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Pull for the Pettiness


COLLEGE FOOTBALL: NOV 30 Georgia at Georgia Tech Photo by David John Griffin/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Two things today for this FanPulse Top 25. Of course we have the Top 25, where Alabama fell to 9th after a perfect storm of derp in West Georgia...again. Sigh.

The second is a modest proposal that I shall run by you, gentle reader. With football fans undoubtedly facing a cromulent, vile cast of characters in this season’s playoff, bitter and/or sad and/or disappointed Alabama fans still have a lifeline — rooting for pettiness.

This has undoubtedly been the best season in modern LSU football history, arguably better than 2011. Whereas that team was led by defense, this one is powered by an offense that finally jumped in the TARDIS and moved up to 2005.

So, what better way for an Alabama fan to enjoy the next few weeks than to hope that, like that 2011 Tigers team, this version also falls flat in its biggest moments. Few things would give me more pleasure than watching the Tigers hang a sad, lonely 2019 SEC West banner in Tiger Stadium — and nothing else. And, we are remarkably close to seeing that happen too.

Here’s what you need to root for and why:

  • Georgia gums up the SEC Championship game and springs the upset. In terms of the national picture, LSU is playing for very little on Saturday, aside from a conference title. They lose this game, they won’t drop below 3rd, probably swapping places with Clemson — head-to-head against UGA be damned. No way does the committee put LSU and OSU as a first round matchup, not when the two have been the best teams this season. Nor will the committee rematch the SECCG in the first round. They’ll take their chances with a possible (and highly improbable) all-SEC CFP Championship Game. The Bulldogs meanwhile are playing for their postseason lives. This punches their ticket as the No. 4 seed — sorry, you just can’t wash the stank of the ‘Cocks off you, Kirby. And, yeah, this sends the Utes and Dirt Burglars/Bears packing. So, take that P12 and B12.
  • Georgia gets blasted by Ohio State in the first round. And, along the way, Fromm looks terrible while Justin Fields plays remarkably well. If you’re going to twist the knife, twist the knife all the way, baby. This is not at all implausible either.
  • LSU blows the doors off Clemson. This shuts up Dabo, as he’s forced to play a competent team with athletes for literally the first time all season. This again is not at all implausible. This also give the LSU Tigers fans an entire week of excitement and hope...particularly if Joe Burrow wins the Heisman.
  • Ohio State runs the LSU Tigers off the field in a grisly rout. Ohio State has been the best team in the country all season. Period. Someone has to win this thing, so it may as well be the pillar-to-post best team. Ohio State has, with Alabama and Georgia, consistently pulled in the most talent of any team in the nation the last half decade. So, it would not exactly be unexpected. Chase Young would devour that terrible offensive line, and the Tigers’ defense probably can’t earn enough big stops in a game where scoring will be required.

What we have then is the following:

  • Georgia wins SEC title — Sure, it sucks, but someone has to. It may as well not be a team in Alabama’s division.
  • LSU’s best season ever ends with a few individual awards, a meaningless divisional crown, and absolutely no titles.
  • No SEC team wins a national title, which of course would be bad for business here in Tuscaloosa.
  • Georgia’s lack of playmakers, especially at the quarterback position, is exposed by the very guy that Kirby mismanaged and ran out of town. He also gets to perpetuate that choker label that he’s working very assiduously to craft. Justin Fields instantly becomes the 2020 Heisman frontrunner too, while the Bulldogs stare in horrified awe at another 50% Jake Fromm day.
  • The P12 and B12 are left out again, because those are trash conferences with fraudulent ranked teams.
  • Dabo spends 8 months whining about how tough the ACC is, while hanging up a meaningless ACC banner in that hillbilly hellmouth.

And we can begin our travels to gaining all of these #blessings, with one simple thing — Georgia playing their way in on Saturday.

Yes that means our happiness — or at least mine — is dependent on ole’ Kirby to get it done in a big game...and that may be the biggest fool’s folly of them all. But, if it happened? My goodness, would among the best offseasons ever for an Alabama fan not able to celebrate a title of our own.

So, pull for the pettiness, and Go Dawgs! Arp Arp Arp!


Are you going to pull for the pettiness?

This poll is closed

  • 53%
    My body is ready for this!
    (238 votes)
  • 20%
    Nah, I just can’t. Not with Kirby. Not for Ohio State
    (93 votes)
  • 6%
    I’m an LSU/Clemson/OU/P12 fan and think you’re just being a bad sport and a dick
    (31 votes)
  • 18%
    Other pettiness
    (81 votes)
443 votes total Vote Now