NSFW: “It’s Meltdown Time!” Greatest Hits, Volume Four

This was a special edition of Meltdown Time back in 2011, as Oklahoma State became the first team to make the cut following a victory. It wasn’t just any old win, either. We’re talking about a blowout over rival Oklahoma to finish the season 11-1.

Alas, not enough voters felt that they had proven themselves better than Alabama and boy, were they angry.

Of course, as you might imagine, watching the Sooners get lambasted by little brother with the whole country watching didn’t sit well with land thief nation. Texas lost to Baylor and they are also included here, but the Horns were beaten down by that point in the season and really went through the motions by their lofty meltdown standards.

To make this one extra special, we are also going to include Alabama’s meltdown during the Bedlam game, as so many Tide fans were convinced that Oklahoma’s ineptitude would leave the Tide on the outside looking in. Just imagine the stress that these fanbases would have been spared had the four team playoff been in place at that time. Call that a feature if you want, but I’m voting for bug.

As always, this post has horrendous language to include multiple violations of the community guidelines. It’s shocking, really. If you are at all easily offended - like seriously, at all - then please read no further. My mailbox is all full up on hate mail.

Disclaimers disclaimed, let’s get started. First, Alabama fans watching Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State:

That fucking plane crash didn’t mean shit to that football game. Fuck you Holly, you slut

”Our 80 year old pilot crashed our 60 year old plane PUT US IN THE BCS TITLE GAME!!!!!!”

These helmets look like props from the Wonder Years show

fuck his whore mother

the left front wheel on the bus is looking real loose

This is off to a flaming bag of dicks

let’s let Blackmon catch the ball wide fuckin open... i’m tired of all this Ted Roof shit

It’s what happens when other teams run the train on them

Well T Boone Pickens can suck a bag of dicks

Then I’m jumping off the fucking Brooklyn Bridge

Star Jackson could do better

fuck the turf monster

I’m starting to think Auburn QB’s are better than Landry Jones

OU showed up to the gangbang with a limp dick

and no fluffer in site

Pissing all over Box’s memory

Fuck you Landry Jones you piece of shit

We’re more fucked than a retiring pornstar

Got room up on that bridge for 2?

Give this whole goddamn state back to the Indians

Sooners are tossing some Poke salad to troll us

The anti-rematch twits are coming out of the woodwork. Quick, where’s the pesticide!

Stoops. That pouty-lipped tubby fuck. We gifted that cocksucker 2 victories in the early 2000s for THIS?

Bout to crank up my chainsaw

Sharks? More like fucking guppies

This sucks Sandusky’s balls

Glad I wasted $475 reserving a ticket for the McElwain Bowl. Brilliant playcalling last Nov. 5th, you FUCKING IDIOT!

If I were President I swear to God I’d do fuckin’ nuclear testing on this shithole.

How much are Sugar Bowl tickets going for?

Same as the GofuckyourselfStoops.com Bowl

The ’Pokes are stump training OU… I swear somebody playing a banjo.

Field goal for OU. What fuckin’ deity do I have to blow for three measly goddamn points?

I wouldn’t want that fuck-knob as an equipment manager!

This is like living in the goddamn Old Testament

I thought we got out of the wilderness years when we hired Saban

You pouty lipped Okie. I’m gonna have your fucking kneecaps on display at the Smithsonian if we get fucked out of the BCSNCG.

I just pissed in my neighbor’s yard to help Bama’s chances. Risk arrest… you’ll nevah take me ahlive coppahs!!!

There IS an anti-rematch crowd that probably has Karl Fucking Rove as it’s chief lobbyist!

And when the computadoras go ape-shit-gaga over OSU like they are Mars of Gods of War?

You fuckers are being far too rational here, when most Harris Poll voters will drown in the creamsicle Kool-Aid.

OU is officially the pivot man in this circle JERK!

But they were on the road in bumfuck Iowa to fired up college kids rooting for their schools biggest upset ever.

And in case you forgot in the last 10 minutes, their goddamn plane crashed too!

I’d motorboat Holly Rowe to get Alabama to 2012 BCSNCG in Nola.

I’d hit it pink and all

FUCK YOU LANDRY JONES

This mothjer fucker has money on lswho winning the nc. Fuck your wjore mother

the wrong Oklahoma player died this offseason

My 12 month old son is better than Landry fucking Jones

See you in the Canadian Football League, you fuckin’ tosser!

JESUS CHRIST SOMEONE KILL ME RIGHT FREAKING NOW Shit I hate OU those cock sucking fuckups

Way to go all bama bangs qb there

I just.... I have nothing to say, except FUCK YOU MCELWAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Run the goddamn trick play again asshole!

we will not play for the BCS NC BECAUSE WE DIDN’T RECRUIT A MOTHER FUCKING KICKER THAT CAN MAKE A FIELD GOAL FROM MORE THAN 40 YARDS.

Fuck football.

Cade fucking Foster, this is all because of you. All this stress, all this heartbreak…

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckshitfuck goddamn dicklicking cuntfucks

This game is no officially a crime scene

I’m officially on the conspiracy bandwagon

A brilliant football writer was found dead in the Hudson River. On him was found a sign that simply read, “Bob Stoops is a pants shitter!”

My worst nightmare was having nut cancer. It’s now a distance #2.

Well the jumping Bama train has left the station

OU left a peanut-laden turd in the punchbowl.

Fuck you landry jones and your dirty ass mexican style mustache.

eat.a.damn.dick. fuck me running

fucking Virginia Tech is finished. Touchdown motherpissfuckassfucking Clemson right as I fucking damn type.

OU came to this game with a tube of lube and assless chaps

Fuck whatever happens to us. I will bury that hell in a special part of my soul, but fuck ou and anyone who wants to bolster yo sad asses. Y’all bitches are useless

Neurosyphillis is more fun than watching Oklahoma choke on a big dick

Can we strip Dabo of his degree?

anyone know how much money landry Jones’ agent Cecil Newton got him to take a giant crap on this game? $180,001?

I’m fucking turning this late-term abortion off. Going to go home, maybe watch some Fringe or play some Wow. Looks like we might be playing in the Sugar Bowl. Can’t pull for LSU or these fudge packing cowboys… guess I’ll pull for Al Qaeda.

Well I guess we won’t have our postgame BCS celebration thread tonight!

LANDRY JONES WITH THE FUCKING FLOP! Grow a pair you pussy…damn I know you play in the vagina confernece and all but stay on your feet….

Just fuck me with a big green slimy donkey dick

This is one of those games that convinces people sports are rigged

HOLY SHIT THIS GODFORSAKEN PILE OF SHIT IN OKLAHOMA. THE WHOLE STATE OF OKLAHOMS IS WORTHLESS

I will not fucking calm down

Fuck the Sugar Bowl. Every turn of fate tonight makes me hate that unimaginative bitch McElwain more than ever. He probably would have fucked up the NCG if given half the chance anyway. 1966, 1977, 2011, etc, etc…Fuck this season and every cent & second I spent on it.

Big fucking deal. They blow out Oklahoma. We blew out Vandy. Same fucking thing

oklahoma getting sanduskied tonight... what a shame

Stoops should just retire. He’s swindling money like Madoff now.

Big Game Bob my asymmetrical sagging ass. Well named @ Chokelahoma

Landry Jones fumbles a pass on the first play of the second half. How much did tboone pay him in the tunnel outside the locker at half??

Even Auburn and Tennessee hasn’t played this goddamn bad

Stoops taking the cowboy cock like Heath Ledger in Brokeback

we walked right into a chainsaw

I’m new..Roll tide,and this shit looks rigged

THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE EYEFUCKED! Swallow 10,000 bags of flaming dicks stoops

If we don’t get in the national title and Trent loses the Heisman I’m moving to Canada.

Landry Jones is a bought-and-paid-for faggot

LSU would hand it to them harder than sandusky in a shower.

Now I understand why that Box kid took all those meds

Gundy finally gave Stoops a drop of Astroglide. Just a drop

how am I supposed to sleep tonight? I’m taking a xanax

I blame Austin Box. You heard me.

Gundy sounds like a retard. He’s got as much chance at getting 39 on LSU as he does waking up with a 12 inch dick.

Asking Boob Stoops to win a big game is like asking me to fuck you gently with a chainsaw.

Fuck the periodic table!

Fuck the kitchen table!

Fuck the water table! (and fuck Harvey!)

Gundy Can Eat A Dick. All these mother effers on ESPN and stuff are tweeting that OSU is the undoubted contender…and it pisses me off that people are using the excuse of “we lost cause we had a coach die” crap. No disrespect meant, but how is that a valid excuse to lose to a shitwad of a team in iowa state? fuck the ignorant minds of people everywhere…fuck em fuck em

Goddamn this mother fucking cocksucking piece of motherfucking shit of a season. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, that was rough. Of course, those frowns were turned upside down on Sunday when it was revealed that Alabama would indeed get the chance to embarrass LSU in New Orleans. In the second part, the Pokes open up and are followed by Texas and then Oklahoma. You’re welcome, and Roll Tide.

Fucking shit ass piss. Nick saban is a child molesting serial killer assfuck who is the equivalent of hitler. Go tigers

I’m going to drive to Birmingham, find Elmwood Cemetary and piss on the bears grave. And I hope les miles dies of cancer

god just suck saban off already, espn.

College football is the equivalent of OPEC. IT’S AN EFFING CARTEL!!!

Fiesta Bowl is so fucking gay. Not as gay as bama, but pretty fucking gay

I always knew that Paul Rhodes would eventually RUIN FOOTBALL FOREVER

Also, RBR is the most vile pathetic website on the Internet. Classless assholes. Fuck them all.

Call your congressman. This is an outrage. Can we get a congressional investigation here?

Fuck the system!

All the top ESPN BCS show talking heads are Bama Alums!

Fuck nick saban. A horrible human being

I need sponsors... For OCCUPY BCS. All I need is a steady stream of red stripe and pizza. Maybe a lawn chair….

Who’d figure…Craig James came across as semi human tonight. Everybody else, soul-less mother fucking cock suckers

Nation Boycotts over LSU-Bama rematch game coming... just wait and see...

It’s a fucking cesspool right now and they can’t or won’t police themselves so its time for a higher authority to step in and force them to. Don’t give me this ant-government b.s. in place of argument as to why we should not have a playoff system.

T Boone needs to go file an injunction with a Federal Court. That would stop everything until it could be ruled on

ala Mr. Smith goes to Washington

If this were Hollywood the dude who is Ricky Bobby’s dad would be nick fuckin saban. What a gouache bag.

I’m waiting for somebody to photoshop an SEC penis in an Espn analyst’s mouth

Fuck the BCS and ESPN. Boycott the sonsabitches.

like a car wreck. You just can’t look away from the carnage

Don’t. Boyvott the whole goddamned thing

Nobody feed the troll...N8ture Boy has SEC cum all in his mouth

We are so powerless in so many facets of our lives, everything from the economy, taxes, collapse of the middle class, and lessening of our basic rights, that sometimes it just feels good to be able to find an outlet where we can blow a gasket over something like a sporting event.

Boone did say that he would pay for an investigation of the NCAA if the pokes ended up being snubbed from the title game. Let’s get some support behind T. Boone to get the investigation started. It smells like fish to me; LSU vs Bama rematch…

Just announced Madonna is performing at the Super Bowl. Football is dead at all levels

Don’t piss ‘em off, or they’ll head to Stillwater and fill Theta Pond with antifreeze.

Why do the football Gods hate us?

This game was like one long pitbull commercial.

I’ll just drown my sorrows later in some margaritas and remind myself it could be worse we could be aggy

Was at the game today. That stadium sucks so much dick, Baylor fans are weird and cult like and rush to eat free cookies at halftime instead of drinking. Their students are pathetic looking. Fuck that place sucks. Also our team sucks balls. All around shitty performance . Today sucked.

If we hired Les Miles I’d burn my fucking diploma.

4th and 5? throw a fade to a fucking midget.

wow, baylor finally gets a call against them.....fuck those baptist fucks.

Getting my astroglide out...

Stroke victims have stronger arms than Case McCoy.

LOLOLOLOL!!! Please transfer you idiot. Thanks for the 25 yard scramble. Now go fuck yourself.

Case: Go sit on the fucking cold wet bench and wait for Sandusky. You fucking suck.

case couldn’t even fucking hit puberty if he tried

Awful fucking throw, you fucking noodle armed girl.

All I want for Christmas is a QB worth a half of shit. No, a quarter of shit would work.

I guess we go to the fagget-assed shit bowl in NYC. Great.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit methamphetamines....

Baylor Dline sitting offsides for two seconds. Espinosa too busy eating shit to snap the ball.

Is Mack lactating?

Motherfucking shit! I hate that fucking noodle arm. Get in the fucking weight room.

Goddam where do these fucking qbs come from?!!?

Horns down? I hope you blow out your knee and don’t get a degree, motherfucker Predator wannabe.

Motherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfucker

Fucking espinoza you fucking mexican shit. (no racist)

Baylor is putting more men in the box than, I don’t know, some chick who fucks a lot of guys (I’m not up on pop culture references).

our offensive line is worse at letting people in than the texas border patrol

Shoot yourself, Gideon.

It finally hit me, when Cody J runs he looks like one of those electric vibrating football games

go suck on a tailpipe you assmunch troll cunt

Wow, prolific offense. Now if Gideon will just get his head out of his pussy......

jeez this looks like a normal Texas baylor game, except the wrong team is donkey fucking

Jeremy Hills did a pound of PCP before the game.

Oh shit.I feel the innernetz breaking.

This game is going to be a big shit sandwich and we are all going to have to take a bite

fuckinf fuck fuck fyuckifmnreiuitehjui i live practically on fucking campus and i cant fuckin watch thisrtuqegtinhuirgt6ikvndu FUCK EVRYONE INVOLVED IN THIS BS

Brandon Weeden can’t wait to go home and tell his great grandchildren about their win.

The sheep in Payne county are taking cover.

Maybe Landry will become a pilot and fly OSU charters this offseason...

What a fucking pussy move running out of bounds, this team isn’t nothing but a bunch of god damn pussies.

gonna beat off to some midget porn maybe i’ll feel better

Landry has scored less in this game than he has with his fiancé.

I’m glad Mike Sherman was available to help us with the half-time adjustments.

Hey we’ll get them next year!....Oh god, we are aggy!

Fucking Alabama would beat this team by 67 points!!

Maybe we can bring in Norv Turner as a consultant?

The Horse-pig should just blow his head off after tonight

T Boone wont need no viagra tonight

Fuq. Dat nigga committed to god damn UAB. God damn UAB. Fuck you Rondell Herman. Going for the 1532 ranked one-star fullback now.

would rather be watching twilight

Well, I think it’s safe to say we are not the best team in Oklahoma this year. We’re getting a cowboy boot broke off in our ass tonight. We look so soft.

And to think, this is the same Sooner team that kicked the fuck out of Ball State. Oh how the mighty have fallen!

Let’s go triple option with Bell. So we don’t lose by a million

”Blatnik...causes a lot of havoc”—yeah, like breaking beer bottles over the heads of frat douches.

Clearly Venables made some solid adjustments at the half... it’s taken them four plays to get to midfield.

So is Bob Stoops the the next Phil Fullmer, Bobby Bowden or Mack Brown?

Someone pour gatorade on Stoops... we avoid the shutout!!!

No, pour it on Venebles. Maybe he’ll get pnemonia and expire

if there were one or two more games in the season, we’d end up in Shreveport again.

Fuck it, I’m going to play Skyrim

Who’s wearing #12 in the Nobody Gives a Crap.Com bowl?