being a florida fan is getting up there with being as disappointing as being a georgia fan

No one gives a fuck about your skeleton makeup, holy shit show the actual game

”players do not like balls below their waists”

Gary discovers the art of projection

My hatred of CBS is distracting from the rivalry.

You get 3 timeouts per drive right?

replay official guidelines

I WONDER IF CBS MAKES THE REF WATCH ADS IN THAT LITTLE MONITOR

Punt: commercial break

3rd down: commercial break

4th down: commercial break

TD: commercial break

FG: commercial break

Missed FG: commercial break

Mascot cam: commercial break

Sack: commercial break

Commercial Break: commercial break

Whew. This has been way too much football, I could really go for some advertisements.

Fire Grantham How do you make over a million dollars a year and give up 12/17 on third down? They also went 8/14 against us last year. Dude is overrated trash.

Frick Todd Grantham

Hard to feel positive about the future with another defensive meltdown and another loss in a winner take all game against Georgia.

It’s not just defense either. Our play calls in short yardage were garbage yesterday too.

At least McElwain won a few winner take all games.

The Georgia offense is a man who has a bazooka but he just swings it at your knees until your patella cracks.The Florida offense is also a man with a bazooka, but he didn’t bother checking to see which end is which