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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Aggies, Tigahs, and Gators

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The latest edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others.

Auburn v LSU Photo by Jonathan Bachman/Getty Images

Another week, and another edition of “It’s Meltdown Time!” This week we have three worthy fanbases, though Ole Miss is not one of them. I dug around and couldn’t find a whole lot of commentary from Ole Miss fans in general, let alone meltdowns. In any case, we have some solid content.

We open up this week with a Texas A&M fanbase that has earned the dubious honor of being featured back to back. This week’s loss to Mississippi State was simply too much to bear, and the dread of a looming Alabama beatdown is palpable. QB Zach Calzada and coach Jimbo Fisher are drawing the bulk of the ire, and BAS (Battered Aggie Syndrome) makes its first appearance in the 2021 meltdown series. We’ve missed you, BAS.

Next up, LSU will never be OK losing to Auburn at home. I don’t know exactly how many supporters Ed Orgeron has left, but I have a good idea of how many are willing to admit it in public. Last, Florida lost at Kentucky for the first time in 35 years, and the fans handled it about as well as you’d expect.

As always, the language below is abhorrent. If you are easily offended in any way, please read no further. You have been warned.

The rest of you amoral rubberneckers, enjoy.

Could this season be the most frustratiing season ever?

1. Seeing our QB getting thrown around like a rag doll by a hapless Colorado Defense, only to have him knocked out of the majority of the season to be replaced by a disappointing backup. 2. Witnessing the SEC backstab us and let the sips into the conference. 3. Wondering why our 4/5 star players are getting smoked by Arky 3 stars. 4. Watching Ole Miss roll up points like crazy while our offense can barely score a TD per game. 5. Waiting for BAMA to go in dry at night at Kyle (again).

Aggies: We don’t reload, we relapse!

BAS is the emotional equivalent of herpes, a chronic, discomforting malady that recurs with every stressful, disappointing loss.

This one was winnable, but we couldn’t close the deal.

Next week will look like prison rape.

Our OL is still hot garbage and Calzada needs to be publicly shamed, GOT style.

We are the new Arkansas...

I think we have him under contract until he’s 85 years old. But im guessing if he comes close to making the playoff again, we will add another 15 years making him 100 when he retires.

We won’t, we won’t rock you...

Calzada should never put on an A&M jersey ever again.

He is, without question, the WORST QB I have ever seen. And I was there for Jeff Granger.

We are phyucking terrible

It will be funny to watch Jimbo interrupt the questions in the presser following this clusterfuck.

My only entertainment for the night was when they showed that ratty looking grackle and my wife (no rule 1) said “that fucking bird looks worse than our quarterback.”

Our offense looks like the Biden administration.

Fuckng clown show.

I’m tired of you Jimbo

You’re a salesman not a coach

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! WE GAVE HIM A RAISE FOR THIS PRODUCT ON THE FIELD?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Can we get Sherman or Sumlin back please?

Jimbo has a strange look on the sideline. Kind of like he knows the gig is up. The world has just discovered that he is a complete fraud masquerading as an elite football coach.

We bid against ourselves, when absolutely no one was trying to steal Jimbo from us… 9.5 Million/yr for complete trash football. Bout as Aggie as it gets.

We drop out of top 25, Texas is in……Leach beats off on Kyle Field at night on the 50.

$ / win

We gonna be #1

Alabama looking good heading into their bye week.

Fran 2.0. Jimbo road crab stealer. Fran road LT. both got pay days from A&M. Jimbo is worse. Everything is more expensive bc of Jimbo. Can’t stand that dude and hope he quits like Meyer.

Hello Darkness my old friend.

We were not destined to enjoy football. We were destined to suffer. The only path to peace entails divorcing oneself from one’s hope of football success.

We got Bama where we want them.

Before the season they were pointing to our game as the biggest game of the season. Now they will overlook us and focus on Mississippi State and Arkansas coming up. Jimbo’s going to open up the playbook and Bama will never know what hit them.

Jimbo is the equivalent of Coach O just slightly easier to understand when speaking .

Where Would We Be With Leach?

***** Official Alabama Post Game Meltdown Thread *****

Just getting it up here in advance.

I thought Jimbo had cured my BAS, but turns out it is back and worse than ever. And I’m pretty sure this time it’s permanent. Hello, darkness.

Who is going to watch Saban come to town next week?

I’ll probably measure each blade of grass instead

Bama is going to go full fist

Past the elbow on us

Disband the team.

Not going to lie, would save me so much time and heartache each weekend.

Our coaches should be put in prison for that performance.

Of course next week Saban gets a conjugal visit.

Those Bama tickets were expensive. I could have:

Made my car faster

Bought those new mods for my motorcycle

Gone somewhere on vacation

For the same experience I can just flush the money down the toilet and had someone kick me in the junk.

Jimbo’s calling his daddy tonight to beg for forgiveness next Saturday.

You try to tell the pumpers the simple fact that our D has played nobody so calling them elite is premature while depending on rookies and back ups on O means no success in the SEC and they cry like a 4 year old who just got told Santa isnt real

But as always

Next Year

I’m here to drunk guess which comment ends up on the bama meltdown page

I feel nothing

(note: apparently in Lee County, “relentless defense” means no pass rush and managing to catch a desperation 4th down heave thrown to open grass, when the correct play would have been to bat it down)

The whole “LSU has more talent than everyone else” thought is such a lazy dumbass thing.

LSU does not have an SEC offensive line. Our linebackers are weak as fuck. TDP is not really that talented of a RB. Our roster is not even close to the most talented around.

Orgeron doesn’t make it out of October and Ensminger will be the figure head through November. This situation needs to be rectified quickly for recruiting purposes.

Our shrimp boat captain is taking on more water than the Titanic.

Check in if you lived through Curley Hallman

I can’t believe some of you bought into O’s love for LSU. Ed is full of BS

1) he quit LSU after 2 weeks as a player2) he recruited against LSU for most of his career3) he chose to go work for Kiffin at Tennessee when he had an offer from Miles in hand

Yet LSU is where he always wanted to be. Ed is a fraud, a liar, and a man of below average intelligence and integrity. He’s weak minded. He had a great 2019 and somehow thought he was a genius all of the sudden. His biggest negotiation tactic was to make sure he had a big buyout because he knew he’d fucking fail. It is in this aspect that he was actually pretty slick. Fire the dirty bastard for cause.

At least with Les we had an identity.. right or wrong. We had a loveable recognizably entertaining clown dumbass coaching; you knew we were going to attempt to play smash mouth football with strong defense and try to wear the opponent down. Didn’t always have the best results, but at least we had an identity.

I’m sick of this garbage O era. End it now please. I hope we get skull-drug by Kentucky and Woodward leaves him in Lexington. Maybe he can go see BDJ an hour away the next day and pretend it’s 2019

-Too stupid to realize what’s going on

-same worn out expressions after every loss

-Teams Is completely average to below average In every phase

-team plays with no heart

-empty seats

Les was a phony and an idiot. O is O and an idiot. I just want someone who isn’t an idiot.

Our head coach cares more about chasing skirts than he does coaching a football team

O and LSU are a bad marriage.

2019 is the kid. You can’t regret getting married because you love your kid, but that doesn’t mean you should stay in a relationship that doesn’t work.

And yea divorces are expensive, but worth it.

All the CFB shows showing Bo Nix running through LSU’s D like he is Techmo Bowl Bo Jackson

One thing Ed Orgeron has in common with Urban Meyer

They both seem far more interested in mounting blond skanks than mounting wins these days.

I hope Coach O catches the clap.

That’s it football is no longer my main entertainment for the weekend. I have had it with the tigers and Saints.they are a waste of time spending to much money on this kind of product

That game was a big ol shit burger

Oeaux has gotta Geaux

The end

Holy shit, how the FUCK do you come into Tiger Stadium, at night, with a prime time game and fucking piss it away like that?

Derek, where in the fucking binder does it talk about lackluster recruiting and fucking losing to Auburn at home for the first time since ‘99??? Fucking river boat captain mother fucker.

We suck. Maybe Kentucky will twist the knife and Fucking end this buffoon’s career.

He employs felons to a state funded position, bangs coeds under his chain of command, rakes in millions and has zero accountability. There are 25 high school coaches in Louisiana who could do a better job.

This defense is a goddamn embarrassment

Bo Nix got benched vs. GEORGIA STATE

He’d win the Heisman and be the #1 overall pick if he played LSU every game.

they gonna smoke cigars on our field

and blow smoke in O’s face

This thread gave me AIDS

There is no getting back to the top until Saban retires. Just be a top 15 program until that happens. I’ve come to accept this.

This is embarrassing.

From start to finish. I’m sick.

Never made an adjustment on the stupid clapping your hands, false starts. Fuck Mullen, Grantham, Hevesy and Stricklin

His cocky ass holier than tho bullshit personality got the best of him. They got the ball to start the half why wouldn’t you try to run a few plays and maybe score? That was just plane stupid.

Mullen ain’t a championship coach. He’s happy to win 8-9 games to keep his job. There are very few Urbans and Sabans out there. Daddy issues enough where they go all in.

Can’t say Citrus without an “F”.

We’ve been transformed into the Mississippi State of the SEC East. Although MSU has a better win than we do.

He looked pleased as punch when he ran over to shake hands with Stoops. Just a’grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ a sweet potato. When you don’t care, it doesn’t matter where you are.

Sigh… We’ve been relegated to the Roll of spoiler…

Rick Moranus

We are becoming Tennesee.

Yep board is known as sunshine pumpers.

I fell for this shit with chump and butters but no more.

Thank you Dan Mullen, now the rest of the season really doesn’t matter. Good luck on telling everybody to show up because it isn’t happening after you took such a lackadaisical effort in losing to an average Kentucky team.

Signed,

Every Gator Fan

I have gotta find a way to quit getting so emotionally involved in this shit.

I just drank a fifth of tequilla too tryy and drwon myy srrows. Soo I tihnk ill bee sayyn gnite too youze guze

I need to swing my mood from wanting to kill everyone and everything in front of me

After the game I thought Mullen was going to turn his head and reveal, after pulling off a mask that it was Muschamp.

I wonder what it would cost to lure Chip Kelly away from UCLA. Or Scott Frost away from Nebraska.

A loss and no underboob shots, just a terrible night.

What a horrible day for football. Sorry liver