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NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! ‘Horns, Hawkeyes, Harbaugh

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The latest edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others.

Michigan v Michigan State Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Week 9 produced some quality meltdown material from returnees Texas and Iowa, plus the first appearance from the Michigan Wolverines. Texas fans were holding out hope for a bounce back win over Baylor that didn’t come. Their meltdowns are always amusing, but you can feel some of the air being taken out after the fourth loss. Iowa scored 7 points in a loss to Purdue in week 7, took a week off to work on it, then scored 7 points in a loss to Wisconsin. Their fans are spitting mad, mostly at head coach Kirk Ferentz and his son Brian, who runs the offense. QB coach Ken O’Keefe also makes a cameo here.

Last, we have Michigan making their first appearance here. Jim Harbaugh, who was DOA coming into the season, squandered any goodwill earned by winning the first seven games when he watched his team blow a 30-14 lead to Michigan State. Seeing Mel Tucker whip Michigan’s four stars with his three stars was simply too much to bear.

As always, the language in the post is horrific and offensive. If that sounds like the kind of thing that may bother you, please read no further. You have been warned.

The rest of you amoral rubberneckers, enjoy.

I just want to thank the Longhorn Football program

for ruining my love of college football. I can’t even watch other games anymore

these fuckers can’t catch shit. it’s so pathetic

The pre season reports of our WRs being ass was 100000% correct.

We’re the total package of suck.

I swear some of you dipshits will think this game is rigged because Behr Paint is one of the sponsors.

Defensive line is about the biggest set of pussies in college football. Geez, have some fucking pride.

Stop bitching about the penalties. This program has been one of the most penalized teams for years. It’s because we have undisciplined shitty fucking players…

Have you ever bowled with a 6lb ball? You can throw it fast, you can spin it like crazy, but when it hits the pins it doesn’t have enough mass to actually knock them down.

This is our entire defense.

Why are you guys so hellbent on blaming white Longhorn defenders?

FUCK BALLS CRAP SHIT!

OU receivers make catches with one finger and legs in a pretzel. Our guys drop them right in their hands.

This team is more pussified at this point than I ever remember any of our teams being. Imay have mentally blocked some from my memory though, thankfully. But I may have trouble blocking this one out.

Fuck the players. Fuck the coaches. Fuck this entire program.

We won’t score again. This shit is a full blown disease.

Line is shitty. Casey has happy feet. Fuck Everything

Our receivers should be lashed for every dropped pass.

Season has officially unraveled.

It’s a punt to 2022.

Steve SarkLoseian

What in the fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck

We also will never be above .500 in the sec. We are Vanderbilt at best

Cut all the scholarships and fund the music department.

Take the loss pussies!

Now I know what Jimbo feels like watching something you love get fucked every week.

do we have the funeral here or in a post-game thread

These past 3 games will drive anyone to drink. If Sark gets back on the sauce, we can fire him with cause

“Losing…..is a disease…..as contagious as polio……..”

I don’t think he threw one spiral today. Everything was wobbly like he was missing some fingers. Probably the ones stuck in his vagina.

Baylor fans don’t even rush the field anymore after beating us. That’s how low we are.

Ya’ll think it’s bad now? Way things are going Jimbo and aggy will beat Texas by 24 the first year we play them.

Aranda is very close to Tom Herman. He knew what kind of dogshit players Tom recruits and knew exactly how to beat us.

If you could make a deal with the devil where we win a National Championship, but then we suck for the following 20 years, would you take the deal?

Back in 2005 somebody made that deal.....There is no other explanation.

UTSA and UTEP have figured out football and we can’t.

This entire team is a complete dumpster fire.

The OL is the start of the problem. You have one of the best RB’s in college football but Baylor renders him useless. OK?

The Defense is atrocious. Bad angles, poor tackling, no pass rush. Despite holding them to a couple of field goals/attempts and actually having a chance to win, I just can’t get behind PK. I don’t know if it’s talent or scheme or both. Whatever it is, isn’t working.

The fucking 3rd down play calling? What the fuck are you even doing? Of 4th down with the game on the line you let the fucking punter try to run for it?

GTFOH

So…..I’m not saying go all Marshall or anything….but a non fatal bus crash on I 35 this afternoon which required forfeiting the rest of the season and necessitated replacement of all personnel associated with this shitshow wouldn’t be the worst thing that ever happened

Sark is just the latest beneficiary of our program’s willingness to ignore facts and invest in comforting fairy tales. It was so fucking obvious from Day 1 what Sark is as a head coach. Despite his clear track record, the unimaginative dipshits who run this program hired him and our sunshine pumping fans talked themselves into the idea that he is something entirely different than his career history makes clear that he is.

“All Gas and No Brakes.” Lol. We need to stop falling for stupid Pollyanna bullshit.

we should cut every fucking one of our offensive and defensive linemen and just put the fattest people on campus on those lines. its basically what we have now.

Texas Football: All Gas.

Nothing but awful, uncontrollable gas.

It’s best to pretend that Texas football no longer exists.

we’ll be living in CO next season, thinking of becoming a Buffs fan. they also suck but there will be no emotional attachment and the views are beautiful.

I’d like to punt Dicker into the sun.

I bet our pee charts have been all off the last month.

So this is what watching a meltdown while 100% sober feels like.

This should be over quick.

I hope Kirk and his little helper enjoyed their vacation!

That bye week preparation is really showing

Oh my fucking god

Once again.

Telegraphing passes and runs

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME

Just mind-blowing stuff out of Brian.

Like, I never expect it to… I can’t with this shit.

Nice to see the bye week led to some scheme changes

Do these coaches even watch opponent’s games?

Retire Kirk!

Please……

The plan must be a war of attrition, re-enacting the Penn State game, then...

…Wisconsin losing players to injury every other play.

The Herky Horror Football Show

in the past 3 quarters, Iowa’s total offense = 78 yards

The word Putrid from the dictionary just called...

…and rejected any image association with this hawks team

4 yards per possession!

New idea. Let’s make Brian the head coach ASAP. he’d have to hire an OC! Problem solved

Going from ranked No. 2 in the nation to the stark realization that, actually, we suck really bad is pretty epic, TBH

Does ESPN do that on purpose? Remind us KF is the longest tenured coach in FBS and a four time coach of the year? They’re trolling us, right?

Time to send Captain Kirk to outer space with his son

Who was the person who was like “why is everyone so pessimistic?”

I want to talk to that guy

Ugh this offensive line

Fucking over Brian Ferentz. Two weeks and they can’t do shit on offense. In fact they’re doing way more harm than good. Completely fucking embarrassed

Need to stop putting myself through this shit, so I’m done.

Gonna go polish my bowl to get higher than a whale and take out my aggression on some virtual zombies.

At this point I’m so sick of the guy, even if we win today (lol) and win the west (lmao) the nepotism alone just leaves such a disgusting feeling in my stomach. Maybe if we fire Brian and make a really ballsy hire for the offensive coordinator it’d be worth riding out, but that just doesn’t seem like even a remote possibility. It’s so shitty.

If Iowa takes possession, have Petras kneel in the endzone...we need to cut our losses

The last 60 minutes of Iowa offense:

80 yards

4 interceptions

2 fumbles

All our recruits

Are about to Nope the fuck out after seeing the last two games we have played. ESPECIALLY offensive players.

The Ferentzi need to go for precisely this reason.

Just flushing Iowa’s future down the drain. Part of me is now rooting against them regarding the deposition, while being ambivalent — don’t know enough — simply as a way to kick them to the curb.

Feels like Kirk is just going through the motions. The line is the worst I can personally remember. Spencer has no clock or anything resembling awareness. Brian’s head is so far up his own ass that the fumes are making him hallucinate.

I want off this ship so fucking bad, but I (we) are apparently cursed with mediocrity.

Hey at least we won’t get to Indy, or a New Year 6 bowl, or the playoffs

and completely embarrass ourselves.

At this point I’m just watching because it’s so fucking interesting how bad we are.

Also, it’s super cool to have zero first downs and two turnovers.

YESSSSS three turnovers! Zero first downs! Fuck first downs!

I expect the transfer portal activity to pick up this next week. Abandon ship, the SS Kirk is sinking fast.

Guys, we can all take solace in the fact that Kirk is writing down the adjustments in his notepad.

I don’t care how bad our backup QB is

I just want to see it for myself

I would complain

But we almost have as many yards as we have plays now

The Ken O’Keefe School For Kids Who Can’t Quarterback Good and Want To Stand In The Pocket Good Too

Fucking Brian

How do you not learn from the last game? They stop that shit you go to something different you dumb box of rocks

Literally we ran a fullback dive, called a timeout, and then ran a fullback dive.

Peak Brian.

Welp

Just a complete embarrassment the whole fucking staff needs to go. Burn the fucker down. So sick of second-place finishes in a dog shit, division

3 weeks ago: talking about CFP

2 weeks ago: talking about the Rose Bowl

now: talking about the weather

H O L D I N G, you fucjing refs... it’s called H O L D I N G!!!

Michigan has no QB. We have one that coaches don’t trust. We have another that can’t hit shit past 25 yards.

I am honestly laughing that I ever thought this walking dinosaur on our sidelines could ever win a conference. It’s hilarious. He’s a fucking joke.

I’m going to crawl up into a ball on my couch. So, so disappointing. Mel Tucker and his coaches totally outcoached Harbaugh and his.

Every close bullshit call that could keep them in this fucking game went their way. Every fucking one. How many reviews went their way today? Bullshit. Just outright bullshit.

BPONE. FUCK FRAUDBAUGH. ANOTHER WASTED SEASON.

That throw was CYANIDE

Officiating has ruined this sport.

That’s it, I’m done.

I’ve been on the fence for a while.

Yeah, MSU has played a good game, they’ve also been gifted several things that even the announcers could clearly see.

Overturning calls with clear evidence that the call on the field was the correct one is just disgusting.

I’m over it, hope you all have fun watching Michigan get hosed.

Fire Jim “losing record to MSU, OSU” Harbaugh

Jim harbaugh not a single big victory. Fuck you

We fuckin lost to Lyman Briggs again. Going into hiding. Glad I’m not there

Just fucking awful. Screwed on key calls by the refs. Done in by too clever by half coaching switching out the QBs. Defense getting gashed by big plays. Shitty play calling in the red zone. Just awful. Never should have lost this game.

If this staff isn’t wiped out after this season or we don’t leave the B1G after this season, I’m done until something changes.

Robbed by the refs or Robbed by our coaches. You can’t win.

Same. Old. Story.

Wow they farted that away.

Harbaugh is us 30-14 mid way through the 3rd qtr and he still can’t win a fucking big game. He’s fucking trash. I’d say fire his ass, because we will never be anything more than an 8 to 9 win team a year. I’d say the only way for Harbaugh to keep his job is to beat OSU. If OSU cleans our clocks again. Then fire fucking Hargaugh.

I will not support another fucking team that Harbaugh is the coach of.

gtfo of the city

My muppets (aka my inner demons) I feel like these guys:“Why do we always come here?I guess we’ll never know. It’s like some kind of torture…To have to watch the show.”

(Ed: Not sure what Verne and Gary have to do with this)

We are being impatient! Harbaugh hasn’t had the time necessary to implement his plan. Let’s give him year 8 and we may see an uptick.

0/6 on reviews. Blatant holds and PIs not called. The refs are crooked. Michigan could have made them not matter, but that doesn’t change the fact that they screwed Michigan every way possible in this game.

Blame the officiating, a Harbaugh era tradition