clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

RBR Haiku Contest — Enter our Cowardly Tigers Edition and you can win a Tua Bobblehead!

Seriously, get this Dolphins filth out of my house

If you buy something from an SB Nation link, Vox Media may earn a commission. See our ethics statement.

The Prize: What’s At Stake!

The folks at FOCO were kind enough to supply the awesome merch that sponsors this contest.

Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa is already passing tests — he is 3-0 as a starter, hasn’t thrown an interception yet, has already lead a fourth-quarter comeback, and has had a game-winning drive outdueling once and future nemesis, Kyler Murray (scornfully known around these parts as the Ewok who stole Tua’s Heisman.) Tagovailoa the first rookie QB in NFL history to throw 5 or more total TDs in his first three starts, and do so without an interception, and win them all.

In other words, Tua doing Tua things.

So, if you are a Tua ‘stan, as I know you are, then check out this new piece of memorabilia for Tua and Dolphins’ fans.

The officially licensed, limited-edition Tua Tagovailoa bobblehead with TUA RIDING A MO’FO DOLPHIN.

If you don’t win, it’s no big deal. You can still BUY this official Tua Tagovailoa bobblehead. Just. Click. HERE.

FOCO also has other licensed, limited edition bobbleheads featuring ‘Bama players. Henry Ruggs III in his Raiders bathrobe? Jerry Jeudy being smoother than melted butter? Tua’s draft night Hawaiian suit and lei? Tua wearing that iconic No. 13 crimson jersey with the Script A in the background? Seriously, check them out. And thanks again, FOCO! I actually did buy the Tua Script A bobblehead for myself for Christmas (it’s allegedly from my kid, but she won’t know what she got me until Christmas morning). And, when it arrives, it will be placed proudly in my Gump Shrine.

The Contest: Cowardly Tigers Haiku

I don’t think I am alone by any stretch in thinking that every word that comes out of Ed Orgeron’s mouth about the indefinitely-postponed Alabama game is a lie. A falsehood. A prevarication. Takes license with the truth. Stretches the boundaries of credulity. Nutria-wrapped deceit. Mushmouthed BS.

Yes, I am an LSU ‘Rona Truther.

And for the past week the LSU Tigers — after talking a whole buncha’ s*** last season over a 5-point win for the first time in almost a decade — have rightly taken heat on social media from fans, from outside observers, and from Tide players now in the pros. No one believes the goons in Baton Rouge. Postponement only helps the Tigers, and cancellation is even better — this game is both teams’ closing case before the 2021 NSD Early Signing Period, and getting 65 dropped on you at home is no way to convince anyone that LSU is his best option to win.

So, yes. The whole thing smells. All of it.

Given that belief, as well as LSU having an historically terrible season for a defending champ, I believe in kicking a man when he’s down. So this week we’ll do just that...

  • Give us your best Ed O / LSU / Cancellation hot take in haiku form.
  • Vote on your favorites below. The most-liked one will get the Tua Ridin’ a MF’n Dolphin Bobblehead.
  • Enter as many times as you want.
  • RBR staff are free to enter (I shall not, however. As a lifelong Bills fan, I just can’t with the Fish). This a democratic ballot that we can’t rig #NoPolitics.
  • Must post your entry in the comments below. That means you must have joined the site. Sorry, them’s the rules.
  • The Contest will end at Noon Central, Friday November 20th.
  • Please get this thing out of my house. Not for one second longer than necessary do I want filthy Miami Dolphins merch in my home.
  • Good luck, and may the odds forever be in your favor.

Get to scribbling!