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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Tide and ‘Horns sound off

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Our latest revelry in the misery of... ourselves?

Alabama v Texas A&M Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

For this week’s Meltdown Time, we have what all of the fanbases of poor college football teams that are accustomed to losing have been waiting for: Alabama. Texas also had to be featured after blowing a huge lead to rival Oklahoma, but you know what? That’s enough. If nothing else, the Aggies should have a ball with this one, and good for them.

I didn’t even look at Auburn. After surviving Georgia State they couldn’t have been expecting much. LSU lost to Kentucky, but so what? LSU sucks and have already been here twice. We could put 17 different versions of “fire everyone” on here again, but I think it’s good policy that conference doormats be excluded from meltdown festivities, and that is exactly what they are at this point.

Oh, and speaking of LSU, we read through tons of message board comments in order to compile these pieces for you, and there are a few Tigah fans out there who are still very upset that, apparently, old friend Brice who used to handle this silly post had real life intervene the week of the 2019 LSU loss and thus didn’t do a Bama meltdown. I didn’t even realize that had happened, but for those of you out there who have filed such complaints:

2019 feels like decades ago, doesn’t it?

Aight, that’s enough babbling. On to it. As always, the language is horrific and offensive. If that bothers you, please read no further. You have been warned. The rest of you amoral rubberneckers, enjoy.

Where’d the defense from last week go? Are they back in Tucasloosa?

I swear

this team gives me bad 2010 vibes.

Put a fucking flag on the qb this is ridiculous

Fuck refs fuck atm fuckem all.

Oh my god, our defense is making Calzone look GOOD.

Making 50% Calzone look like Tom Brady

typical

Oh. We’re just going to make Calzada look like Manziel, eh?

Bye bye defense, nice knowing you

[monkey_fucking_football.gif]

Fire Golding

I’m legit sick of this shit

Of course their OL is holding… a lot. But the secondary better get their heads out of their asses.

Shouldhavegottenthelivechicken.gif

1sr. 2d, 3d & Golding. Fuck.

The Aggie offense is broken, Bama here to fix it tonight

This game is definitely going to fuck me up.

like shit through a tin horn

Just push our shit in, fam

Can somebody fucking tackle? Pathetic.

aTm now beating us worse than they did Colorado

Colorado

Let that sink in

Can we borrow that cannon from UT?

So we can fire gelding from it

We have given up 17 points to texas am in the first quarter

Fuck my ass with a cactus

All of the sudden Calzada morphs into the second coming of Joe Montana

Saban and Gelding need to keep it on a special ed kind of simple with this defense

It’s meltdown time

Jimbo is playing chess and gelding is playing with butterflys

I don’t see us doing anything special going forward.

Hopefully Texas AM chokes like their Austin fuck-buddies.

I miss “Who-Farted-Face” Jimbo

Hopefully Bama can bring that face back in the second half.

The Bama bed is covered in shit right now.

Is the offensive gameplan “fuck it”?

Because after that first drive BoB is fucking it up.

Erik’s just itching to copy-paste that pre-written told-ya-so BoB-rant.

So much for hitting the sack at 1/2

actually, I might go take a hammer to my balls, so…disregard

Our Defense has me so pissed

I want to fu¢k a beehive

So #HireElko?

We look like shit floating in piss.

This team lost to Arky and Clanga

And are boat racing us like we were nothing.

Wait, so Jimbo was serious when he said he was going to beat our asses? Damn, quite the plot twist.

I hate getting little sisters who only play for our game

79 you fucking retard

Owens is a goddamn liability

Can we exchange unused timeouts for points? Is that a thing?

RUN THE BALL AT FIRST AND GOAL YOU BOB-BLEHEADED FUCK

Johnny Fucking Calzone

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

We fucked up and got fucked....

…and got what we deserved…

I have a feeling

We are going to be one of the teams on our own he meltdown thread

Watching prolapse porn would be better than this bullshit

lol, fucking clown show in the trenches

Refs: “Poor OU was forced to move to the SEC by Texas.”

I hope someone slashes the refs’ tires.

If we know what’s coming imagine what a defensive coordinator is telling ou right now

This O line needs to stop with the little dick energy

Fire Sark. Now. On the sideline at the Cotton Bowl. This is fucking on him.

90 recruits at the game just said, “Nope!”

Another week of watching a team that makes me want to slam my dick in a car door.

I don’t even know what to say. We have an entire team of pussies on the lines. No one squanders 4 and 5 star “talent” quite like us.

Strong => Herman => Sark

Same shit, different coach.

Rolling over and showing our pussy.

Maybe college football just isn’t our thing

I don’t know how you guys can blame Sark for this. He didn’t recruit these Swiss cheese bitch o-linemen.

Sark is a pussy. The Arkansas game showed that. A mediocre team completely buttfucked us and he refused to make the QB change. We beat shitty TCU and Tech and so many forgot about that. Herman 2.0. Get ready. We aren’t ready to step on the throat of an opponent who is begging us to put them down.

The special teams fuck ups on kick returns is inexcusable. What is Jeff Banks doing?

Fuck this team.

So glad gameday decided to come so we can shit all over ourselves on primetime

Our colon just prolapsed.

Remember, this almost happened in 2018. But Sam and Dicker saved us down the stretch. Today’s loss was way more gut wrenching than any of those Black Saturday butt fuckings. these losses just rip your soul out.

I think Sark and Flood are going to have to do a wholesale rebuild of the OL going forward. I’m not sure these guys are good enough to fill out a Division II roster right now.

FUCK SARK!!!! There is NO silver lining to this shit. Unacceptable.

So fucking tired of feeling like we have to be a lot better than all other teams because they’re playing chess and we’re playing with our dicks in the corner trying to figure out how they work.

Y’all are fucking pussies, and crying and blaming the coach because you’re fucking idiot fuckfaces that have cognitive capacities similar to a fucking amoeba.

The fact is that Sark took a team with clearly inferior players, opened up a lead, but was undone because he has shit options at OLine and a dearth of athleticism on defense.

I’d twll you to stop being fucking losers with shitty understandings of what it takes to win football games, but you’re fucking morons, and that’s what morons do.