Random Thoughts: Clemsoning Is Back!

[ED. NOTE: Apologies for the lateness of RT. My garage picked a fight with a tree during a recent storm and the tree won. Nothing serious, just some inconveniences of modern luxuries.]

Ahh. College football is back. That Week 0 garbage was just a cruel tease. But this stuff this week was real. Welcome back, everybody. Now, let’s dig in.

CLEMSONING IS BACK!

Duke 28 Clemson 7 - Hmm. Maybe DJ Uiagalelei wasn’t the problem. The Tigers were godawful on Monday night, twice being stopped on fourth down - one of which was on the goal line. They had a field goal blocked and turned the ball over three times. CU’s Cade Klubnik was 27/43 for 209 - a tepid 7.7 ypc. The only reason Clempson scored was because the Dookies muffed a punt deep in their own end. What a shame it was the only football game being aired and on national TV.

DBWho?

Florida State 45 LSU 24 - FSU QB Jordan Travis hooked up with Michigan State transfer Keon Coleman 9 times for 122 yards and 3 scores. The ‘Noles Johnny Wilson added another 104 of receiving yards in a dominating effort by FSU. The only second half score from Jayden Daniels and the Bayou Bengals was a touchdown with 1:24 remaining as Florida State reeled off 31 straight.

SEC

Utah 24 Florida 11 - In all honesty, this game could have gone either way. If not for Florida’s stupid stupid mistakes. On their first possession, UF had a 3rd & 1 until a false start by former Bama OL Damieon George (who had an awful night BTW). On Utah’s first play with All-PAC QB Cameron Rising in street clothes, UU coach Kyle Whittingham decided to take a shot and cashed in on a 70-yard touchdown pass from Bryson Barnes. In the second quarter, the Gators had a 3rd & 7 at the Utah 15. Two plays later on 4th &1, George again jumped offsides in a hurry-up play that looked like they were trying to get the Utes to jump. That was followed by a missed 31-yard field goal. Later in the quarter, Flawduh had too many men on the field during a Utah punt. The Two Utes got the ball back and would score to make it 14-3. In the third, UF got down to 3rd & 1 at the 13 and had a 7 yard rush. But alas, another penalty negated the run. Da Gatats would turn the ball over on downs. Florida got penalized for having two players in #3 jerseys on the field at the same time, twice fielded punts inside the 5, and amazingly having only 8 guys on the field to defend a field goal (see above). The only thing they did well was celebrating first down receptions with the last few seconds ticking off the clock. Talent-wise, this is a good team. But they have no discipline or logical sense for the game at hand.

SEC

SC and Fla should team up.

North Carolina 31 South Carolina 17 - SCar QB Spencer Rattler was sacked 9 times. The ‘Cocks rushed 31 times for -2 yards. It was another typical poor early outing from the Palmetto crew.

Tennessee 49 Virginia 13 - So. This is the Vols’ BIG Power-5 non-conference game, huh? Unheralded UT RB Jaylen Wright had 12 rushes for 115 yards and the Volunteers had 287 as a team. UVa was outgained 499 to 201 and punted 9 times.

SEC VS CUPCAKES

Alabama 56 MTSU 7 - It appears there will not be any quarterback competition like there was in 2011. Jalen Milroe took charge early and often, completing 13 of 18 for 194 yards, 3 passing touchdowns, 48 rushing yards, two rushing TDs, and most importantly 0 mistakes. He looked poised and in control.

The defense looked like they are getting back to the nasty knock-you-in-the-mouth kinda football Tide fans had gotten used to. The tackling was solid and with brute force. MTSU was held to 211 yards, 13 first downs, and punted 8 times.

Man, that is one ugly dude.

Georgia 48 UT-Steve Martin 7 - Two of UGA’s first three possessions were 3 & outs. They also started the second half (up 17-0) with a 3&O and had four such drives on the day.

Arkansas 56 Western Carolina 13 - The score looks awful purty but RB Raheim Sanders had only 42 yards on 15 carries. As a team Arky gained 105 on the ground against their FCS foe. The Hogs had 7 penalties for 86 yards.

Auburn 59 Taxachusetts 14 - New QB Payton Thorne didn’t exactly light it up in his Aubie debut (10 of 17 for 141 and 1 TD). But the Tigers did score on their first five possessions.

Ole Miss 73 Mercer 7 - MERCY! 667 total yards and 32 first downs. However, only 143 on the ground for the Rebs and 13 carries for 60 yards for preseason All-SEC RB Quinshon Judkins.

Texas A&M 52 New Mexico 10 - The Lobos may be the worst team in FBS this season. Connor Weigman had good numbers (18/23-236-5-0) but yeah. Let’s give it another week or two.

Mississippi State 48 SE Louisiana 7 - The Bullies took a while to get going leading only 3-0 after a quarter and 10-7 at the half. The defense had a pick-six and a scoop and score.

Kentucky 44 Ball State 14 - Former NC State QB Devin Leary had a successful debut in the Bluegrass State but the numbers weren’t great (18/31-241-1-1). Ray Davis ran for 112 yards and 2 TDs.

PSUEDO SEC

Missouri 35 South Dakota 10 - Mizz dominated first half, leading 28-3 at the break, but struggled in the second. Someone named Cody Schrader rushed for 138 yards for the Tigers.

Vanderbilt 47 Alabama A&M 13 - The first place ‘Dores (2-0) led 5-3 after one and 12-3 after two quarters. They must have gotten a tongue lashing in the locker room because they came out on FIRE in the second half. Wait. Are you still reading this? Let’s move on...

NOT REALLY P5

Fresno 39 Purdue 35 - A Bulldogs TD with 59 ticks to go clinched the upset in West Lafayette, IN. Not a great debut for coach Ryan Walters.

Northern Illinois 27 Boston College 24 (OT) - Jeff Hafley is squarely on the hot seat.

THE PAC-12... FOR NOW

The soon-to-be extinct conference went 13-0 last weekend.

THIS GUY

What a sanctimonious jerk. How can anyone root for a guy like this?

Colorado 45 TCU 42 - Ugh. Things just got REAL annoying in the college football world. But that can be fixed very easily. Deion and the Buffs upset the Frogs in their building. Granted TCU returned only three starters on offense and their defense was not that great even last year. Deion Jr. threw for a school-record 510 yards with four touchdowns.

OTHER STUFF

Ohio State 23 Indiana 3 - anOSU signal caller Kyle McCord was 20 for 33 for 239 yards and did not find the end zone, but threw a pick. It was an inauspicious start for the man taking over for Heisman finalist CJ Stroud and found his team leading only 10-3 at the half. The Hoos had only 153 yards and a teensy-tinsy 8 first downs. Such defense should have resulted in more socring by the Buckeyes.

Louisville 39 Georgia Tech 34 - Brent Key’s Yeller Jackets blew a 28-13 halftime lead.

Minnesota 13 Nebraska 10 - My gawd. Is there any better example of what an awful ugly division the B1G West than this game? It was 10-3 ‘Huskers with less than three minutes to go. Minnie tied it up with 2:32 remaining. Nebraska threw a pick at midfield with 32 ticks left. The Gophers dinked and dunked their way down the field to the 29 and booted a game winner at the buzzer.

Wyoming 35 Texas Tech 33 (2 OT) - After an 8-5 campaign in 2022, some “experts” thought that the Red Raiders might contend for the B12 title in 2023. That notion seems a bit far-fetched after this development. Tech led this game 17-0 after one quarter but did not score again until a 4th quarter field goal with 41 seconds to go in regulation. After TT failed in their two-point attempt, the Cowboys scored a TD and converted a 2-point conversion in the second overtime for the upset in a game played in Laramie.

Rutgers 24 Northwestern 7 - The NW soap opera continues as the bad purple team got abused by the mediocre red team. Next for the Wildcats is UTEP who lost to Jacksonville State and beat Incarnate Word 28-14. The Miners are a 1.5 point favorite as the road team in Evanston, IL.

Oregon 81 Portland State 7 - HAHA! Blew the shutout!

CAROLINA GONE SOUTH

WORST PROGNOSTICATION OF THE WEEK

UGLIEST UNIFORMS OF THE WEEK

If your aim was to look like bananas, congrats!

AND YOU THINK SEC REFS ARE BAD?

DISS OF THE WEEK

WTF is wrong with Mack Brown? Shane Beamer showed real class by not slugging this arrogant dickhead. Grab me like that and you get a fist in the gut. Lose with class but win with class too.

TACKIEST TWEET OF THE WEEK

Hey, what did you expect from this classless program who stole their whole persona from Army? Center Florida defeated Kent State 56-6.

DON’T TRY TO BE NAJEE

CREEPY OF THE WEEK

UNCLE RICO TALL TALE OF THE WEEK

GET-IN-YOUR-HEAD OF THE WEEK

LOL TROLL OF THE WEEK

LAME FAN BASE OF THE WEEK

Any fan base that cannot get 92,004 fans to come to a football game.

Oh, BTW. Nebraska at Minnesota had 53,629.

ANIMAL KINGDOM OF THE WEEK

NAME OF THE WEEK

Rice DB Moh Bility

LSU PEACE OUT WATCH

It wasn’t a peace out but freshman-sensation-now-sophomore LB Harold Perkins did not make much of an impact (2 solos, 3 assists. 0 sacks, 0 TFL). FSU - or maybe Brian Kelly - seemed to have schemed away from him the whole game.

HONEST STATEMENT OF THE WEEK

STATIONARY RUNNING BACK OF THE WEEK

• Florida had 13 net rushing yards on 21 attempts.

STATS OF THE WEEK

• Nebraska is now 2-14 in one-score finishes since the start of 2021.
• Didja know? LSU has finished in the AP top 10 only nine times.

GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE OF THE WEEK

“I knew I shoulda drank the Gatorade instead of the wine at halftime!”

THE WACKY WORLD OF DESI

Only College Football, y’all.

College GameDay with Lee Corso in tow was in Charlotte, NC for North Carolina vs. South Carolina - not that anyone noticed because they were all watching Mark Ingram II on FOX.

This Saturday, both GD and SEC Nation will be in Tuscaloosa. But of course, GD will have country music duo Dan + Shay perform, because, you know, it’s Alabama and we’re just a bunch of dumb hicks who drive pick-up trucks with gun racks and only listen to country music.

“Big Noon Kickoff” will air live from Boulder for Colorado’s home opener against Nebraska. I may have to skip that. Sorry, King Gump.

Desmond Howard is probably still an bozo, but I didn’t watch.

A few other CFP predictions:

• Brett McMurphy: UGA, anOSU, FSU, Michigan
• Andy Staples: UGA, Penn State, Clemson, Alabama

ADOPT-A-TEAM

• Tulane (1-0) is on the move.
• Texas State (1-0) handily beat Baylor 42-31. Jake Spavital has moved on to Cal (poor guy) and his replacement, G. J. Kinne, keeps the good times rolling in San Marcos.
• Other?

COUSINS

• Troy (1-0) - Trojans won big over FCS Stephen F. Austin 48-30, but sure gave up a lot of points. Next is a tough trip to Kansas State.
• South Alabama (0-1) - The Jags ran into a buzzsaw of Tulane and QB Michael Pratt (14-15-294-4-0). Things get a little easier with FCS SE Louisiana coming to town.

THAT ANNOYING GUY WHO PROCLAIMS “GOT IT!” EVERY TIME HE SUCCESSFULLY PROCURES A BOOGER FROM HIS NOSE

• UAB (1-0) - The Dragons got Trent Dilfer his first career coaching W by dumping North Carolina A&T. Things get a little more intense at Georgia Southern (1-0) this weekend.

SALUTE TO OUR TROOPS

Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports

• Navy (0-1) - The Midshipmen had a week off before the godawful FCS Wagner Seahawks (2–34 over the last four seasons) arrive in Annapolis on Sept. 9.
• Army (0-1) - The Black Knights blew a 13-3 lead with 6 minutes to go against UL Monroe to lose 17-13. Delaware State comes to town for some punishment.
• Air Force (1-0) - The Falcons beat the brakes off some poor dude named Robert Morris 42-27. Next up is a guy named Sam Houston in a game played in the Houston Texans’ stadium. Too bad Oral Roberts doesn’t play football.

ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFF CONTENTION

So sorry to say that this is the last year we can do this section in its format since the CFP will expand to 12. A team could lose to some piece of crap team like, oh, I dunno, Duke for example, and still make the 12er.

Eliminated: Purdue (home loss to Fresno), Boston College (home loss to Northern Illinois), Baylor (11-pt home L to Texas State), Northwestern, Texas Tech

Endangered: LSU, Florida, NC State (barely beat UConn), Arizona State (3-pt W over Southern Utah), Stanford, Houston, Illinois, BYU

Extremely Endangered: Clemson, Nebraska, Georgia Tech, West Virginia, UVa, SCar, All non-P5s.

A way WAY WAY too early look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) picture:

DraftKings odds to win the 2023 National Championship:

1. Georgia +220 (bet $100 to win $220) to +240 - some doubt slipping in??
2. Alabama +600 to +550
3. Michigan +800 to +750 to +700
4. Ohio State +700 to +750 to +900
5. FSU +2000 to +1100
6. Southern Cal +1500 to +1600 to +1500

• Clemson +1800 to +7500
• LSU +1100 to +3500

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.

• ACC - Florida State leads the pack with UNC as a dark horse. Clemson might just be out of it already. It would be hard to imagine them running the table.
• Big 12 - Texas has a big lead over Oklahoma. K-State has some fans.
• Big Ten - anOSU was not impressive in their 23-3 W over Indy. Michigan wasn’t overly dominant over ECU (30-3), but still got lotsa media up in a lather for some reason. PSU too had an okay home win over a bad West Virginia team (38-15) and some talking heads are throwing them into the discussion.
• PAC-12 - Not sure what to think of any these teams. It feels like some market correction will be coming their way real soon.
• SEC - Georgia, Alabama, with li’l ol’ Tennessee trailing behind.
• Indies - Notre Dame is up from +3500 to +2800.
• Non-Power 5 - Tulane skies from +30000 to +25000 - This Saturday is HUGE for them.

RANK ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM

The new AP rankings are out and Bama is sitting at three but without first place votes. And that is just hunky-dory with me. How Clemson is still ranked is beyond me.

1. Georgia (58)
2. Michigan (2)
3. Alabama
4. Florida State (3)
5. Ohio State
6. Southern Cal
7. Penn State
8. Washington
9. Tennessee
10. Notre Dame
11. Texas
12. Utah
13. Oregon
14. LSU
15. Kansas State
16. Oregon State
17. North Carolina
18. Oklahoma
19. Wisconsin
20. Ole Miss
21. Duke
22. Colorado
23. Texas A&M
24. Tulane
25. Clemson

Krazy Kristi’s “SHUT UP!” of the Week goes to the Deion Jr. For Heisman silliness. Did he have a good game? Yes. But it was one game against a secondary that we already know sucks that had very few returning starters from last year’s playoff team. Also, it appears Deion Sr. and Deion Jr. had a bone to pick with TCU offensive coordinator Kendal Briles. According to them, the pair visited FSU way back in 2019 when Briles was the new OC for the ‘Noles and Junior was rising junior and way undersized. And poor little Deion Jr. was not the center of attention. So, these two let that fester for FOUR years and used it as incentive. Good for them. It worked. But dang, dude. You guys hold some pretty dumb grudges. You better check with your doctor about that lump. It is unclear who they have targeted for revenge on the Cornhuskers that will guide them to a win.

HEISMAN HYPE

After a poor showing in Orlando, Jayden Daniels’s Heisman odds took a big drop. But Jordan Travis shot up. Quinn Ewers did not win many friends in Vegas either. Cade Klubnik has basically disappeared and with good reason.

Below are just some of the top Heisman picks in order of the money lines.

Odds are provided by DraftKings and many more options can be seen at that link under “AWARDS”. [Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.]

1. QB Caleb Williams (JR, Southern Cal) +450 to +475
2. QB Jordan Travis (FSU) +1400 to +750
3. QB Michael Penix (Washington) +1600 to +800
4. QB Sam Hartman (Notre Dame) +1600 and aBo Nix (Oregon) +1600 - same
5. QB JJ MCCarthy (Michigan) +1700
6. QB Jalen Milroe (Alabama), Joe Milton (Tenn), Drew Allar (Penn St) all +2000
7. Drake Maye (UNC) +1600 to +2200

• QB Quinn Evers (Texas) +1300 to +2200
• QB Jayden Daniels (RS-JR, LSU) +1100 to +3000
• QB Carson Beck (UGA) +1400 to +3000
• QB Cade Klubnik (Clemson) +1400 to +6500

THE SICK REPORT

• Ohio State receiver Marvin Harrison Jr. briefly exited the Buckeyes’ game vs. Indiana with an apparent injury to his left arm or shoulder after an awkward landing.
• Baylor QB Blake Shapen is out 2-3 weeks with MCL injury.
• Utes QB Cameron Rising is day-to-day and has yet to be cleared for Saturday’s game at Baylor.
• If you are a deep gambling degenerate like some of us, avoid the Virginia-JMU game. UVa quarterback Tony Muskett (shoulder) will be a game-time decision.

R.I.P.

• Bob Barker, 99.

• Jimmy Buffett, 76. Use sun block.

DRAMA

• ICYMI: This is old news by now but worth another giggle... Nebraska tight end Arik Gilbert was arrested shortly before 2 a.m. on a Tuesday at a vape shop in Lincoln, NE. He was apprehended by officers while carrying a bag that contained $1,672 in vape products, Delta 8, cigars and lighters. The store was closed at the time. At the time officers arrived, a glass door had been shattered with cement chunks from the parking lot. Damage to the business was estimated at $650. What a moron.
• Last Wednesday, the FBS commissioners met in Dallas to reconsider the 12-team CFP. It was their first meeting all together since the Pac-12 imploded. The original intent of the meeting was ridiculously about expansion of the playoff. Instead were questions about the 6+6 format (including auto-bids and seeding), revenue splits, and more. SEC commissioner Greg Sankey already made comments towards doing away with the auto-bids - which shouldn’t have been there to begin with.
• Last Friday, the ACC Presidents and Chancellors voted to extend invitations to Stanford, Cal, and SMU to join their conference beginning 2024-25. None of them will receive a full revenue share until their TENTH year in the league. Heck, the ACC may be swallowed up by Bundesliga by then. Can’t wait for that big Cal vs. Wake Forest showdown.
• The American Athletic Conference is in talks to add Army to their football only ranks. The Cadets are currently playing as an independent, Schoenstein. Navy is already a member of the conference.

KOACHES KORNER

• Brian Kelly whining is trending.
• Urban Meyer coached a kids’ baseball team his summer. However, he cut all the orphans because he said they don’t know where home was.
• Scientists believe that obesity in the U.S. could be cut in half if Fat F*** Phil Fulmer would just move his fat ass to Canada already.

TEEVEE

THIS WEEK

(Below is an abbreviated list of highlighted games of interest with lines provided by DraftKings. If you REALLY need to know about the big New Hampshire-Central Michigan showdown, you can find the details here.)

Thursday, September 7

Murray State at Louisville (no line) 6:30/7:30 ACCN - “Ville has one of the easiest schedules in the nation.

Friday, September 8

Indiana State at Indiana (no line) 6pm/7pm BTN - The Fightin’ Larry Birds vs The Fightin’ Bobby Knights!
Illinois at Kansas (-3) 6:30/7:30 ESPN2 - Two wannabes trying to prove they weren’t a flash in the pan last season.

Saturday, September 9

SEC

Vanderbilt at Wake Forest (-10) 10am/11am ACCN - MORNING, Y’ALL!
Ball State at Georgia (-42.5) 11am/Noon SECN - This one is a make-up for the cancelled Okie game. Not sure why they didn’t go ahead and just play that damn game. (???)
Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky (no line) 2pm/2pm ESPN+
*** Ole Miss (-7) at Tulane 2:30/3:30 ESPN2 - UPSET ALERT!
Texas A&M (-4.5) at Miami 2:30/3:30 ABC - A ‘dog at home? Will that fire the U up?
Kent State at Arkansas (-38) 3pm/4pm SECN
Austin Peay at (no line) Tennessee 4pm/5pm ESPN+
Middle Tennessee at Missouri (-20.5) 6pm/7pm ESPN+ - Will be interesting to see how good the Blue Raiders are.
Grambling at LSU (no line) 6:30/7:30 ESPN+ - Poor Grambling gonna get pounded.
McNeese at Florida (no line) 6:30/7:30 ESPNU
Arizona at Mississippi State (-9.5) 6:30/7:30 ESPN+ - This could be a tricky one for the Bullies if they get caught looking ahead to next week’s game with LSU.
Furman at South Carolina (no line) 6:30/7:30 ESPN - Licking their wounds.

***
↓↓↓

OTHERS WORTH A PEEK

Notre Dame (-7.5) at NC State 11am/Noon ABC
Utah (-7.5) at Baylor 11am/Noon ESPN
Nebraska at Colorado (-3) 11am/Noon FOX - Saturday, we are all ‘Huskers fans.

Iowa (-4) at Iowa State 2:30/3:30 FOX - It’s good to see some rivalries are surviving.
SMU at Oklahoma (-15.5) 5pm/6pm ESPN+ - What does Okie do for an encore?

DON’T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE...

UAlbany (NY) at Hawaii 10:59/11:59 PM Alohavision

SABAN vs. POP & BEAR

Below is a count of career FBS/Division I-A win totals for coaches.

For those of you new to RBR Random Thoughts, we count all on-field wins at the FBS/Division I-A level. So, before you go squawking about Frank Beamer, 42 of his wins came at Murray State. Mack Brown had six victories in one season with Appalachian State when they were still in what was known at I-AA (FCS today). Brian Kelly won 118 games with something called Grand Valley State. So, let’s stop talking about his win record with such reverence. In addition, we don’t recognize NCAA sanctioned forfeits. If you won on the field, it counts in our books.

Mack Brown became the first FBS head coach in college football history with 100 wins at two schools. Brown is 100-68 at North Carolina and 158-48 at Texas. Too bad he’s such a dick.

#ALABAMA

• Malachi Moore and Jaylen Key have practiced this week, but Nick Saban was unsure how close to full strength the two defensive backs will be for Saturday. “How much they’re able to practice and how close to 100% they can get by game time will be the big question that we will have to answer,” Saban said. “That’s not something we can probably comment on until we get to that point.” Key was outstanding in Game 1.
• Reserve WR Emmanuel Henderson (hip) is also out indefinitely.
• LB Jihaad Campbell (knee scope) sat out the MTSU game but is expected back on Saturday. Saban said the sophomore has been able to practice this week and should be available vs. Texas, barring a setback.
• Tide QB Jalen Milroe was named SEC Co-Offensive Player of the Week with Joe Milton.
• At Monday’s practice, Terrence Ferguson was shown at left guard next to Proctor and McLaughlin. (insert fingers crossed emoticon)

GAME 2: Saturday, September 9, 2023

Texas Longhorns (1-0) at Alabama Crimson Tide (1-0)

Tuscaloosa, AL ~ 6:00/7:00 ESPN

• The Longhorns were 8-5 (6-3) in 2022 with a loss to Washington in the Alamo Bowl.
• Alabama is an unacceptable 2-7-1 all-time against Texas. Bear Bryant (0-4) REALLY struggled against Darrell Royal back in the day. Saban, however, is 2-0 against the ‘Horns as the Revenge Tour rolls merrily along.
• The T-town weather forecast calls for sunny and a high of 88°. The temperature should drop to high 70s by kickoff and down to 66 overnight.
• TV Announcers Chris Fowler and Kirk Herbstreit with Holly Rowe on the sidelines.
• Eli Gold will return on Alabama Radio. Did you listen last week? What did you think?
• The honorary team captains are former Tide All-Americans and heroes of that badass 2011 defense that scared Colt McCoy from returning Dont’a Hightower and Marcell Dareus.
• The Alabama Men’s Basketball will be presented with SEC Championship Ring during the halftime. Not a lot of those guys on campus anymore. It’ll be interesting to see who shows up.
• Bama golfer Nick Dunlap will also be lauded for his U.S. Amateur Championship.
• The point spread according to DraftKings has been Bama as a 7.5 point favorite for several months now. Neither result from this past weekend from these two combatants has changed that number. The Over/Under is 54.5.

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.